my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out i cheated on her.we’re a long distance couple, i hadnt seen her in months.i went through a tough time cos of my relationship with my mum at home, and was so alone at work, nobody to talk to or confide in.i wanted my girl to come visit but she wasnt able to.then i met someone i could confide in.i ended it, and wanted to tell my girlfriend but before i had a chance, someone sent her photos of me and this other girl. she broke up with me, saying i disgust her, she never wants […]

I love how i always get told “your beautiful, your so skinny, you are good enough for anyone” when will people realize i am not beautiful i am not skinny and i will never be good enough for the one i want to be with. I want to be with him but i am not like his girlfriend. even though he always tell me i really like you i want to be with you but we cant cuz im with her. why cant i be good enough. i have never felt this strong about someone and i dont understand how he cant see that i […]

My mom can get cancer again, and my dad left us without a home or money…I have no friends, my family wants me to go die…they all call me a demon…FUCK LIFE! I’m SICK of getting tortured and neglected by people who say they “love” me…WHATS THE MEANING OF LOVE??? LIFE??? I can’t live with this anymore…I”m DONE being the punching bag…I HAVE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE BEFORE…EVERYONE thinks I’m doing it for attention…EVEN MY THERIPIST…They tell me I’m a lying piece of shit…FUCK YOU! I’m only struggling! Why in the HELL would I fake this?! IT’S CALLED PAIN. My STEPDAD don’t give a FUCK about me…he […]

My father has cancer. My mother is always feeling bad. My “friends” only talk to me when they need something. The one I have a crush on thinks I am ugly. Generally everyone thinks that I am ugly. Sometimes I am thinking about it. About suicide. It helps to think about the nice moments in life, people say. Well, when I am trying to do this, I fail. Because I can’t find anything. I am socially awkward and when I try to talk to someone, they hear the first 2 or 3 words and then ignore me. Just like this, while I’m talking they go […]

I’ve been thinking about my life a lot over the past 24 hours.  And I just don’t see the point of it.  The weird thing is that I’m not depressed (just a little sad) but mostly I’m resigned to the fact that my life is unbelievably shitty and has been for 45 years.  So why do I continue to subsist?  It just doesn’t make sense anymore.  I have nothing!  I have no job, no career,  no husband, no boyfriend, no loving, supportive family, no money, huge debt, a few friends but none of whom live near me because I’ve recently relocated – hoping to get […]

it’s supposed to get better. wtf!! last year, due to the train jumpings, train delays are common and i hear many compaining. why can’t that poor fellow take his life somewhere else? we need to go to work!! blah blah blah…now they installed that stupid gate to prevent ppl from jumping and everyone turned to drowning. heck!! i wouldn’t care so much…except our damn train system cock up again and again. hey, no one’s jumping anymore and u go shit on us!! train stopped in the middle of the tunnel and people were fucking trapped for a hr…what’s going on??? hahaha perhaps now that’s a […]

Ruthy proof it.? (medium) ask the sprit”s what’s my age.? (didn’t think so.)

How can I say this so you know, ummm there is an afterlife. Nothing is dead not even you, when you decide to end it. You will be in a different dimension, feeling exactly the same way as you did before. The difference is, you wont be laughing anymore, you will be stuck wishing it was a dream. But it isnt a dream is it. You can’t take it back. So you will be stuck. I know this for sure, because I am a medium. If you know anything about mediums you would know they can communicate with the ones that have passed over. I […]

I am 31 years old in the military but being kicked out, I have no degree and no way of supporting myself after I am out, there are no jobs around here and I have a house payment I will not be able to make any more. I have never been in love or even had sex only kissed one girl and I found out that was on a bet. I now have literally 0 friends, and my parents have disowned me for not being a Christian. I even cancelled my cell phone plan because I never used it except to call businesses. My birthday […]

I’m at my grandparents house and my grandmother and I just had a huge fight so I came into my room and got out my knife, it’s a small pocket knife that I carry around. Most of the time it’s my best friend because it provides me comfort in areas where others don’t. I tried to hang myself but then I have this fear, the only sin that God doesn’t forgive is suicide. So does that mean that I would burn in hell?

