I get this feeling
that I don’t feel the same way

I can’t smile or cry
or laugh or hurt
in quite the same way

and you say it
try to explain it
and I understand the words
can comprehend the thoughts
but I just don’t entirely
feel the same way

and it’s so lonely
I’m isolated
because I can’t possibly
feel the same way

and this feeling
of not quite feeling
I can’t describe it
it’s not so empty
but kind of empty
I feel defeated
at a loss for words
to make anyone at all
feel the same way

I look at my gun and I am so tired, Im 22…been feeling this way for so long, Ive tried everything and it does nothing..I really have no idea why I even registered, will someone care? Why should they? Will it mean something when they desert me like everyone has every done. I dont fear death…hence it adds to my confusion why I am here, if not fear it then why go? I have nothing to live for..just more blood and more pain.

Im tired of getting my ass kicked because I am gay.

Im tired of having no friend or friends to merely use me.

Im tired […]

I think about death everyday. I count the hours until I can go to bed and escape for another day…. I have been to doing this for about the past 10 years… I tried to OD in July of 2005 but my wife at the time got me to the ER in time… No one told me that Overdosing on sleeping pills and dmx would damage my liver if it was not successful ….30% of my liver is gone… I live each day in pain and fatigue….and with depression on top…. My birthday is in 11 days.. I will be out […]

How do you help someone who can’t be helped?

I care, far too much. It’s killing me, every time I try to help you, it pushes me further down this hole. But no, I won’t ever leave you behind. Ever. I’ll keep your head above the water, even if it means I drown.

You need to start walking, because. You’re just standing there, and so am I. We’re both not trying, well, you’re not trying. I’m pushing and pushing, but you won’t budge. There’s only so much I can do before I get exausted, and can’t even walk myself.

Please, please. Just try, I can’t keep doing this. […]

I’m going to do it just haven’t decided when or how yet . i guess Ive always known i would just always kept hoping things would get better . i grew up poor and yet still achieved a 4.0 gpa in high school . I cam close to attaining 3 degrees then ran out of grants and scholarships so had to quit and get a job to live . Got laid off from that job after 3 years and got another one got laid off by them too. my whole life has been about taking care of others family gf’s , my now ex fiance […]

my email is animecat9@aol.com my aim is animecat9 just the way its typed.We can chat about anything.BTW if i dont post in a while its either because im dead,in a hospitle for attempted suicide,in jail for murder(im serious) just given ya a head start.

HA. wow if my mom wasn’t in the house right now, I’d be dancing around the house drunk as, and covered in my own blood XDD singing at the top of my lungs Strawberry Gashes by Jack Off Jill.

I wish you’d never have messaged me, you make me die. infact no, you make me want to die.

Darkness within,
Heart of cold.
Stars don’t shine anymore.
Moonless night
Sky so dark.
Hope gone,
Nothing lefth,
only pain, sorrow and hurt.

It is so dark in here.
I feel so alone here,
nobody else can make it go away, only me.
My arms are full of failed attempts.
Blood and scars are my only companions.
They know the real me inside out.
They see me everywhere.

I know only hurt.
Smiling seems so fake,
and I don’t fake.
Sadness is my only friend,
from now to forever.

He sent me a message on MSN today…
My mom had also taken my laptop away…

He hasn’t been online since Febuary last year. I give up. Angelspit full blast, and my beautiful, shiny, metallic friend. It’s the only way.

my heart has bled out

as will my body

masochistim,  lust, deathwish have grown

I’m ill beyond your comprehension

And I’ll pay you back what you’ve done to me

Atlast my death will

No more a slave

No more suffering (imposed by you)

For I am my own lord now

And I will punish you

For that you will never, ever

humiliate me again

Oh, you will pay so dearly

I will hurt nobody

It is just the chicken’s coming home to roost

You will be cut down

…by your own doing

Emm don’t know how to start this off or what to say even, it’s like my 3rd time posting on this since December but go on this site everyday without fail and the stuff i read here is devastating.. I know my posts aren’t even half as bad as the rest of them.. my heart really does melt when i read them..
Swiftly moving on so yeah the past weeks have been O.K , well actually good, a bit too good to be true and thought and boy was i right.. well to start off i won 75€ in a lotto type of thing and […]

So am i suppose to be happy? The love of my life is gone, my mom’s always with her boyfriend who’s birthday is today also. I hate my birthday already. I feel like there’s no reason to even celebrate it anymore. It’s like Depression never gives you a day off. Even on your birthday. So now i just sit here. Thinking about the love i had, and hoping that this day will end. Happy Birthday me.

barely alive
drifting through time
world is overflowing with people
yet I feel so entirely alone
hear the wind howling
passing through my hair
wish it could blow me away
and make me disappear

I know that nobody here knows me, and you don’t need to in order to get something from what I’m writing here, I will however give a brief summary of the larger points in my life and why I’m so unstable.

I was born premature, weighing 2 pounds 3 ounces to my parents who live in New Jersey. I was born with nerve damage in both eyes with the right being worse. I have an astigmatism and nystagmus (unbalanced optical muscles which causes your pupils to shake). My doctor said it’s a miracle I can even see, but I only find it to be a curse […]

I’m going to kill myself. I don’t know when. I don’t know how but Im going to end this. I just have to write it all down for my 2 sisters that I’m not related too. That’s all that’s keeping me here now. I was religionish before but god’s gone silent.

Life’s a *****. I know that, yet I still sat on my ass and hoped for change. Life’s a harsh mistress and shows no mercy; yet I recently learned I want to live. Watching the images of the tragedy in Japan makes me realize how lucky I am regardless of how shitty my life is now. I think I’m going to become an activist or journalist; it’s the only way to repay the kindness I’ve recieved here on SP is to persevere through obstacles, excel in life, and help others in need.

To put it simply: everything changed. I had two homes, one with my dad and stepmom and one with my mom. I had 3 best friends and an amazing band with them. I had a girlfriend who I still love. I got in to the art school I wanted, and lived from music, art and love.

I was always closer to my dad, who´s helped me with practically everything, especially with my band. We used to talk about everything. My parents, they both have bad and good sides. Dad with his rage and manipulative behavior and mom with her drinking problems, though neither of them seems […]

#suicideproject

At FreeNode North America ( Mirc Of The Linux , Ubuntu users)

Hope that anyone fills free to use it as most navigators (Opera , Mozilla = actually have little mirc versions embedded.

http://www.opera.com/

After installing opera its quite easy , the button is located on the left of the browser and it looks like a cartoon dialog thing , its shaped like that and its easily found .On the left side bar of the browser.

Also on top there is the CHAT menu button.

After that just put in the information mentioned above and you will be logged in to the server.

Just typing in the simple /join #suicidalproject will […]

Looking at my scars
needing to make more
pick up the knife
let the comforting blade
caress my eager wrists
but still no blood

the blades gone dull
or my skin’s too thick
so I scrape the knife
back and forth
till my skin is raw
but still no blood

ripping and slicing
digging and crying
carving so deep to find it
but still no blood

tension building
so close I can almost see it
imagine the blood
crawling down my arm
taking with it all the pain
so I pierce away at the flesh
but still no blood

nothings working
lungs collapse
my hearts dejected
tears of frustration