http://youtu.be/2UJOl1P4KQw

this piece is so relaxing enjoy

I’ve done all my preparation; house is in foreclosure, no job, no family, absolutely no friends, chronic health issues, I’m on 5 prescription meds, I’ve got a loaded 12 gauge shotgun, nothing but an old dog to leave behind. I need help pulling the trigger, it must happen, I’m done!

My mom just took her own life back in july and i am the one that found her. I dont know what to think of this. and i have a really difficult time understanding why. I am going to counseling and it helps.. I just feel down a lot of times. I have thought a little bit about doing what my mom did. But i dont think i could every put someone through the pain i have went through… My dad is also in jail now.. So Help me understand and advice? Please.

My life is Shit. It always has been. Its been one thing after the other. I’m done. I just want to know how to hang my self passively without alot of Pain. I have some drugs and alcohol I can take to give me the courage. I just dont know how to do it from a door knob or something. What would be the easiest and quickest way. I dont want to fuck it up.

I wake up every morning with this constant desire to die. It just feels wrong to be alive. First words out of my mouth are “I want to die.” It’s become my mantra, for lack of better words. I’ve felt this way since I was about fourteen. I’ve been to therapy and talked with counselors and psychologists but my need to die can never be unearthed. I get asked about sexual abuse and trauma, there is none. I get asked about physical abuse, there is none. I’ve had a great life, great family, people who love me […]

This year and last year have been hard.

I found out a couple of  horrible things about my birth parents and family.

I’ve spiraled down ever since that and I’ve relapsed with cutting.

I’m extremely insecure and I hardly ever go out in public except for school.

I’m a shy, secretive person.

It’s hard for me to stick up for myself.

I let people take advantage of my kindness.

I hate how unassertive I am.

I bottle up my feelings because I can’t express them to people.

I’m ashamed of my scars.

I believe I’m too emotional at times.

I’m constantly down on myself because it’s normal for me.

At my old school I was on the swim […]

I have an insatiable desire to watch myself die. But I know that’s impossible, just as ignoring the thought is.

I know friends can’t be replaced with anything else. But if you don’t have any friends, you can at least try to find something to love. That’s why I decided to get pets. We already have pets, but none of them are really my pets. The cats don’t like me because as a child I didn’t know how to play with animals. I would accidently(!) scare and hurt them. And the dog likes me, but I feel no connection with dogs. I’ve wanted my own pet for a while now, first I wanted to get a bearded dragon (it’s a kind of lizard), but they […]

I’m sick of crying
holding to your words that I begin to doubt.
Wondering to myself in silence
my darling, will you come back?

Why, like my life you made so colorful,
you causes so much pain to my soul?

Do you understand,
a little bit of that pain?
You made me a melancholy person.
Don’t you see?

Why don’t you see that
for you I kill and die?

Do you want proof?
Do you want me to die for you?

You act that way a while longer.
You’ll see how you’re killing me.
And I’m left kill.

You are the deadliest poison that pollutes my soul.

But if I leave you […]

~ Polygon Window (Aphex Twin) – Quino-Phec ~

How countlessly they congregate
O’er our tumultuous snow,
Which flows in shapes as tall as trees
When wintry winds do blow!–

As if with keeness for our fate,
Our faltering few steps on
To white rest, and a place of rest
Invisible at dawn,–

And yet with neither love nor hate,
Those stars like some snow-white
Minerva’s snow-white marble eyes
Without the gift of sight.

Robert Frost ~ Stars

i get so tired of wearing this fake mask hidding my feeling and pain inside making like im doing fine and im not depressed anymore but when i get alone i cry, cry because im in pain because im hurt and sometimes cry for nothin at all im just ready to say fuck it and go threw with my plan which is to die of carbon monoxide  it seems like the easyest way to die no pain no nothing just death

some of yall may not know me but im hailey_baby. over my life time ive been through a lot.  Horrible father, abusive boyfriend, sisters that hate me and now i have a 3 year old niece to take care of. my life has not been easy but having my niece saved me. if it wasnt for her id be dead. i believe in life theres always someone there to help you. they may not be here now but you gotta hold on and pull yourself through. life may be difficult but it will all be worth it. for me i wait 14 years for that […]

This life isn’t worth living, if you aren’t with me to share it.
That is why I try so hard..
When you hug me, it heals me..
When you kiss me, i feel alive.
I never thought I could fall in love again.
But I did, I fell in love with you.
If I die now, I will die yours forever.
I just want to be yours forever.
But I know I can never be yours forever, whilst I stay.
You will never love me the way I love you.
I am Ariel, so I will die yours forever..

well now both my parents know i started cutting again. and i hate it… i dont want to talk to them about it.. i cant its too hard. but my mom doesnt understand this… i think my dad helped her to a little tho. becuz last nbight she said she didnt think it was nessesary to go to therapy becuz i can talk to her. she then said she’ll talk to my dad about it, and when i woke up this morning she said that i have to go speak to the school counselor today and if they think i need therapy then i’ll go.

but […]

personality keeps splintering, can’t choose a way to be, it’s tiring carrying on multiple faces. What am I talking about? Am I insane. I laughed when I read daniel radcliffe was drunk during a bunch of the harry potter scenes; i laughed to tears. Addicitve personalities man.. i started back drinking coffee again, appetites completely gone, was doing so good eating naturally.. had chocolate this morning after 2 months off.. was doing so well

i was set on not coming back here ever, set on trying harder to be positive, but even then I knew that it was the lingering buzz of the nights events still […]

I have been in a juvie/ mental hospital thing forth past week. I cut myself a little to deep and went to the hospital again. They decided to do something this time. Now that I’m back home I found out I am moving again come April. My mom said I fell in with the wrong group of people and she wants me out. Honestly I know I did but making me move again isn’t going to help. I’m done. Life just isn’t ment to be lived.

I feel fat. I weigh 130 and i am 53 and im 15… i dont knw what to do anymore.. i am not eating today because i have choosen that i am not skinny enough.. people tell me im skinny idk what to do anymore… Hopless feeling is back.. and i just want to throw up what i have not eaten.. does  this make any sense..??

I woke up this morning with the one who walked away in my head. Then I had to see her. I can’t stop crying and I have a job interview in just under an hour. I really believe if I left this planet nobody would even notice at first. My Facebook friends would still be sending me game requests I am not answering anyway. My crew at the karaoke bar I frequent would go on drinking and singing. I doubt anyone would really even care.

I never understood why I would one minute be unbelievably happy and the next minute be crying for no apparent reason..
It all started on a Monday after school, which is another reason life had been unbearable. No matter where I went I was the school whore..or at least the freshman whore. But back to that Monday night, my cousin who’s also my best friend was over spending the night. We were picking out clothes to wear for the next day at school. Then my mom came home, she was obviously stressed and started yelling at me. Next thing I know we’re screaming bloody murder […]

The thoughts are comming back again stronger than ever. I’ve been crying more and more lately. I didnt even go to school today because im thinking about doing it. I just dont see the point of living anymore. Things are getting worse for me. Im just tired of everyone being so mean to me for no reason. Last week this boy cussed me out on facebook for no reason! Then yesterday he said i look like a man, and that im ugly. I haven’t done nothing to him at all. I don’t understand. And i cant even go in the cafeteria without everyone talking about […]