You know you can’t hold me forever, I didn’t sign up for you

I’m not a present for your friends to open, this boy’s too young to be singing the bluuuuuuues

Just, this song is such a perfect stand in for where I am right now. Failed entirely by the promises of fame and fortune given in my youth. You can’t let me in your penthouse, I’m going back to my plow.

I finally decided my future lies beyond the yellow brick road……

No one here has the answers I’m looking for. I can’t get it here. So this is a location and lifestyle problem, not a being alive […]

I feel suicidal because my teacher that sexually assaulted me in college is still stalking me. She won’t leave me alone. I’m scared and I’m hurting. She’s completely ruined my life. She’s slandered my reputation. I’m in my early 20s and I already feel like my life is over because I can’t escape my stalker.

I feel like the only way out is to kill myself. I have no friends. She has ruined my life. She contacts jobs I apply to and ruins my reputation before I even start. She’s sent people to my job to harass me. I thought about going to the police but […]

I feel like 95% of us here are gonna stay chronically depressed. Sure, many may not *BE* on SP in the future, but that doesn’t mean they are “cured” of their depression. Hell, some of us who stop posting have “disappeared” from this mortal coil.

Yes, statistically, it makes sense there could be a few I gander will get rid of their depression forever, but until I SEE it happen, I just don’t believe the majority of us will. I’ve spoken to many ppl in their 60s, 70s, and 80s in other depression groups- they’ve all told me they had depression […]

What the difference between a chronically depressed/suicidal person and one who is not?

I know of so many arrogant egocentric selfish people- these ppl tend to be the happiest ppl- they love themselves way too much, think too much of themselves, and are selfish to the core. These ppl don’t question their existence, or their skills- or the lack thereof- they think so highly of themselves when they have no reason to. Hell, it’s usually the dumbest ppl with the lowest amount of skill that think they’re the best/smartest ppl. Or the most assholish greedy selfish ppl who think they are […]

Spoilers for the 2022 movie Old Man, so watch out for that if you care.

It’s been a while since I needed to post twice in a day, but this was a different enough thing, enough of it’s own thing that I felt it was worth seperating out. Let me paint you a picture and tell you a story, because chances are you aren’t going to watch this movie I have now watched twice.

A young man stands in a clearing of a forest, in front of him, and suddenly in front of us is a house. Smoke comes from the chimney, and the windows are lit […]

I’m nearing the end of me, again. I know, I’ve said it a lot, and it was true all of those times too. This isn’t a boy cried wolf situation, this is a wolf infestation situation, how’s that for a turn of phrase?!

The why doesn’t even matter, one more crisis than I can handle, 10% more stress than my body can take even with a full dose of prescription medications, caffeine and nicotine. It feels like my stomach is full of sharp triangles of steel. It feels like I laid down in wet concrete, and it is starting to harden.

I want to run. It’s taking […]

So get this- this 17yo has only passed THREE classes in the THREE years of HS. Late or absent 272d. His GPA is 0.13. Yes, 0.13. AND get this- he’s ranked 62/120, meaning there are 58 kids who have grades WORSE than him, meaning he’s in the TOP HALF of his grade. Like…what?

I’m surprised Americans know how to tie their shoelaces at this point.

And no, this isn’t “just Baltimore.”

“The National Center for Education Statistics doesn’t rank the states, but Education Week assigns each state a grade from A to F based on several factors. No state has achieved an A, […]

Could death be what gives life meaning?

It took 4d for someone to finally notice and call the police.
You’d think at least the cleaners who come at night would notice…

If any of you think your life matters to your boss/coworkers, think again.
Well, I guess they “care” when work ain’t being done.

1 will make it shut up but then i wont be able to get enough because i oh so want that damn peace to be infinite and last forever so then ill have to do 2 and go onto  3 maybe 4 perchance 5 and 6 times but then its got me and i am pushed into the sea  and then shit, im neck deep and drowning in pure want. and suddenly my legs are numb and the life is draining out of me and i try to swim out but i’m moving against a m a s s i v e current. the sea […]

Week was as unproductive as usual. The Tuesday meeting was pretty bad. My advisor tried to reiterate that he wants me to submit a paper by October. Seemed to be annoyed that I still haven’t built my stupid fucking robot by now. I hesitated when he asked if I can get it done. Just didn’t have the heart to lie like I normally do. Could tell he wasn’t happy with my hesitancy. The thing is he isn’t even asking a whole lot. Any person who had half a fucking brain could probably do it. Too bad […]

What would you do if you had any power or ability you wish?

Do we exist for nothing?

It just keeps tripping me to a souless state. But I won’t take it myself. However, the waiting is worse,

Waiting is giving it more chances to toy with my limits. I suppose I can at least say I didn’t give in fast.

The most interesting thing to me is how when you take an addict, or other dependent type and you start to ween them off whatever they’ve been on, and stuff will start to happen to try to pull them back. Up until you start trying to dry up, it seems like a bad idea.

However somewhere on the way up, you get smacked in the face with some obstacle, and that obstacle is probably what was keeping you hooked in the first place. This happens with behavior change too, maladaptive behavior trying to swap it out, you’ll find out why you started on the way back […]

Why is the world so sad right now?

So I talked to my advisor. Turns out he won’t be gone all semester. Just all of September. It’s always such as strange conversation. It starts out so hopeful than you can tell he gets more and more disappointed as time goes on. I’m just glad it wasn’t in person. This weekend was a bust. Couldn’t muster the energy to wake up early and ended up waking up at 11. Been avoiding like I always do. It teeter totters back and forward to thinking it will be ok to thinking that there’s no way out. I can […]

The desire to die has been a part of my life since I was a teen. I feel like my mind is a malicious entity that just does not want me to live a normal life. It torments me in cycles, letting feel me normal and great and then it all comes crashing down into the pit of despair. I hate it. I want it to stop. It’s ruined my life. Each iteration becomes worse. I isolate myself because I don’t want anyone to know. I fight it with all my will, but I am afraid that it will win in the end.

af to suddenly chilly? Where the fuck is the nice in between weather??

This whole summer it has been disgusting- like 80% humidity disgusting. Finally summer is over but it went from tank top and shorts to chilly jacket weather. Like WTF. Whatever happened to like, you know, the FOUR f*ing seasons? It’s all nonstop crap weather here- goes from hot and humid af summer to “winter.” and in between it just rains and rains and rains. UGH.