i guess tonight is the end, the end of happiness and sadness, just the end.

This is something I wrote 13 years ago, when I was feeling a helluva lot better. I know some folks don’t want to hear it, they don’t have to read it. Some people here need friends, and that’s what this is about…. being friends. Not just saying you are, but actually being there when needed.  It’s on the long side, sorry.

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Lately I’ve been feeling

like I really don’t fit in,

I don’t know where I’m going,

I’m ashamed of where I’ve been.

It doesn’t seem to matter,

where I go or what I do,

the people with whom I can relate

seem to be a precious few.

I can’t put my finger on […]

The fear is palpable
The pain isn’t manageable

Wrists out
Knife slits

That’s the way I’m going out
The way it is all going to end

You’ll be done with me
I’ll be through with you

Let’s both pray that this time —
I’ll be through

It started in 8th grade. The first year that I really realized my mom had drug and alcohol problems. The first time I knew the reason she never went on field trips with me. Why she never went to parent teacher confrences. Why I wasnt allowed to have sleep overs. Well you know what mom, you don’t have to worry about my b*tching anymore cause I’m ending it soon. Ending it so you never have to see my face again. Ending it so you will finally feel the pain I’ve been feeling for 16 years.

Try again?

I wish.

I want so badly to.

But, too many people know now, and they would stop me before I could. I’m probably just waiting for my moment. If it will ever come again.

Maybe I’ll do something with my hair, I’ll dye it. I should probably go on a diet too. Maybe then he’ll consider even looking at me.

i think this is stupid! People want to commit suicide because they either split up with there bf/gf or someone doesnt like them. Im 19 my bf passed away 5 weeks ago he was the only person i trusted and loved, i was abused when i was 9 my nan died when i was 13 i moved in with my bf cuz my whole fam argued with me 24/7 even 2 days after my bf died they caused an argument we were 2geva for 4 years gt nah friends dnt trust no 1 nd i dnt even no wt job i wna do i […]

I’ve got a shit load of Diclofenac in my room for treating back pain. Can’t tell you how much I wanna take every single one of them right now. This might just be the third overdose.

I want to kill myself really bad and i am gonna do it today because wat ever i do she hates wat ever my gramma does she loves never put atencion on me always going to school for her nusering pratice and sucks so pliz help kill myself today pliz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY LIFE SUCKS TO MANNNNYYYY SUFERING BEING IN MEXICO SUXKKKSSS!!!!!

How can you see me when I am nothing?  You have made me feel like that for the past 10 years…… but now that stops. I’ll keep fighting if I have to, whatever it takes to get you to relize that you don’t listen to me. I have never asked too much of you….is asking for my happiness really to much? If  I go back to you the only emotion I’ll ever have is emptiness. Can you listen without aruging? I don’t think so…but then again you never listened in the first place so to what does it matter? You can go ahead an lie […]

I have come so close to ending it, but like a coward I freaked out, then I sent a text and I made him promise that he would talk to me. It could be at least 4 days tho. Thing is I don’t think he knows how severely depressed I am. What I’ve already done in preparation not to mention what I did back in march. I’ve distanced myself and he’s the last one I want to talk to. I don’t even know if it will help at all getting answers from him but if it doesnt…I’m ready.

It apears that ******** is 78% of the air we breath. ******** is even more efficient for suicide then helium!

It is used in sports like paintball, and can even be artificially manufactured AT HOME!

http://www.southtektalk.com/2009/02/make-your-own-********-and-end-your-gas.html

They busted us!

http://assistedsuicide.org/blog/2011/05/26/fbi-seized-gladd-sewing-machine

You\'re Going to Die

I just watched “Fight Club” for the first time. Guess who took me there? Douchebag ex-boyfriend. 8 months since he dumped me and I’m still his *****. He bought me dinner and then took the schizophrenic girl who hates watching conflict to see “Fight Club”. Afterward I asked him why he thought it would be a good idea, and he said, “I guess I didn’t think about it. I don’t think of you as a schizophrenic girl. I just think of you as Kaylie.” Just like him to use a line like that to excuse thoughtless actions. I cried through a lot of it, but […]

There’s a reason I hate spending time with you. And I am never, ever going to give up my friends for you.

You’re a crap sister and you mean nothing to me compared to my friends.

My counselor told me to make plans with my friends so my life didn’t always revolve around my sister. Cool, the first weekend I try to do that, my sister gets all pissed off at me and is forcing me to do something with her. I really like controlling my own life. Fuck you.

I just need someone to talk to. And I still wish it was him. I just need someone […]

My Uncle Vic shot himself 3 years ago and ever since then I’ve tried to kill myself… I was almost successful at least 5 times but each time after I did so something great would happen but after that one good thing everything would become ruined. I’m so lost in this world and none of my family understand….

Suicide (:

Feeling really lost today. I’m kinda just realizing that life isn’t worth it, I’ve always felt this strange impact of wanting to die, over and over. its never really been this way before

My eyes have run out of tears, or maybe I’ve outgrown them. I can’t wait until I die, thats all I know. Lets hope this summer will be one not to forget anytime soon…

so i just text amanda (my gf) asking if she even wanted to talk to me anymore cus she never does and that i guess if she wants to tallk then get to me over facebook cus im turning off my phone . . . so far nothing and i feel like i want to cry and actualy am a bit . . .now dont think me the crazy gf cus
this is how the last convo went
me:hello dear
her:hi
me:whatcha up to today?
no reply after that that was 2 days ago i havent text back since not even to say night i love […]

Today was the last day of school.  I’m officially done with 10th grade.  That means I’ve got at least two more years of being completely fucking lonely and having to feel like I’m repulsive and hideous.  At least I’ve got a three month break from having to see pretty girls who don’t give a fuck about my existence.  I just wish I wasn’t such an ugly fuck, then maybe at least one girl could give me a pity date, but I can’t even get that now can I?  Fuck.  I wish I were dead.  I wish I could just get away from all of this. […]