Want my life to end. Thinking about different methods every single day. Being bullied every day by my so called man. He mentally tortures me. How long can I hold on???
Help….

Just got off of the phone to my dad, he thinks that I was just being lazy in my exam, and OCD is not an excuse for the fact that I only wrote three paragraphs….. I love him so much but he’s not very supportive…. I really want him to understand how hard it is….

I can’t help but think that I should have done it when I had the chance. I was on a field trip to Italy, and when we were shopping in sorrento, I noticed a metal fence blocking off a really low down bendy road, it was quite a long way down. […]

Not really too sure what I’m going to write about, but I feel the need to express myself. Here goes nothing..

So lately I’ve been freaking out quite a lot. When I say “freaking out” I mean, REALLY freaking out. Like throwing cookie dough at my dad, screaming, having the cops called on me, and my brother throwing a peanut butter jar at my face to get me to stop. Made for a nice little fat lip for a few days.. I can’t even remember why anymore. It was stupid. A flash.

I was so pissed that day I just couldn’t calm down. I had to shower […]

hey everyone, i recently got back together with my old boyfriend, i never really got over him… watching what he does in class, caring when he gets a new girlfriend i really liked him but i made a stupid mistake and i ended the relationship… but now we are back together and i feel happy again, but all some of my friends are acting really disaproving of me with him (he sort of does a bunch of illegal stuff) but i love him so fuck them

after that last post, it hit me like a broad seeing red; my entire life is an act. No wonder I’m so tired. The minute I leave my apartment, I’m weighed down by the way I have to be to get ahead, to get by, to not be harassed etc etc. I guess in a sense we all do it, but everything I say is a farce. I don’t celebrate holidays anymore, I dropped all superstitions, minimized/simplified my diet; I’m trying to live the way an evolved human might. The world around me doesn’t make sense and I worry about who I’m to become, […]

I feel like breaking down into hysterical sobs but I can’t because I have some semblance of a life to lead.

I’m so shocked that I’m here again, depressed and feeling antsy. I’ve been recording a lot of material the last few days and it’s been wonderful; I feel so proud that I was able to complete so much in such a short period of time, especially since I was raised to procrastinate. I’ve been satisfying my “artists spirit” and the hours just float by. I get really bad hunger cramps because I’m so focused on my shit that I skip dinner. Things have been going […]

Today I realized how strange my parents treat me, my dad is over protective and paranoied ever since his brother died of an overdose and yet he abuses me both emotionaly and phisicaly, my momther says if she had to chose between me and my father she would always chose me and yet she stands by and watches me suffer. Both of my parents are are paranoied like I said earlier about things like me doing drugs, drinking, or cutting myself and yet when my scars from the years of cutting are showing, they pretend not to see them or they buy my lame excuses. […]

I went back to school today, it was the worst couple of hours ever! Was hoping for a fresh start but kept getting dirty looks from people. I feel insecure as it is. I can’t stand the way I am. I hate myself I don’t need someone else to tell me what a fuck up I am. Thought I would have a fresh start with people I considered friends instead I was greeted with a “fuck you!” and someone else shaking their head at me. The thought that kept running through my mind was ‘what am I doing here? Why didn’t I just end it […]

After 2 months I thought I got rid of the awful virus that is eating me alive but I shaved my pubic area and the warts came back with a vengance. I’m in constant pain. All I want to do is sleep to escape. In my dreams I am normal again; the girl in my dreams was not date raped by a scum bag, her innocence and her healthy body are intact. But when I wake up I am diseased, damaged goods. It doesn’t matter how attractive and fit I am because I am a disease carrier. I am destined to be alone for the […]

the girl that i see isnt me

she dyes her hair with out a care

the scars on her skin now make her thin

the thin girl looking there

makes her self sick

and now she says “why am i not thing?”

