I’m done. I no longer want to live. I’m killing myself. Tonight, actually.
would it really be that bad if i killed myself right now?
Well I been on drugs and alcohol secne I have been like 8 or 9 I am 31 and been shooting heroin for like 15 yrs or so I cant stop I have been to treatment 20 something times and nothing works I have destroyed any love and friendships I have had my family hates me , my dad told me a few years ago I should of shot myself years ago and saved everyone the trouble , I overdosed like 9 months ago and all he could say was I runed the blanket I happened to be half dead on choking , all […]
Extremely want to die but fear “subconcious false hope” isn’t letting me [Help!]
I’ve been feeling hopeless and depressed since being a child. Years have passed and i’m in the same place. I don’t see any point of keeping on, keep suffering this nightmare of a life. The only thing i think of doing and look for is dying, however I’m afraid i can’t get myself to go through with it as i sense i have within me [not something i truely aware and believe of] some false hope feeling that some rescue could be found and i could feel different about life. This hope isn’t based at all on my feelings and in my mind i really […]
I can’t take it.. I was doing so good and now I want to break down. FML. If I had the guts i would shoot myself right now. I would take every pill I cuold find, shoot myself, and cut.
I don’t remember any sustained feeling of happiness in my life. I learned a long time ago not look forward to something because that’s a guarantee that it won’t happen. I thought that my kids’ father would be at least a activevof their life. WRONG! He not interested in that. I could walk out of this door and leave all three of my kids without a further thought. That’s sad huh? I’m that sad and tired. I wish I never met “Ken” and I wish that I never got pregnant ten years ago and that I didn’t listen to people who said they’d […]
My fiance is the problem in my life. He verbally abuses me every time he starts drinking. Everything that goes wrong is my fault. Tonight again everything is my fault. He has blames me for things that never happened to cover up for himself to his friends. He calls me a stupid piece of shit and a ****. He swears at my mother calling her the same just using different words but the meaning is the same. I am not on anti-depressants any more so I dont have anything to use tonight to just lose myself. I […]
I am so sick of living. I am just ready to die. The person I love rejects me on a daily basis- Not from being in a relationship, but from being friends. It hurts my heart everytime I do and I Tend to cry for hours about it everyday. I just want to die and escape the pain.
Everyone hates me. I am having so much trouble with my family, since they recently found out that I am suicidal. They make jokes and keep waving Suicide In my face like it’s a game- I plan to show them it’s not and try again, but this time […]
I’m still alive. I’m almost 31 but I feel 100. Every second is a waste – with every second passing I feel like I’m merely existing and not living. I feel like all these years have gone by without meaning, and I have no idea who or what I’m living for.
Every few years I got insanely sick and tired of my life, packed all my stuff and leave for somewhere new: A new country, a new job, etc, but the cycle repeats itself again, and eventually I became depressed, negative, and self-hating that I feel the need to reset my life and start over again […]
Too much fighting, yelling, crying…
Greed, death, loss…
I’m sick of everything.
I’m close to losing it…
My fiancee finally got his personal injury settlement… Which was less than half of what was anticipated…
My father was pissed because he wanted more than 800$ but we couldn’t give him 1500$ unless he wanted us to be broke…
He basically called my fiancee useless, and that he wasn’t his kid even though 2 months ago he said he was like one to him,
we ended up giving him 2300$ out of the 400$ in the end… I officially hate my father and want to gtfo the second I get my fucking GED.
My fiancee threatened to leave me […]
I was born under a curse and I will die under a curse. I am in so much pain. My heart is dead why does it keep on beating? My life makes no sense. The 57 years that I have lived have been a complete and total shipwreck. Fuck why am I still breathing. I want to close my eyes and never open them again. I hate myself, evrything and everyone I am a tormented soul Nothing in my life has been normal no matter how much I strive how hard I work there never has been and never will be normalcyl in […]
Oh, hello, 3am.
Since my last post, I’ve started cutting daily–there are scars all over my body, everywhere but my arms. I still burn–and I still prefer burning–but I had forgotten how much more convenient cutting is…and how much more beautiful the scars are.
I move in for college in two weeks–I dunno if that’s good or bad. New beginning means that I might find normal friends, and maybe even be a normal person. Ha. Not likely. But I can get a counselor/therapist once I’m away from home, since my parents don’t realize how far gone I am. Let’s see if I actually do it once I’m […]
so what i feel is everything i do is wrong. my story is… i was in seventh grade and one day i realized that no at all had hugged me or said i love you since i was injured falling off the roof at the age of five. i began trying to make friends preferably girls. i tried to be kind and gentle and kept trying to get that small hug, but nothing happened. later i was in ninth grade, i had frequent quiet episodes where i would ignore EVERYONE. during this whole time i was being degraded by a loving mother. i had often […]
I know I shouldn’t be. My sister is finally home from the navy and yet I still feel depressed. I had a horrible dream that she left and I cried histerically. I wonder if that is a sign that when she really does leave I might finally rest in peace. I don’t know. Maybe I will succeed? I don’t know but I wish this horrible sadness will end soon. I know for sure my family hates me. Or just truly dislikes me a lot. I dont feel one ounce of love from them though my grandmother constantly tells me she does. Maybe I am just […]
My coldness scares me sometimes. I’m uncaring and sometimes I don’t care about my lack of empathy. Other humans are like unfeeling robots to me. They are strange, alien, and unfamiliar to me. I cannot comprehend the fact that they can feel. They can love and hurt and be heartbroken. I understand that on a logical level, but I have a hard time believing it or caring. Something is wrong with my brain. I am heartless and completely apathetic.
Ive gotten to a stage where im sick of my life and just want this misery to end, nothing new. Ive suffered from depression ever since i was a teenager and all efforts ive taken to find a desire to live have failed. as i said its nothing new.
I want to hang myself but before i do i want to know if its going to take me out relatively quickly and efficiently.
I actually thought i was going to kill myself a few weeks to a month ago, but my friend somehow stopped me. School is but a few days away, and for me that means horrible grades(because im so stupid and cant understand a damn thing im taught in school), horrible grades will get my parents to yell at me which, in turn, will bring suicidal thoughts like no other. Also, ill be attending the same school as Her, the person whom i shall love with all my heart forever. And just the sight of her, just the sound of her voice can bring me […]
Or killing yourself is the only rational choice for those who don’t like people in general? I have been thinking about this for such a long long time. In fact, i have decided that the latter really makes sense, but i’m afraid of botching up the attempt and continuing this life as a “disabled misanthrope”, which is the equivalent of Hell in our world.
Well, i was not completely this way during my childhood and adolescence; well i did not have many friends in any time of life (i have an asperger syndrome by the way), but i had some close ones at that time. Also […]
I feel twitchy but it felt a lot better… I choked and panic set in as I looked out the window and saw blurry white skies… I scared myself I wanted to push harder… It didn’t work am I more resilient against it now?…. Just forgot what I was gonna say… Saw that weird white thing zoom on by again… Is Rogue Shadow back?… Haven’t heard from him in a while… My legs felt a little tingly… I am more resilient dammit… Now I must keep going…gonna try again if a few hours maybe…
For the last 2 weeks of vacationas a soon to be junior in high school, I have been playing video games all day every day, nothing else at all, isolated from other humans other than mom stepdad sister uncle and occasional friend. Other than that nothing. I have a routine after 1am…
2:00A.M.
I feel depressed and sad, I also post on SP usually at that time.
3:00A.M.
I feel some sort of crazy insanity. Highly likely this time I would choose to murder or suicide.
4:00A.M.
Oddly, I end up feeling aroused/horny and romantic, but also lonely, normally I masturbate at this time or […]