I know that’s wrong but I can’t do this. I can’t sit here alone all day and stay alive.
Out the door 10.30.
I will stick to what they planned.
Typing that is a bit of a relief.
Peace
Tag:
30
Every-day is the same: I wake-up, and stare through my window — at the consequence of London’s cold winters. The slight breeze in my room –basically my world- makes me chilly (cold). I get back into bed, and go through my phone for 45 minutes: battling with myself not to get out bed. As the clocks strike 11, I start hearing calls to have my breakfast… I already know what the menu will include: eggs, cheese, tomatoes, olives, tea and toasted bread: I love the menu; but I’m trying to become a vegan. Nevertheless, I have some cheese, spinach and a few pieces of fruit […]
Having seen enough of this world, there is one conclusion to be made. The world is a cruel place that puts priority on rank and superiority. Make no mistake, in today’s culture you will find solace in books, movies and religion. However, they only serve to momentarily ease your suffering to give you false hope based on fiction. Invariably, they deceive you and disappoint you to deny you the reality of life. You may have a family and loved ones who genuinely love you, but what is the use of that love if you live a life as a failure and constantly depend on their kindness?
From when you are born, you are in competition with those around you, to […]
1 hour and 30 minutes into new years and my mum stars just screaming at me like a fucking cow. Keep in mind that this was not the first time she shouted at me for no reason. I don’t know what i did wrong. I’m questioning myself over and over again. I’m planning either killing myself by and overdose or just fail but experience severe pain. Note that i come from a Muslim family even though in my perspective, i think that all religion are a joke. It is believed in Islam though that you will go straight to Hell if you self harm or […]
I’m sick of my life… It’s so boring… all magic that existed when I was a kid has now gone… magic turned into cynicism… society sucks… people just want what’s good for themselves, don’t care about others…
I’m a 30 year-old man living in Montréal, Québec, Canada…
I feel like my life means nothing, that I am not important to anyone. Last year, I stopped talking to most of my family because I was sick of being the last one of the family and being treated like I’m the last one in the family, even though I’m fuc***g 30 years old. I tend too much to rely on […]
the night I tried to kill myself. For the first time. I suffer from severe panic attacks and depression and that night I was home alone with a full bottle of acetaminophen. I took about 30 capsules hoping it would work. I didn’t I was In a coma for about 27 hours and I woke up in the hospital. I’m Not really any better
100 phenobarbitals (100 mg) + 30 oxazepams ; that ought to do the job right?!
I don’t hate the ones in my life; I love them very much. That’s why I want to end my life, so I don’t mess up their lives any more. I know what a disappointment I am to them- really, their expectations are low, and I still can’t meet them. Not for wanting or trying, just lack of ability, I guess. Anyway, when I’m gone, something I look forward to probably 30 times a day, they can have fuller, better lives without me dragging them down. I’m not really needed, other than a paycheck, so not a lot to miss. I know this sounds like […]
My wife committed suicide. No warning. My mum committed suicide. My brother died. I have nothing. My mum was ten years ago, my brother five. My wife one month. I have a father I don’t talk to. I have nothing. I have fantasies everyday about killing myself and having the same funeral as my wife but it turns out I don’t have the balls. All I think about is killing myself. I am going to goto the doctor and get stilnox or tamazepan. How much do I need? Please help me get out of this easily. I’m 30 and just live to die
I call her M&M. Because those are her initials.
She used to be one of my bestfriends.
Her dad went all manic and went crazy on her family and got sent to a mental hospital.
Then she got crazy.
It was like, She was a complete different person. She’s 13 right now and She has probably had sex with 30+ highschoolers at my school.
None of the highschoolers like her for her. and she knows that but she still lets them do whatever.
She got super suicidal before all this happened.
Then she tried to overdose.
and then she slit her wrists.
