I just sat down for the last several hours and wrote a note or a “Suicide note” to everyone I will be leaving and it made me feel good inside. And brought me just a little closer to going through with it. Again I’m not a big church guy but Im planning on going to mass and penance this weekend too, for what its worth. In my note I don’t blame anyone, I just wanted them to know I love them and ensure them my end is not their fault. I also don’t want a funeral, I want to be cremated, spread at […]
I know its Hard for You to Understand,
Especially with this type of Emotion coming from a Man
But the Pain that I feel,
Deep Inside… is oh so Real
You rebuddle that the Decisions that I have Made, have put My Existence into a Shallow Grave
And that Deciding to Climb Out, is the Only way to Behave
But what You see as Weakness; I Embrace as Strength
A Strength that I Aspire to Muster;Â the Morning when My Body wont make Muster
See, what You see as an Act of Desperation; I view as an Act of Courage
A Rising Plant that grows, the More it is Nourished
What You see as a […]
the plan: or how I put the coal in my xmas stocking to good use
I don’t feel much better today. I think my issue is more chemical than I realized. I went out with some friends last night for dinner and it was simply amazing. We had a great time, laughing and talking (i was high though; couldn’t face a human face without raising my mood from my suicide note mood).
I really want to quit smoking but, I remember too well what life was like before. It’s the same as it is now, only I’m ignorant of more things. I smoke and I notice […]
I have come so far! I started contemplating suicide at the age of 6! probably not an accurate number but i was that young. I am 25 now! I have cried so hard everytime i tried, but now there is a sense of peace that overcomes me when i think of going through with it. The only thing that makes me weep is when i think about the turmoil i will cause my 2 daughters. I am a great father. i wonder if i was a dead beat, would this be easier. Almost everything about my life makes me want to end it all. My […]
For as long as i can remeber ive been the one to get mad fun of but today had to be the wrst i started my new school and i guess since i was the new girl people had to judge me right away but i paid it no mind plus i really couldnt hear them.anyway so i went into my second period and sat down and there was two guys sitting in front of me and i over heard them say i was fat and that i was ugly just when i was beganing to feel a lityle better about myself this happens […]
So my brother threatened me again today. He bullies me all day and today he threatened that he will hit me.
I know this is not as bad as other peoples issues but this is my life and i can’t stand much more of his abuse.
My mum pretends that nothing is going on. I have already started cutting again within 24hours of seeing him. I promised i would stop. But i just can’t keep that promise when he is around.
And you know what the sad thing is….. tonights spat was set off by the slightest thing. The internet.
I hope he does hit me, just so i […]
Since my mental condition got really bad,I live like a prisoner.I am not behind bars ,but I lead such a limited life.I cannot even drive a car or go to a bank to withdraw some money from my bank account.I can’t even buy a mobile phone or have my mobile phone repaired.I have become a really isolated disabled recluse whose life is really painful.I have only one friend ,but I think I’m losing him too.Because I no longer enjoy being with him.Maybe that’s because he’s not mentally ill.He is normal.His life is not limited or boring ,and he expects to have a bright future.I have […]
I just registered for this site, like, literally five minutes ago, and I must say, I’m still a little overwhelmed that a website like this even exists (in a good way(I think)).
I guess I’ll just say it… approximately eight months ago, I tried to kill myself.
I’ve been struggling with severe clinical depression since I was 8 years old. The fact that I was considered a social pariah at school didn’t help matters. I have a recorded IQ of 145, but I was failing almost every class. I was capable of getting a 4.0, but I ended up graduating with a 2.6. I just stopped caring. […]
(And yes I am aware that the term is “bleeding”)
At least the cuts are easier to hide this time, they’re on my legs not my arms……. won’t make that mistake again…….. how was your guys’s day?
A couple days ago, I asked the Dean for some accommidations on my job. Specifically, I was having persistent short-term memory issues. What I asked for was’nt much, Just having a lab assistant (Their threshold is 25, I have classes of 23 and 22). I opened up to the Dean.
Worst. Mistake. Ever.
