I’ve tried everyday since I can remember to be normal.. To be happy. But what is normal in honest truth? To be defied by such a small word. And if you
go against, you get laughed at, bullied and such. I fight off the thought of suicide day by day. Each day becomes a struggle.. I feel more sluggish and sluggish as the day passes. Each moment slowly going by. I’m truly afriad of death.. inyet I want it so bad. In the end…. The Pain Will Never Go Away.
I don’t know what i’m doing. I’m just so lost. I never thought that i would be doing this now, but i feel like i need to talk to somebody. Anybody. Then i stumbled upon this site and said “well, why not?” so here i am. Searching to vent without judgement.
To start i suppose i’ve always been like this. Things are getting worst though. I don’t think i will ever actually kill myself but the thoughts are beginning to become more and more severe. Since i was young(er) i’ve always been sad. Never felt like i could meet to everybody’s standards, or reach everyones expectations of […]
An attempt
then another
and then a couple more
but I’m still here
So I take this silver blade
run it quick down my arm
because maybe, if only
fifth time’s the charm
Ever have one of those dreams? The ones where you’re just completely happy and you never want to leave? Last night I had a dream, I fell inlove… I was just happy. Happy to be in his arms, happy to spend forever with him. He was perfect, Norse, strong, tall, long blonde hair, punk. We were laying in a barn at night time, and my parents saw a demon in the window and forced me to leave. I was crying in the dream, why are things so unfair? I loved him.
I woke up feeling like shit. […]
I’m 26 years old and I have a Bachelor in Computer Science. The problem is that I have learned almost nothing. Yes, it’s possible in my country. I can forget working as a programmer, because I’m useless.
After finishing up my compulsory army service, I went to Japan and married the girl of my dreams, a beautiful Japanese girl with whom I had a relationship for the past couple of years.
After that I returned to my fucked up European country to look for a job, so she can come and we can live together. But, there is a huge problem. I AM USELESS in Programming, so […]
My main problem in this life is loneliness, due to my disfigurement. I want to die but now Im having thoughts of waking up in a world wheres no other being at all, as punishment. Im not even religious but I have these fears. Deep in my heart I want to live, but life is so painful for me, I havent been happy in so long.
Right now I’m 16. No, I’m not that melodramatic teen who thinks his life is falling apart beneath him, and no, I’m not having troubles coping with a major loss. I’m 16 in years, not miles. No, I’m no drug-addicted teen nor a a kid who can’t keep a C average in school. My grades are more than decent and my “official” problems are very few. But every last waking moment of my life has been wasted; I’m sure of it! The problem lies deep within me, and shows itself in every waking moment of my life.
When I wake up in the morning, I go […]
Sometimes I wish I lived in the States… Not because I value their beliefs, or like their government… It’s illegal to own fire arms where I live. If I had a gun, I wouldn’t be writing this. I don’t have enough pills for an overdose, and children are playing outside in the snow, so I cannot jump off of my balcony. I just really wish I had a gun and one in the chamber… There is nothing worth living for in my life any more… nothing.
Scissorhands
It’s frustrating how often, when i’m trying to think, there is literally nothing in my head. I’ve never really been smart, and i get that. I just wish there was something there i could rely on. And it’s… Well, it’s not fair. When i was a kid, i read and i read, and everyone though that must mean something. I thought it meant something. But… I read the wrong things. I read fairy tales, i read fantasy, i read short imaginative stories about… Well, what? I can’t remember most of it now. I thought i had a choice: to be smart, or to be pretty. […]
I write you letters in my head to help my weary self. I miss you and I’ve become as cynical as ever because of the thought of you. How should I end our tragic love affair?
if you fuck with my heart
you’re fucked from the start
so rise to present a prize to resent
It’s still too late to understand
Once you are dead theres no coming back
If you make me see red I’ll make you see black
I see that your neck is laced with a necklace craze
My new refined taste will leave you out for days
It’s a bloodlusts inspiration, concentration
I am stronger than you, we all know its the truth
Scissorhands
is there anyone from scandinavia. I need someone to talk or write with. If anyone wants, just type their email.
I have major anxiety issues, my job is stressing me out so much that I can’t think of anything else. I’m terrified of failing and disappointing people. God I’m only 22 years old and having a quarter life crisis.
I completed an accounting degree recently and now working as assistant. acc for a private company… been in for a couple of months and absolutely mentally exhausted beyond relief. Should’ve used my degree as TP because it’s done nothing to help me understand my job. It’s a small company so I can’t learn off anyone else, my boss is almost as clueless as me about the tasks […]
I could go into further detail… but what’s the point? Sometimes when people vent their stories and their pain it just seems like one big pissing contest… Or maybe I’ve just forgotten how to use compassion. Either way, I’m done. People are mean, and when they’re not mean, they die. Everyone I ever thought was special or important has left me, so what’s the point? I don’t even know who or what I am anymore, my head feels hollow. I wish there was something left to cling to, but there just isn’t, it’s all used up. Gone.
I get so jealous of chicks. It’s easy to find a boyfriend, no matter how socially awkward you are, but it’s impossible for me to find someone. When I talk to chicks they shrug me off, every single time. I’m not even unattractive. . . I’m fit, but when I talk in public I can’t keep a conversation going to save my life. The internet is great because you have minutes to think of a response, but in real life I sound like a social retard. If I hear “I have a boyfriend” again I’m going to scream. I’ve heard that 5 times this month. […]
Were’re along way from home, the lyrics are how I feel sometime knowing I’m along way from home. Home being the other side. This is just a side show.
so me and boyfriend slept all summer together. and we were soo close. then we go to school and all this shit happens. we start falling apart, and at first we work it out. but it just keeps getting worse and worse. and he starts cheating on me cause i wouldnt makeout with him on commond. and if i didnt kiss him he would get super mad and call me bad names. it was riping me apart. and this boy now will not talk to me. and im noticing i dont want to eat cause i miss him to much :/ i just wish i […]
99 luftballons                 Always loved this tune.
God intervened in my life, my screwed-up life, because someone prayed for me. Thursday morning, that someone died by suicide.
At visitation, I heard a little kid ask his mom what happened. He tried to explain that she just died. But he asked how. She whispered, “She shot herself.” I couldn’t bear to even stay.
She was “just” my best friend’s mom. My friend, too, but only barely. And I’m posting to beg each of you to NOT do this. This is painful. Whether it’s your daughter, your daughter’s friend, your mailman… Someone is affected. Someone is hurt. And that someone would have done anything […]
I am stuck in a world in which I can not leave
All the pressure is there but I just can’t end it
I have my own burden to bear
I have no real friends, my parents: they don’t care
I have no one in this world. Everything makes me want to leave.
So what’s my burden? Why can’t I leave?
My life is perfect. Everythings good.
I have two paretns who get along
I have a roof over my head and three meals a day
My grades are good
I’m good at sports and other things in general
So what’s making me wanting to go?
well honestly I don’t know
I have all this fucking good stuff […]