Then she went […]
I am scared of everything and my only comfort is the comfort of idealizing suicide and yearning to cut and burn myself. I am afraid of an obligation I must fulfill tomorrow and I want to cut up my body so bad. If I cut I know it will be instant relief… BUT then I have to keep cutting. It’s a sick addiction – and I ain’t no spring chicken, I am a practiced and experienced cutter of 18years. I promised myself last month on my 31st birthday that my 30’s would be free of that kind of coping mechanism. My therapist is going to […]
So ok, something happened tonight.. you might think it’s funny, you may not. I’m unbiased about it for the time being. But i guess..put yourself in this position.
Was just chatting with Internet companions for a few hours and one of them started flirting with me. This all happened with in the course of like 30 minutes…anyways. i chat with these people all the time.. I thought this was a girl, I myself being a guy. I guess I just didn’t notice before but I thought for sure I remember this friend being a girl. I post pictures of myself that people like to see, […]
I came on this site a LONG time ago and actually met a friend through here… we were both considering suicide three years ago and we are both still alive… We’ve graduated high school, and made it to college, and our colleges are only 30 minutes apart.
But that’s not why I’m posting… I have come back to those thoughts… Well, they never left. But they’ve kept from suffocating me for a while… Until now. Suddenly, these past couple of weeks, I’ve come to the conclusion that I should self harm again and have been. I have been wanting to kill myself but am not sure […]
Haven’t posted in a while. I created a blog to post all my thoughts, though I still lurked here. My blog has been compromised. Someone at work found it, reported it to my manager, and I ended up form 1’d a few nights ago. (Canadian, can’t leave the hospital till cleared by a psychiatrist.) I messed up. I have two blogs, one for my thoughts, one to sell stuff. I made the selling blog known at work, but I stupidly used the same handle for my posts on the other blog. I assume someone googled my handle and found the other site. Sigh, what’s done […]
Please check in here if you are older like me.
My best friend , Elizabeth, of almost 30 years was here visiting for my Son’s, her Godson’s, 18th Birthday from the East Coast. Her Companion, of 15 years had been having problems with Depression months before, after finding out her had terminal cancer. He had been under the care of several doctors and therapists and was actually supposed to be in a live in treatment program while she was away but he never went. His body was found on her couch, with a gunshot wound to his heart, two days later by his elderly uncle who was sent to check on him when no one had […]
Everyone was asleep last night, so they couldn’t hear me. Easier that way. I decided I was ready to kill myself, and began to strangle myself. I started to choke silently, and blacked out soon after. I thought I was dead! That I had done it! 30 minutes later, I woke. Probably going to do it tonight again.
When I say seniors, I don’t mean school grade. I mean ‘over 65.’ I want to know if there are any others near my age on this website. I’m not presently suicidal. I have been most of my life. But now death is a given in the next 30 years or so. I’m wondering how persons from my generation who have survived feel now. Are there any on this website?
I’m presently having some physical problems. I am consulting with my general practitioner. I am not afraid of death, a friend I have sought during most of my life; but I’m also not afraid to live.
How […]
You know how sometime you wake up thinking for once it might actually be a decent day maybe even a good day. You have that unusual glimmer of hope. I got about 30 seconds of that. Most of my friends would say “its no big deal. So what your mom and her boyfriend got in a fight.” Back when i was little my parents fought all the time you’d think i’d be used to it. Especially the way my dad was. Strong with an uncontrollable temper and a jealous mind. In all honest that just makes it all worse. I wasn’t exactly “planned.” Im the […]
I woke up at 3:30 am jolted out of a sleep. All I could see was my boyfriend stabbing himself in the arms, blood splatter, tears rolling down his face. All of this because he loves me . A bad fight because I don’t trust him– a recovering drug addict who promised rehab but bailed and never went. I feel guilty, helpless. Was told to practice tough love and to cut the codependent role. The codependent in me feels responsible for what he did. The tough-love person feels manipulated. Regardless of those two opposing forces, he entirely blames me for driving him to kill […]