Hey. How’s everybody doing? I have a question: Does anyone know how many people who have posted on this board have actually committed suicide? Just wondering…

if you were wondering about my disspearance it was because of my 10 day stay at another hopsital for cutting and sucide attempt again. I ended up cutting while i was there i trying to kill myself witch made me have to stay even longer. i am fine now and the scars are starting to heal. but its getting harder and harder to not cut. Sucide plans keep popping up in my head left and right even while im happy. I was thinking about kill myself today idk im just so sick of having to be strong for everyone else but no ones ever strong […]

Hello my friends,

I hope the Christmas day is not being too unkind.

The intention of this post is to introduce myself. I imagine I will be here for a while, and thought it polite to do so before sharing out the trite advice of which I find so often to be true. But I must first apologise; I am in a bad frame of mind tonight and realise I may sound incomprehensible.

You should know that i have decided to make a change. I have decided [selfishly] that to better help myself, I will attempt to help others. You see, I have run out of ideas and am now desperate. This is my […]

I can’t live with this phobia any longer

I told you all it’s what made me suicidal and i wanted to get it sorted out before we started with the ocd and anxiety therapy. Which we didn’t ’cause my therapists didn’t listen to me.

I ain’t placing any blame even if it sounds like it.

I’m sorry for leaving you mum, don’t think i didn’t appreciate all you did for me.

I’m sorry i never showed how much i love you and how much you meant to me.

We had our ups and downs, i still love you though, no matter what.

And dad, i don’t really know what to say, […]

Do you ever feel like you  live your entire life waiting for something?  Wait until next year, then things will get better.  Wait until I  graduate high  school, college, law school — then life will start.  Wait until  I  meet the  right guy, then I will be happy.  Wait, wait, wait.

I’ve been waiting for almost 15 years now.  I always think  the next accomplishment will be  the one to make me happy.   But the longer I live and the more I accomplish, the emptier I feel.  I graduated from high school at the top of my class.  I was a National Merit Scholar and […]

i know this post doesnt belong here, on a website about depression and suicide, but i really need to do something other than cry about it.

Nixon was my cat since i was born, when i lived in a different state. I remember him scratching me when i petted him in the eyes when i was about three. I remember him scratching me when my parents were arguing. I remember falling asleep during breakfast and nixon rubbed my hand which was hanging down. he used to rub against my grandmas hand while we ate and she would say “no i wont give you food.” Mostly I […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVbctV4RTBc&feature=BFa&list=PL342AB87977777904&lf=mh_lolz&index=2
^This is my favourite song from a band named Sigur Ros. It does not contain any real lyrics, so the song was made for “the Listener to create their own story, their own meaning. Enjoy^

I include that, because that is what I am listening to as of now, and what I was listening to when I was over a friend’s house christmas eve morning.  I got drunk over a friend’s house, to which I found out while driving that I was unable to drive (haha), so I called a girl and asked her if I would be able to sleep over, she said yes.  […]

WARNING: The post you are about to read is incredibly long and melodramatic and really not worth reading. Proceed at your own risk.

Hello all. Some of you may remember me, but I doubt it, not that it matters. I hope your holiday season is going better than mine.

I lost my job yesterday for flipping off a customer. I was already pretty upset about it, then I talked to my mother, who confirmed most of my greatest fears in just a few sentences. Her words were something along the lines of “I knew this would happen, it was only a matter of time. Everytime you called […]

“.. I ain’t with you.”

I won’t ever be okay, will I? I can’t ever go back. Can I? No.

It’s been so, so long. I will never get better, I will never stop loathing my very existence. I will never stop puking. I will never stop feeling permanently hunched over. I will never stop cutting. I will never stop drinking every day.  I will never be fucking human.

