Sometimes I get into a mood where I don’t want to see people anymore. Sometimes I get a feeling where I really need to talk to this one friend of mine. It’s convenient though, Â because this friend just stopped talking to me randomly. I told him everything, but then I had a fight with his girlfriend. I can see who is more important now. They’re not even a real couple. His girlfriend is the biggest ***** I have ever met, every time I think about her I want to cry. It’s her fault I feel like this, she made my friends say crap things to […]
Please excuse typos and such… I have a headache. >_o
I am in love, yes…
Even though through the past week I shivered every time I said “I love you too”?
I think I have a fever right now, so, I’m not sure if it’s my imagination.
He has xanax because he used to have anxiety issues… They’re the strongest ones you can get.
I’m not making jokes about taking them all because I’m depressed. It’s because I’m sick of living… It’s not that I *want* to die, it’s that I just don’t want to live anymore.
I can’t leave him, I never will. I love it when he’s being an […]
I wear dark hoodies during the summer because I’m to self concious to do otherwise.
Yes mom, I know exactly where those cuts are from, I put them there.
The entire year you tried to convince me you wheren’t a douchy hipster, I didnt believe you because I liked you too much, I don’t like you anymore and I now realise that you really are just a douchy hipster.
The most hurtful words anyone ever said to me hurt me more then they should have.
I always feel like people are talking about me or hate me more then they actually do.
I lied […]
sI am a walking disease.
If I’m willing
I will drink a cup of bleach.
If I wasn’t allow to teach
then throw me a rope.
As I teach myself
to hang from a beam.
Was it a dream?
to be a walking anorexia.
A human who can’t feed herself
properly to perfection.
Was not eating an infection
that consumes my everything.
I am a walking disease
who can’t be trusted by a knife?
Is this a way of life?
That I have scars
that should be
put behind bars.
Or could I jump
in front of a car.
Yes I do have a problem
I use to be afraid of the dark; not anymore. Now I want to be in the dark all the time, where nobody talks to me and nobody sees me. When I enter a room I search for the darkest corner possible, and stand in it. To get away from the crowd and to remian unseen. Nobody even notices im in the same room as them anyways. I just wish I could be as invisible as I feel. The darkness; its where I get peace, quiet, and best of all, its where I can be alone.
-End
I make stupid decisions. I say stupid things. I do stupid things. Im just so stupid.
-End
I just wanted to say, that there are people out there who have encountered and overcome gay bullying!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/11799817
Anyway god—the cosmic consiuness understand your pain very well. He will except you back home, if this is what you really want. I have a feeling we will meet ourselves on the other side. My own plans are going along just smoothly. My backround is a little different then yours tough;
http://nazret.com/blog/index.php/2009/09/14/ethiopian_children_exploited_by_us_adopt
http://nazret.com/blog/index.php/2010/06/15/ethiopia_man_charged_with_child_sex_abus
I was hoping i could stop you. To try to talk you away from this, because your so YOUNG, and you have most of all a LOVING family…something i NEVER had! I was born dead(not breathing)to begin with. […]
well, over a week ago I met another girl on this website, we started e-mailing and stuff, she’s really nice and has a really sweet spirit if you get to know her. I consider her as a close friend even though I don’t know her in real life. she used to post stuff on this site, but she said it wasn’t for her since people haven’t noticed her missing. she told me a few nights ago that she was going to try and kill herself, and I haven’t heard back from her in a few days. I’m really scared she tried to commit suicide and […]
Love this song. It knows me so well. Just hear the lyrics and might understand what its saying O:
Oh man. Meeting him in less than a few days. Why am I so nervous. I don’t LIKE him. I CAN’T like him. Too many complications.
Fuck! I really can’t do this again. Keep fucking liking people I can’t let myself like.
Stupid teenage hormones.
No one can change who we really are.
We have our own Mind
& we Make our own Choices.
I may not be perfect, But no one is.
I do thing’s the way I want to.