I recently got accepted for a college course which starts next Monday but just this morning they contacted me saying there was a problem with my application and I’m no longer accepted for the course. I actually felt like my life had a point again up until now. Now its gonna be another 6 months sitting in the dark watching other people enjoy their lives. Back to the emptiness of feeling nothing but hate and shame. Oh well. Somehow I doubt I’ll be around after those 6  months. I’ve simply had enough. Also in my previous post I mentioned not being able to kill myself because of my mum. […]

I’ve never been afraid of anything in my life, but I’m afraid of committing suicide… I’ve bunjee jumped, sky dived, scuba dived, been cage sharking etc. etc. but I always felt with those things that whatever the risk, the likelihood is nothing bad is going to happen… But with suicide I know that obviously something bad is going to happen to me…. That probably doesn’t make sense, but basically I can’t live my life because of the mental anguish I suffer and have suffered for over ten years, but the physcial act of killing myself scares teh living sh*t out of me….. I’ve got all […]

Well nothing happen today. Well except for demons talking to me ! Well I been feeling kind of sad today like I want to cry but I’ll just hold my tears inside. Well I don’t why I’m Feeling sad and nothing hasn’t happen too me today ! My brothers and sisters are nobody wasn’t messing with me. Why is this everyday feeling ? I really don’t know !!!!

Seven years ago my husband left me and my one year old daughter.  He was very verbally abusive and I never realized how much he tore me down.  Since then it has been one bad relationship (if you can call them that) after another.  I have been smacked around, forced to have sex, and used just for sex and I stupidly believed that people loved me when in fact they were just using me.  I don’t think anyone has ever really loved me.  The only person that has kept me going is my daughter but I am starting to think maybe she is better off […]

My suicide story isn’t base on a single dramatic occurrence or a series of bad hands dealt to me by life, like so many have posted concerning their suicide stories. Like many (if not all) here I have been dealing with deep depression, manic mood swings, and suicidal thoughts on a daily basis, that at times feels all consuming. Again, my path to suicide wasn’t due to a traumatic event but rather a fucking series of mundane, minutiae life events that have led me to deciding to off myself at the end of lackluster, Loserville 25 year bullshit life. All my life I haven’t amounted […]

I’m 19 now and I’ve been obsessed with suicide for about 28 months (to be precise :P) I don’t remember how it began… when I was 16 I started feeling depressed, literally because I hated myself, especially my appearance. I remember crying every time I looked in the mirror and crying randomly in public. I didn’t tell anyone… I don’t like talking about my problems to people I know well. Another reason I hated myself so much was because I felt so odd. I got so frustrated with myself and my inability to hold a conversation. I didn’t ever think of suicide at that time […]

Well this would’ve have been my one year free of cutting. They’re small but deep. They’re bleeding quite a bit. I hope this is not a reaccuring event. I was doing so well……

Wow I haven’t cried in forever :’) this sucks really. Well heres the deal,I’m losing another one of my best friends yea what is this the 3rd one? I only have 4 friends I could actually count on and who actually understand me. The one friend I thought I would have forever just cause we’ve been together Forever haha 3years I guess was too long *sigh* well there goes my damn twin/big bro he was the only reason I’m still alive,te only reason I woke up in te morning now…I just don’t know what to do. Yea people are probably thinking “so what wow you […]

one day for sure. i will. i will die at my own hands. Why shouldn’t we be able to pick when we want to die? I think we should. Its our owN life not someone elses. We wouldn’t be harming anyone. Only temporarily. I want to die so bad sometimes. I hate when people(teachers mostly for me) mention suicide and laugh about it and stuff. I Hate that. They shouldn’t be saying things that can hurt someone emotionally. I get affected by people who say certain things. Maybe its just because I have the desire to die and I’d actually consider myself suicidal. But I […]

It feels like I’m living on a roller coaster and I keep getting stuck at the bottom. The past year has been the worst if my life. My parents almost splitting up, my boyfriend attempting suicide, my dad threatening suicide, one of my old friends taking her own life and me being blamed for it. There is no comparison for that type of pain, that agony. I didn’t cause this I had to tell myself just to drag myself out of bed in the morning. People I thought were friends turned their back on me. It hurt. Then another person close to me takes his […]