It’s not pain, this thing inside me. It’s evil. I am pure evil. I’m not necessarily a bad person, I’m too worthless to have that sort of impact on the world. To me, that is evil. Being in this […]

The more i think about it the better it sounds and my familliy doesn’t celebrate chistmas so i wouldnt ruin anything as far as the holidays go but i thought that just sounded nice

Humans, humanity, and this (earthly) world/life is not/never a perfect place..

sometimes it even can be ‘blamed’ because of our human’s hard-wired Nature. ie: the way we’re ‘created’.
A famous atheist literature Christopher Hitchens who just passed away ironically few days before Christmas, he said this: “Evolution has meant that our prefrontal lobes are too small, our adrenal glands are too big, and our reproductive organs apparently designed by committee; a recipe which, alone or in combination, is very certain to lead to some unhappiness and disorder.”

think about that, really…and this is even still just ONE factor (ie: I’m still not talking about other ‘imperfections’ nature […]

So after my last post ive took the perception of life to be what ever i make it. I nearly did it, I nearly left, id taken enough painkillers to almost most me drowsy and my car was full of fuel. Drove as fast as my car would take me and was heading for the large metal lampost i has picked out earlier on the motorway. It came into sight and i aimed at it.. However i swerved past it and carried on. Felt disgusted with myself that i had failed and was forcing myself to carry on life.

A few days of crying and i […]

Hurt and pain so very much of it. I have lost my parents, my husband, my home, my job, my children are back and forth between they love me when I am doing things for them but mostly they just love their dad. I have been raped, beaten, violated, and generally  mistreated a great deal of my life, all I had hopes for were my children and on Christmas eve I can not even get a return phone call after spending several grand and a mostly happy day yesterday. I give to them, to everyone around me. People say I am such a good person, […]

What I’ve been observing on this site so far has me questioning some things.

I’ve only come across nice, intelligent, thoughtful people who happen to be down-on-their-luck, sometimes abused, and suicidal. Life situations aside; why is that? Is it because nice, thoughtful people are more susceptible to life’s pains? Why aren’t more assholes suicidal? I mean really. They would only be doing the world a favor. Maybe that’s too harsh. Maybe I’m just naive. Is it wrong and naive to think that such good souls deserve better? That they do not deserve death? Even if death by their own hands is what they choose?

It makes me […]

Well Its just turned Christmas day in Scotland. In the morning I have the joys of visiting family members I never see or hear from and put on a fake smile and act like I don’t wanna grab a knife and slash my wrists in front of them when they ask the bullshit question – “How are you?” My response will obviously be “Ye fine thanks” because that’s what they want to hear. They only wanna make small talk because that’s what everyone does at so called ‘celebrations’. I would turn down going but as I stated in an earlier post, I’ve disappointed my mum […]

I never noticed but when you look at comments through dashboard you can see peoples email adresses. Can I email you guys that way? Do you guys care? I’m bored…

What happens when the fun fades and reality sets back in? When your friends leave and the game is over and the movie has ended, when what you have left is an empty shell of a life. Then what?
When the music’s over, there’s a sadness that seems unending or overwhelming to say the least. I used to have this thing I was searching for my whole life, this challenge of sorts. It started out as a thought and lingered in my mind as a semi desire. Then it was consuming, but didn’t just consume my thoughts, it became a fairy tale dream. It became […]

Hmmm, where do I even start? I guess I’ll start with my childhood. It was nothing great. I was severe abused; mentally, emotionally, and physically. I was starved, being locked in my room for days and when I was at my weakest point beaten for the littlest things. The parent held responsible? My father.

My parents were still together at the time, my mother was just working constantly. Though, whenever I would tell my mom about the severe abuse, she would just confront my father about it. Which lead to more disciplined as soon as my mom left for work.

Going into fifth grade, I […]

People say.. Everything stays the same. You’re still you. You still remember. It’s just a shift.. Whatever that means:

Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Your mind could offer you whatever you asked upon it.. And no one would be there to stop you from anything. No one would judge you.

But you’d still remember everyone you’d ever loved. You’d still be able to carry them with you. Their memory would protect you..

I think I’m just fantasizing a little.. I think I’d like what death would offer me, but it’s not really an option right now.

For ********? I’m desperate and will travel by bus to Tijuana to get it….but I would like a reliable source first.