I love who I am.
yesterday I realized, You can’t let anyone judge you for the mistakes you make.
What you do Is your responsibilty.
I honestly could care less of what anyone thought of me.
I am who I am and No one is going to change that.
I want to take a stand in this world.
So I’m Stupid?
I got raped when I was 11 & […]
I haven’t posted in a while. I have been actually seeing my friends. Leaving the house. To be honest just trying to get out of my own brain. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years in February and just heard that he has a girlfriend, a business up and running and is doing well. I do not regret breaking up with him and I do not want him back but it really makes me question it all. Why wasn’t he like that when he was with me? And why don’t I have it all worked out now? I could potentially grow old alone […]
i just want say a huge THANK YOU to all of you post here. This has been a life-long struggle, and just having this forum and you folks has been a great help to me.
I’m am by no means done fighting, and knowing you all are there for me to express these turbulent feelings too helps me to keep my head in the fight. My heart seems to have given up long ago so a logical approach is all I have left. When the illogical and irrational thoughts creep in it helps me to tell you all.
I hate that y’all are struggling too, […]
So first things first, this is me scratching at the surface of my family history, before I say anything….I am the youngest out of 4 and the only girl (Filipino/Chinese mother and father; whom all are very, very, very, very, STRONG personalities/leaders and most likely the five most absolute hardest personalities to deal on earth with if you are in close proximity to them). Parents divorced when I was 2 yrs old. My dumb(for marrying my dad), loving, hurtful, queen-complex, Cluster B personality, mother MARRIED and DIVORCED my totally narcissistic(confused with OCPD?), its-okay-to-cheat-on-and-beat-my-wife-and-children, hell-of-a-social-climber, insane, oh-maybe-I-should-start-to-treasure-my-relationships-with-my-children-now-that-I’m-getting-older, OCPD dad THREE TIMES. My three older brothers […]
I know many people say they are a disappointment and maybe they are, but I know I am a disappointment. I can never live up to anyone’s standards. I get told by my mom almost everyday that she has higher expectations for me than my sister. My sister is 5 years older than me. Why do I have higher expectations? Yeah I got better grades, but that doesn’t mean anything. It just means that I don’t have a life so I can waste my day studying for something we haven’t even learned yet. I have always had to take care of myself. One day I […]
I’ve tried 3 times. The first one I took 16 sleeping pills. The 2nd I tried to drowned myself. The 3rd…I slit my wrists. I survived. I wanted to. This thing is like a disease..I want help but I don’t want to end up in a mental home..
You never talk to me anymore. Yet, you still talk to everyone else. Everytime I see that you’re online, I send you a chat message asking you to please talk to me again. You reply to me with silence, or you just go offline. You dont know what you’re doing to me when you dont say anything back to me. I dont know what happened between us, we went from being the best of friends to complete strangers. I feel I am the only one trying to rebuild what use to be our friendship, but you stop me everytime I try. You never listen to me. […]
i don’t know how to survive anymore.
i cannot live this life.
i cannot stand this pain.
i can’t do this.
Continued from: here.
Letter didn’t go so well. I threw too many complaints at him at once, completely blindsiding him. But I had no other way to get it out. I was hoping this could open an avenue of discussion between us and we could be more comfortable around each other. Today… the next day… I feel like I’m choking. I was fine all day until he got home from work. He acts like he’s walking on eggshells around me. He says at dinner, “I would tell you about my day, but I’m not allowed to talk about anything negative.” … I had […]
Before I even start, I need to ask a question. I need a way to make it look like an accident. Just… Yeah. Okay, now to an actual rant and stuff.
For the past, ehhh, 3 years, I guess, my life has been going downhill FAST. I never really noticed it until now, probably because I was too young. I’m 13, atm.. Which is pretty young. I feel much older, though. Probably more hardships than someone much, much older. Anyway, time to start explaining. This may or may not be long, as I have trouble typing long paragraphs and such.
I guess I’ll start with my family. […]