Hey, all this talk of cutting on here lately.

As I mentioned in a reply to someone’s cutting post, I cut myself in junior high and high school and stopped around age 17, I put that self-abuse energy into obsessively exercising instead. Sure wish I could get back into the obsessive exercising…

Anyway, years later, I still have self-mutilation scars. It’s one of the biggest things I dread at the start of a relationship, especially as I get older and more interested in, you know, sane people, well-balanced people. My scars are on my thighs, so the big reveal is usually when we’re gettin’ down to business.

By […]

I juuuusssttt want to cut myself. Over and over and over again.

My blackened heart
A disease that corrupts my entire soul
Blood no longer flows through my veins
This iced poison restricts my movements
There’s no saving me
I lie here waiting for Hell to claim my soul
How long must I wait?
A human sacrifice, take it
For I have given up
No longer do I wish to see the green fields of Earth
Deliver me unto Darkness
My heart explodes and leaves a crater
A crater filled with hollow dreams and empty hopes
A crater filled with darkened love and tainted passion
I close my eyes and feel the cold
Death breaths softly on […]

The days seem to get longer and darker everyday , I light one up and take another shot , yeah things will get better if im not sober . I get hit once again slammed into the wall . yet i take that for im a piece of shit . No one knows what happens when the door shuts . They think I laugh smile and have a good time . But deep down inside im dead , have been for a very long time .

i didnt know what to do until i decided to move in with you again . The drugs came […]

Wow, i haven’t had a night like this in a while.

i try to suppress my depressive moods as much as i can these days, because i’m sure the people around me are sick of hearing about all my troubles.  And because i do this, i often have a rather intense hour of crying and panic attacks and i find myself seriously considering suicide once every fortnight or so.

But tonight was different. I was in this intense state almost all night, fighting the strong urge to cut myself. I made a promise to someone every important that i would not do it anymore.

But unfortunatly this just is […]

I don’t know but this thought scares me, i just want to disappear completely, I don’t want any afterlife. Nothingness and black feels much more peaceful. I don’t want to have any thoughts. Just fade away completely. I don’t care about anything.

But what if there is something? Then i’m stuck here forever?????? I really don’t want to continue living in any way. I hope atheists are right.  I’m so sick and tired of this.

I spent a night with friends. Not real friends. Just people that like me when I’m happy. There was a girl there, somebody that reminded me, with each tittering laugh and quick smile, that I haven’t even been on a date in years. I try, so often, but I never seem to get a girl just interested enough. She showed me some of her favorite music and danced, laughing that she didn’t care if she was no good. Some of the bands I know, but I can’t remember the lyrics. I try to dance, but just find myself unsure how. My interests, at best, are […]

It’s now been eight months since I was involuntarily committed for five days. I still have not gone one single day without reliving the awful feelings I felt at having all control over my life taken away by the hospital. From the moment the psych ER doctor laid down his judgement against me I’ve felt like I’ve been living in a nightmare instead of the real world. The immediacy of the terror and shock have faded but in the back of my mind there is still a constant sense of crisis. I feel like my life is divided into two distinct parts: before involuntary commitment […]

im responsible for my actions. i wont and dont ever try to blame someone else for my wrong doings. but i can say that the reason behind my even thinking about doing such actions comes from others. i wont have to senak out and party if im allowed to go out and be a teenager i wouldnt need to hide things from you if you gave me a suitiable environment to open up to and feel safe while doing so. i wouldnt want to end my life if you treated me better. so im at fault for my actions but your at fault for fucking […]

they say depression
isn’t a sign of weakness
but of trying to be strong
for far too long in an unrelenting world
to destroy your spirit
and you won