I was finally out of a depressive episode and am not actively looking to die, and now I feel myself spiraling down again. The past few days were so nice, and I was so happy, and motivated. I talked to people, went outside, kept on top of all my schoolwork, and made time my hobbies and even got to enjoy that time spent. It was just so much easier, and I had energy to actually do stuff. But now I feel myself getting dragged down into the depths again, and I’m just so scared. I’ve never been this scared before to sink back down into […]
School ended two weeks ago. Barely passed the one class I was in and didn’t hit my goals for my thesis. Fairly predictable outcome. I got to go home for a week which is nice. I always get short tempered when I’m around my family. I just got so used to being on my own that having to plan around other people gets annoying. I really shouldn’t be though. My parents were really happy to see me again. Been almost half a year since they did. Wish I wasn’t and can be happy around them, but […]
This penguin was a loner, didn’t “hang out” with the other Penguins, and kept walking toward the mountains where it would lead to certain death. Wish the guys had followed the Penguin to the end to see what it did, and why it wanted to walk towards the mountains.
okay. MAYBE I’m catastrophizing. I always feel the need to contextualize that I’m or at least I was a very sick puppy, which means my feelings and perspectives might just be wrong. Yeah. I’m sort of doing better.
Anyway, so me and the state I live in, SPECIFICALLY the people that run it and control it are at opposite ends. I’m a long haired commie liberal who doesn’t have a problem with brown people, and they hate everything about that. Am I being too harsh? Oh, more importantly, I’m pro labor, they are pro business. That gap is the one that we can’t get over.
I mean, […]
Independent Penguin buys his own fish
~30s
The Smartest Penguin in the World Goes Shopping for Fish!!
~8min
hi. i’m i_f33l_s0_l0st, but you can call me jinx if you like. or just j. i use they/them pronouns, i suppose. i’m afab non-binary and queer. i don’t really know why any of this matters, but it does, i guess.
here’s a fun little list of my mental issues in alphabetical order for your convenience:
attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
autism spectrum disorder
body dysmorphia
depression
eating disorder not otherwise specified (EDNOS)
gender dysphoria
generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
intrusive thoughts
obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)
self harm tendencies (SH)
social anxiety
suicidal ideation
wasn’t that so fun? just positively thrilling?
anyways feel free to vent in the comments i love hearing about other peoples’ trauma as opposed to mine (:
I’ve been thinking about the ways my addictive/compulsive behaviours increase my suffering, and some stuff from a video on addiction struck a chord with me. That one of the largest risk factors with addiction is a sense of meaningless in life, a lack of purpose. And I’ve felt that pretty much my entire adult life.
The idea is basically that you need something meaningful to help you deal with negative experiences, to make them seem tolerable. Otherwise you suffer far more than you would from just the experience alone, leaving you more likely to turn to addiction to “fill the gap”. An example of this for […]
Apparently not Americans lol
~1min
Canadians- yep
Germans- yep
Dutch- yep
Americans- NO, NEIN, NYET, HELL NO!
Do you think it would soften the blow leaving my mom all the money ive saved over the years, tens of thousands. After i do it i mean.
i cant wait til shes gone
I am a mess in my own head. A Judas in my mind, I suppose.
I loved wrestling as a kid, mainly WWE. Got into TNA (Imapct Wrestling) as a teen, and eventually wound up back into WWE. It’s how I made friends, it’s a big part of my life.
Now, as good as it’s been overall with AEW now being in the mix (even though AEW has fallen off a bit now in my opinion), I haven’t been watching it for 7 months now. I follow it to a degree, sure, and I’ll always have the memories of a lot of it, but I don’t really […]
How many of you feel trapped in your current life?
I should be a mom. They should be here. I would go through the pain I went through a million times over if it meant just one of them would be here with me today.
My babies,
I think about all four of you. I wonder what you would’ve been like. I wonder what you would look like. I miss you so much it almost feels like I held you in my arms. I’m so sorry my body wasn’t strong enough. I’m so incredibly sorry that I couldn’t carry you all the way. You were so, so very wanted. The […]
Sometimes I think that I’m better off by myself. I keep thinking about all the times I’ve tried and failed to just talk to people. The times I tried to join in on a conversation, but no one heard me (or maybe they were ignoring me…). I don’t feel like I have the ability to connect with people. I actually used to have friends, but neither of them talk to me anymore.
I do enjoy being by myself sometimes. And I guess there are some benefits to being by myself. I read an article the other day in my English class. It was about the benefits […]
to win 1K a week for life? That’s $52K.
Wouldn’t “solve” our depression but it sure would help a lot!
I wouldn’t have to worry about rent, or living in a shitty place just bc it’s cheap.
I could live in a NICE apt in a NICE city in a NICE neighborhood, where it’s safe and nice to walk around.
Hell, I’d prolly go to Hawaii, or travel the world.
That isn’t a “ton” of money but that is enough, and that is security. To know you’d always have said amount, which means you’ll always have a decent place to live and always have […]
I thought this period of my life was over. It’s been 2 years since I self-harmed last and more than a year since I actually wanted to kill myself. Things are going good for me. I just can’t seem to get it right, this living thing. I rot, and rot, and rot.
I didn’t have any sharp enough clades in the house. I had finally gotten rid of my backup razor blade. I really thought
I didn’t even break much skin. The blade it too dull. I want to scream.
I almost said to my best friend as she was walking […]
Was by watching/ reading specialized shit, shit far removed from the mainstream, you depart from the mainstream in this world and you go under. I remember building up a collection of non mainstream movies, oh how I wish that collection was in front of me right now, I sold said collection in furtherance of the purchase of drugs, but if that collection was in front of me I would take a sledgehammer to it. I got back into watching mainstream shit such as premier league soccer and noticed an improvement in myself. Food for tbought, perhaps once in a blue moon you can indulge in […]
I could list all the things I did wrong today or all of the things that went wrong on their own, but it wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t help. Lately, I’ve been trying to convince myself that I have a purpose. Or at least that I would be missed by someone. The truth is, though, I’ve done such a fantastic job of isolating myself that I’m not sure anybody would even notice let alone care. There’s nobody to blame but myself. I used to believe that I had a shot at building a happy or at least somewhat comfortable life, but that just isn’t true. I’m […]
I’m sitting here on Day2 of my Period and I’m gushing out like a geyser -_-
UGH
All battles can be conquered however it seems depression is a never ending battle. Like there’s no end to restless nights, self haterd, low energy and so on… The battles could be endless. However many people believe we should just put on a smile and everything will fade away and everything will be cured, or take happy pills and everything is fine. I don’t think many people actually understand depression even those who go through it. I think we all suffer in separate ways, however someone just being there for us all to be a whole is something we don’t appreciate till late… Anyway rant […]