You said you would love me for forever and a day…..you begged me to move 3000 miles to be with you…….you married me with words on that mountain in Santa cruz because you wanted me to know that I was yours and that you wanted me to be your wife one day……you told my son, my brothers, my friends you would take care of me and would let nothing happen to me…..tell me how you could change your mind in 5 months? I gave you my heart, soul, and body…I had never loved anyone in 43 years as much as I love you….You were my […]

   don’t call me a hypocrit because i’m talking about this being in my position. anyway, i have this one friend and i’m sure she has an eating disorder. she eats as little as possible, tiny nibbles when she eats a sandwich, when she comes to parties she’s not piggging out like the rest of my friends, and she’s rail thin.

   another friend i have has an eating disorder and cuts and burns herself. she chugs pop before meals so she’s not hungry and she has a stash of lighters and razor blades in her room. i’ve know she cuts for a while but just […]

Hello All – This is my story in an attempt to write things down with the hope that it may help my mind.

I’m a 35 yo gay person who did brilliantly throughout high school, got into the medical school of my choice, studied a second degree while at med school, obtaining a 1st class honours and graduating from med school with distinction. I was able to get into several residency programs, and went on to the one of my choice. I had been suffering from depression for many years, perhaps mainly because I had to deal with issues related to growing up in a homophobic […]

people are only looking for there happiness, but they become selfish and you learn sooner or later your alone and they where just looking out for themselves and when you asking for there help they go on like nothing happened. I’m done with this fucking shit, I was literally crying my eyes out to my best friend and no one could take out 5 minutes to help me, she said to me” i don’t wanna fight”, in my head i was like “what the fuck ,where you even listening to anything i was saying; i don’t wanna fight, i want to Die”, not everything is […]

41 years since you died Jimi, may you rest in piece

My plan is complete, my date is set. I will not fuck it up this time. I’m finally over my sense of obligation to others. Today was the end of that. I can’t get anyone to listen or take me seriously. I can’t even get anyone to fucking talk to me. And no one can say I didn’t try because I’ve been screaming my fucking lungs out for months. So that’s it. I’m done. It was a wild ride and I didn’t enjoy any of it. What the fuck was the point? To see how much shit one person can bear before they break? To […]

I think it’d be a pretty cool day to die, either that or January 11th, what do you guys think?

   i’m 15 – 16 in 5 months – and last year i started getting kind of deppressed, i didn’t care about anything, including myself, so i began to cut. i knew if i cut my wrists my mom would see and i’m a swimmer so most of my body would be exposed. so i began to cut up my stomach. i carved DIE into it, i put X’s on it, i had sliced up alot of my stomach. i knew if anyone in my family saw they’d get mad. so i started to resist the urge. then that lead to me putting a plastic […]

Since i am back to this shithole again, at least i will share my experience. I recently attempted to suicide (don’t ask me what i did- didn’t work anyway), but unfortunately my best friend (not so best anymore) found me soon enough and took me to a hospital. Some random doctor brought me back to life (or hell to be more accurate) and now i sit at a computer, digesting the success of my failure. Those bloody doctors are so damn good these days…..

Regarding what actually happened while i was „on my way“- nothing. Don’t remember anything specific, no tunnel, light, dead relatives/friends, […]

The house…
its dark.
Its quiet
but i can hear the tv.
I can hear the voices
coming from the tv.
Is this what really happens
when i am trap in my room.
Does this…
really happen.
When we are all trap
in our little world.
Has our house
become nothing but
an abandon place
where the silence creeps
and the tv flashes on
with nothing but noise.

i’m not going to be on here anymore.

I’m gone. <3

thanks for everyone who has attempted to help me.

sorry for everyone i have tried to help. i can’t be strong.

i think im possed by a life that controls life in which were all victims im dillusional. and i think if there is away to “Heaven” i really dont like sinning i want a way out

woke up. feeling shit. as usual.

i can’t be happy. even in my dreams. *cries*

I haven´t written here for a long time. When found this site I was really messed up. I didn´t know what to do with my life. I still don´t know. I like to think that my depression doesn´t rule my life. That I can control it but sometimes I still fail. I have made peace with it. Atleast I hope so.
Tomorrow is my 18-th birthday. A few years back I was sure that my 17- th would be my last. Thankful it wasn´t. I lived to fight another year with my inner darkness. This year has thought me a lot. […]

I remember the last time my mother took the family and left the state. I relapsed and went in to the hospital 3 months later. Im scared. What if it doesnt take that long this time.

I really looking for a way to go i’ve check to see what this sites about, and every post I read I’ve mostly can relate to.

but i’ve realized it not gonna make me feel better knowing that other people are in this much pain,that a sick way of knowing and wanting people to feel your pain. It makes me angry knowing other have to experience  what I’m going through,I would never want anyone to feel this way. This is not to offend anyone, it just a rant and realization.

I really want everyone to live the life they deserve, it’s cruel of our creator to even […]

I try to sleep and I can’t. My brain won’t shut down. I take another sleeping pill. Another pain pill. Why can’t I just sleep? Just sleep and never wake up.

Fuck this. I’m done.

I love being on my own, I love the freedom it offers. I love when my parents are gone and I’m the only one home. I love being in charge of my life. I wish I had no one to appease or report to. I wish I could live my life the way I choose, completely up to me. But I also hate being alone. I hate the emptiness. I hate being the only one in a big house. I hate when seeing my cat is the bright spot of my day, and I hate not having anyone to turn to. Most of all though, […]

straight for the deep end.

I’m 33 and on disability for bipolar and BPD.  I’ve been to the hospital 10 times in 13 years.  Have had several pseudo-suicide attempts and I’ve burnt and cut myself several times in the past 8 years.  The future feels very lonely and poor.  After I pay my bills and rent, I have about $100 left for the whole month.  I’m worried about the government running out of money and then I’ll probably be homeless.  I live alone in a city where I don’t know anyone.  I’m in therapy, but I don’t know what good it’s going to do.  What I really want is companionship, […]