I wasn’t able to get to sleep last night until after three.  And since I took a nap after I left class early today (couldn’t focus on the lecture and could barely hold back the tears), I’m not sure if I’ll get any sleep tonight.  If only I could actually use this time to be productive, like maybe start reading the book for which I have to write an essay on for Tuesday.

If Amber were still alive, I’d be on the next fucking plane to see her.  I’d drop everything.  I wouldn’t care if it would set me back another semester or if it meant […]

if you’ve ever looked on a color wheel, and if you look at it hard enough
it will strike you
that the most diverse and abundant colours there are to perceive
are neither the primary colors nor the secondary colors, but the differing tertiary shades
of browns and greys.
and if you were to take a random photograph of the world around you
you will often find
that unless you engineer the scene to bring out the vivid
or fiddle with the hues or turn the saturation up
all you will get are the browns and greys at different intensities
which form the highlights and […]

It’s Thursday. Tuesday I felt strong, happy, like I was making some progress. Wednesday I felt like I was unloved. Today, I feel utterly hopeless. I don’t know why I can’t just be okay. I feel like I have been through enough. Why can’t my pain just end? I don’t understand why one day is so great and the next is hell. I wish some one could just come and make everything better.

To quote some lyrics, “I want to come out of the dark but breaking away is so hard. Just show me the way. Show me which way to go. Can’t do this by […]

I haven’t done it in 5 days and I feel really strange. I’m so stressed right now, and my anxiety levels are super high, and I’m depersonalizing left and right and I kind of really want to cut. But for some reason I can’t bring myself to pick up the safety pin. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I should feel good, free, normal. I don’t, though. All I feel is anger pent up inside me and I don’t know what to do with myself.

So my question is this: Is making tiny, harmless slashes across your skin to relieve stress REALLY worse than bottling up all […]

I tried to find a different way, tried to reach for help. No one cares, even here. Seems like a pretty big sign. I have an idea, just need to iron it out. Going to start a notebook, make a list of things I need to do, letters to loved ones, figure out how to leave my car to my sister, stuff like that. I can’t swim, I think the ocean would be good. I need to wait so I can make car repairs to make the drive to CA. I’m not sure if I can.

i Think I’m going to give my self one last chance at life. Still by march 31st, if I’m not happy and if i still hate myself,  hate the way i look, then I’m going to do suicide .I’m going to give it a try. I’m going to try and change myself. my appearance, and my anxiety (if it can be changed.) right this moment I’m suppose to be saving for a plane ticket to Germany or California. I’m not sure which place yet. then killing myself in one of those places. but i don’t know, I’m giving myself 4 more weeks of life. I’m […]

Its been a while since ive written here, I’m writing this on a notepad on the bus but I assume a lot has changed, I’d like to meet some of the new guys here.

But, anyway.. Reason for posting, it’s not really so much about me, there’s just a shitload of stress happening to people around me. My best friend is having the shittiest year at school right now and I feel really bad for her, which is nothing I’d be doing a year ago, but ive gotten different too. I guess life has been gotten more boring and I’ve woken up and started caring about […]

okay out of nowhere i juststarted being very bitchy to everyone like 20 min ago and then i started crying like i cant stop.. typing this right now im  crying i just dnt kno why so today went to 1 peripd hate it so left and i just started crying i was really cmonn noo my nerves and anxiety was geting to me im just looking for answers

this is my first actual post here.

i have made a decision. i dont like this world and been planning to do something about it.

anyway, my relatives probably dont have any idea about this and will hit them hard when it comes.

for example, i like to think, if my brother would feel the way i do, i would like him to come and tell me the truth. of course i wouldnt have any remote idea about what to tell him lol but i think i would like that. at least hearing the reasons why he would like to do that and if he is really commited […]

Has anyone here had a near death experience following a suicide attempt?  I’ve tried my best to get answers on this, but I can’t seem to find any accounts that appear to be genuine.

I really want to go ahead with killing myself after a long period of contemplation.  This is not a cry for help.  I just honestly want to know if people have experiences with life after life.

Thanks in advance.

NOTICE: THIS IS 100% TRUE. WHAT IS WRITTEN HERE TODAY IS WRITTEN FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF ME HAVING FINALLY FOUND A HEALTHY MINDSET. ME FINALLY FINDING HAPPINESS WITH MYSELF ONCE AGAIN. ME HAVING PERSUADED MYSELF WHY I MATTER.

For almost the past solid year now, I have been having terrible thoughts, but at the same time I felt comforted by them. I saw no happiness, was suffering because I was violently pushing away any help that was offered to me, and not 3 weeks ago I had lost the will to to pursue happiness. Yes, I was on the verge of suicide. I was teetering […]

No not at the self harming but what happens if i die. I’m always afraid i might regret it after it’s already been done. I’m afraid i’m going to hurt people but then again, i don’t think anyone cares. I try my best to get rid of these horrible thoughts but at the end of the day i always realized it’s going to flood my mind and i’m afraid that one of these days i might actually do it. Sorry if it’s not a story but i just felt the need to get that out.

I have never in my life interacted with another human who understands how painful my everyday existence is.  No one understands.  I’m terrified to even post on this, for fear of being exposed.  Superficial empathy can be found anywhere.  It can be found especially easy upon the lips of the proud.  I have seen too many people “reach out” as a last hope, only to be ostracized and ridiculed.  People are harsh.  This leaves only the option of attempting to survive the evening, yet agin, and hope that the deep sorrow becomes numbing sooner than later.

Certainly, I would think, that there is someone out there […]

I’m filled with an emptiness, that’s tearing me apart
There is no tenderness, or love left in my heart
I gave it all away, gave it up without a fight
Now it’s the close of day, so I’ll say goodbye tonight

I can laugh and joke with you, play guitar and sing
But I will end up hurting you, with the pain I always bring
Good-for-nothing’s got to go; I’ll fade into the night
Don’t ask me where ‘cause I don’t know, but I’ll say goodbye tonight

Don’t search for me; lost souls can’t be found
Doesn’t everybody end up in the ground?

I’ve given all that I […]

watch?v=2eTmv0gd-dE

I feel a fraction better right now but it’s only because I’ve started making a plan so actually not better I guess.
Pretty sad when even here no one cares, it goes unanswered, not even worth looking at. Like a sign, I should stop thinking anything will ever be different, no one will ever give a flying f**k.

I can’t sleep, my anxiety and depression are getting the best of me. My thoughts are becoming irrational. I know it’s not normal to have suicidal feelings but I’m having them anyway. It’s a challenge to drive into town because I so want to speed up and go over one of the cliffs. I’m so lost.

sometimes i want to die…i want to kill myself, but then i realize that nobody would stop me…i guess i dont really want to…i just want to feel loved

i cant do away with my feelings wanna die

im scared about what happens wen you die, but we all die eventually anyways,everyone i know has different beliefs,so who knows untill it happens,the more people tell me things get better or not to do it, i want to just do it more,i am gonna drug my self so i dont get the adrenalin and become scared in the middle of ending my shit,i wait till night 3 oclock in the morning is dead perfect