I have attempted suicide more than once, this last time I slit my wrist with a utility knife. For some reason unknown to me I’m still here. I have been locked up in mental institutions more than my fair share and the help that I needed and “need” just wasn’t there. I always feel the need to talk and to be heard but needless to say no one wants to hear me. Maybe it’s me? I’ve been bipolar and manic depressive with anxiety for over 12 years now.
all alone the conversations are deep. sitting conversating to the masses but still all alone. drowning in the ruins of my mind. all alone but still they wont leave me alone. to see them and know their presence but lay all alone. quickening decreased health but always thoughts of hell. does suicide help or worsen?
One summer night when I was sixteen I was walking home from my job at a pizza place a couple blocks from my house. It was real late, probably around one or two in the morning, and there was no one around. As I was crossing the street I heard this car coming toward me. It was a good four or five blocks away, but it must’ve been doing 100 because it was closing the distance between me and it pretty rapidly. It was so quiet out all I could hear was the car’s engine, getting louder and louder. I kept walking, thinking: “Surely they […]
I’m sorry that I’m incapable of being something worthwhile.
I apologize for being a flat character in the story that is your life. I have never had to be a fully functioning human being at any point in my life because I was always the tutor, the listener, or the sidekick. I’m not motivated enough to engage in educated debates, nor am I even capable of thinking for myself. I am wandering from place to place with no reason, no purpose, unthinking, unfeeling. I am forgettable, that piece of your life that you will lose all too soon, that part of you that was never worth […]
My mother called earlier today.
She asked among other things “How are you holding on ? Are you alright?”
“I’m ok” I replied. All the while thinking of scalpels and trees.
What else can you really say?
Does anybody else read the lyrics that are posted here? I angrily scroll past them because they take up so much space.
they say im handling everything so well. they dont see the pain do they? i wsh i could feel something other then this hollow pain. sometimes i just want to press stop so i can breath. the people who love me should give their love to those who need it more. sometimes i feel so ugly and empty and i wonder why God could make someone like me? my counciler says dont stop feeling, but thats what i want to do, stop feeling. she told me to stop trying to wave my pain away and that my pain matters. whay does it matter? faking has […]
‘do you know how much i want to kiss you?’
‘thats proably not a smart idea’
‘im not a smart girl’
i kissed him. and he kissed me back. he tasted like sherbert from earlier. his kiss was gentle , not what i expected. he has such a narrow nose and a funny smile. james kisses never felt like that. i dont want aboyfriend and he doesnt want agirlfriend. but i want to kiss him agian! i want to know if itll feel the same! he kissed my nose. james never did that. then agian they are nothing alike. i never felt anything when kissing james. my mind […]
I met my best friend in elementary school. We had both brought our Gameboys to school one day and sat together at lunch once we realized what we had in common. I had Blue version and a Venausaur, he had Red version and a Charizard. He and I battled whenever we could and became great pals. As the years went on, we continued playing Pokemon, even through high school. Throughout all of the Pokemon generations and versions we went though, the battles never became dull.
As we approached college, we had to go separate ways. We didn’t speak much after that; we had such busy lives […]
If anyone needs a friend today
Jenniferjdriscoll@yahoo.com
iamwhereasnailhastobe@hotmail.com
Let me Know who you are on SP.
I’ve made too many mistakes in life and struggle to get thru each day. I believe God’s promise to forgive me, but do not feel forgiven and am still facing a dreadful future.  Racing thoughts of self-hate, guilt, shame, and worry constantly overtake my mind.  It’s a daily torment that will not end and the force is so strong that it must be silenced with a bullet!
I’ve had it! By the end of the day I’ll be in a place that is much better than this hell hole. I’ve tried to hold on but people keep kicking me when I’m down. Today was the final blow. So now I can finally say “goodbye cruel world”.
First off, I’m not suicidal. Have I thought about it? Yes, but I just can’t do it for way too many reasons. But man oh man am I ready to be done with living. It’s just too hard. I’m used up. Empty. The pain, worry, fear and struggle have taken over. I feel nothing positive. I think I’ve even lost my ability to really care about others. I’m shutting them out. I’m locking myself down because I can NOT absorb any more. Since it seems for now my body must continue to function, then I would just as soon withdraw from the world. A deserted […]
I just want to comfortably, lie down and go to sleep, its coming the day is coming, it almost feels like its stopping I’m fighting this, these feelings every day, time to stop fighting, there is nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to, I will never get over the things that hurt me because they will always be there, they won’t go away, it will be the first and last thing I think of everyday… I can’t go on like this is doesn’t get better now, how can it…. I don’t want anybody to think this is the cowards way out, how can […]
Just a minute ago had a mental break down. As I was holding a Knife crying and rambling random stuff out, out of nowhere my Australian Shepherd started whimpering nuzzling my hand that had the knife in it. she crawled under my arm and looked up at me. as my tears were hitting her head she lifted up in my lap and pressed her body against my chest moving the knife and put her head on my shoulder. as she licked the tears off my cheek I started to cry harder she then started to lick my eyes and her warm tong on my aching […]
Today i found myself gazing off into the sky wondering why am i here? my team was practicing and i was on the sidelines due to an injured foot and i thought to myself its the same bull shit everyday. i put on a smile, tell everyone that i am happy, that im fine. but its all a lie. really im thinking to myself, can today be my last day? i want this pain to end. i hate repeating this stupid cycle over and over again. i’ll be happy for a few days then be back where i am at now. everyday is the same […]
My sister pokes her head in my room and asks me. I lie and say no. A few days earlier she asked me, also out of nowhere, “What do you believe the meaning of life is?†I didn’t really think about it, I instantly replied “No meaning. Does the grass or trees or animals have meaning? Do whatever you wantâ€
Sometimes I feel good; I’ll eat properly, work out at the gym, and hang out with my friends. Other times not so great, I stop eating, have no energy to work out and spend all my time alone.
I heard a story once. This girl is outside, […]
My friend recently told me he wanted to kill himself and after a long logical conversation where I did not encourage him to kill himself or not kill himself he claims that I saved his life. So I began thinking of my own suicidal thoughts and how proud I was of myself for not thinking of killing myself for an entire year a thought struck me. I think about it everyday, it’s just become such a casual thought that I don’t notice it anymore. When I’m driving I think about speeding up and crashing into something, I think about how that would be a great […]
I’m in that room again. It’s so colorless. Every time I find myself here I feel like I’m going to fall, because I can’t see anything—it’s all white. No shadows, no indication of walls. But they’re there. I know where they are… I just can’t see them. They’re like glass. Glass that I can’t see the shine on, because there’s no light. At the same time, I can still see. It’s confusing, and it hurts my head to think about. Sometimes I wonder why they put me here, but then the not-memories come aga—
“Chickie!â€
I look up from my book, my pen vanishing into a scarf […]