Apparently, she mentions things to the Director, who immediately schedules a meeting with me and the Dean the next day. Once in there, I am informed that my requests are against policy without written, medical documentation, and it was strongly inferred that even asking for help indicates that I can’t handle the rigors of […]
I haven’t been able to get online since christmas eve, I was gonna try again new years eve, but a friend of mind figured out and wouldn’t leave me alone long enough to even cut my wrist, I’m not trying to whine or complain, but why is it such a bad thing to want to die? People act like it’s the worst idea ever, but it definitely beats living. Anyway, I haven’t cut in a while, I’ll probably go back to doing that now, at least it helps me get by.
Well for the people who don’t know last year, 7th grade was the one time in my life that I wish I could change. The year I figured out who I really was and what I really wanted to do. It was also the year I had gotten sexually abused for the 4th time by my mothers boyfriend :’). I’ve noticed my sexual abusers are always linked to my family in some way and they go on for long periods of time :/. Anyways he had moved in with us and stuff and then things started happening like very small unnoticeable things until the big […]
i have problems getting to school.. becuse  i cant sleep.. so lastnight i pulled an all nighter becuse my mom wants me at shcool.. to keep myself awake throughout the night i had about 3 redbulls.. 3 rockstars.. and 3 five hour evergy shots.. i was in class and i was dizzy and faint i was going to be sick..i had a breakdown .. i was shaking .. it was so bad my school counceler took me to the hospital.. i felt dead… i have never felt so sick.. i threw up for the longest time.. i told the nurse .. i am done .. […]
They laugh at her scars
call her pathetic
miss place her
 unknowing that when she gets home she will be ending her life
 because if the scars arnt screaming help me then what is?
.. i am not ending my life.. i wrote this about a week ago when i was close to it… hope you like.. tell me what you think.
Accept that you are repulsive.Accept that she is disgusted by you.Accept that you are not lovable. Accept that tomorrow will be like yesterday.Accept that she is sunshine.Accept that darkness is all you have. Accept that you’ll never be touched.Accept that there is no poetry.Accept that your death won’t be romantic.Accept that she will not mourn.Accept that this made it too much to carry.Accept that there’s no magic.Accept that there’s no miracles.Accept that the need makes you scream.Accept that she looks like heaven.Accept that heaven is illusory.Accept that her heart beats.Accept that it doesn’t beat for you.Accept that her lips could have saved you.Accept that you […]
I know when, I have a pretty good idea of how, and I think I know where. It’s just a case of if I can wait that long, its nearly 4 months away, if I can continue to pretend to care, if I can act normal.
I also have considered the people I will have left behind, and I have selected what I hope to be the right book to send to each of them when the time is right. Yes I have people that I may care enough for to wish that they will realise why I have chosen this path, and that it shouldn’t […]
1. write suicide notes
2. give them out
3. if a singularity within my life doesn’t occur as a result, suicide
I’m tired of existing, seriously tired of it. I’ve reached the end of my life. Not in school, no desire to go back; just working to keep myself alive. No girlfriend/lover, just girl friends who I love dearly. Tons of family that adores me but they represent most of what I hate about humanity. I can’t stop myself from being me, or I should say, I don’t want to stop myself from being me.
I’m lazy; I don’t want to work for the life that I […]
Like 2 days ago i took abiut thirty sleeping pills not trying to kill myself just trying to get away but i didnt tell anyone and my stomach has been hurting should i consider seeking medical attention
I have been under surviellence by the narcotics division and feds for almost 4 years now by helicopter (every single day 365 days a year), and under other surviellence for over 6 years. I used to be into dealing drugs and long story short, convicted of multiple drug felonies. I was so deep into drugs ill give you an extent, I did 78 Exctasy pills, 10 hits of acid, smoked 7 grams of crack, snorted 3 grams of coke, snorted heroin and was still alive, I consider myself a recovering addict but the side effects have haunted me for the past 7 years. […]
As many of you may have guessed, I intended to make my final exit this coming weekend, however I wish to delay it for an additional week. It may sound funny or that I “chickened out” but I have come down with a nasty sinus infection with the yellow goop and all and I do not want to die while I am feeling sick. 🙂
As I have said many times, I have a careful plan, but there is absolutely no Drop Dead date or time or schedule that I have to meet. I keep advising others about there being no rush to die, so I […]