so today I woke up and wondered why should I …nothing for me to do I’m not making any money today I’m gonna cook and clean and get fuck so, I’m upset.. so when my great husband *sarcastically said * ask why I’m so upset I said do I have any reason to be happy… he said * now this was fucking rich * “try harder I’m not happy either i have no car no money you need to WORK HARDER so wipe that look off your face” I can’t even be upset when I want to how can I not be fake with […]
Another all niter, who needs sleep right, I can rest when I die. I hate being alone with my thoughts, they remind just how much I hate this life, how much I wanna see the world bleed. How much I despise 5 little words. “I know how you feel ” NO YOU DONT or you would know how much your fake and hollow words piss me off. What ever happened to loyalty, or morals, or honesty ??? Why is common sense not so common anymore ??? The worst part is that I […]
I woke up at 5:45 am from a bad dream and couldn’t fall back to sleep I was already exhausted from being up so early the day before and I went to sleep the night at 1:00 am . I ran a fair in Reno NV from 9:00 am till about 3:00 pm we closed up three hours earlier. the past two days I have been on a fair in the freezing temps yesterday snow today it was rain …the fair was packed with people and it was huge . I some how made 80$ today which beat my 35$ from yesterday .once I got […]
Poor l’le grl…..she was juz done with it…. Tired of everything…. She was stuck…..she was craving to find few traces of life in her…..a reason to live….sadly…. Cudn’t…
She felt…. She was a mere disappointment…. She feared things…. And this time she ws giving up….coz…no ray of hope made a way to her room….
Lost soul….. Juz a reflection of a human….!
Little angel go away and come again some other day,
The devil has my ear today I’ll never hear a word u say,
He promised I would find a little solace and some peace of mind whatever … just as long as I dont feel so,
Desperate and ravenous
So weak and powerless.
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she’s blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend.
He’s always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her, ” now that you can see the world, will you marry me ? ” The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later […]
so the other day I was thinking about leaving my husband but now I can’t ……WHY?????? BECAUSE MY MOTHERFUCKING PHONE BROKE…. so anyway for me to leave is gone no way to contact my family to get me a plain or get my own tickets no way of calling a cab or anything how why why…… wow so god works in weird ways but really break the only thing that gave me solace…really…..I hate my life really bad…. now if I do still leave I have two wait two weeks . and spend money I don’t have I literally fucked and it’s snowing it April […]
I sit here in utter amazement like I have so many times before, paralyzed stuck on the couch where I’ve been since last night on the down side of this GOD FORSAKEN rollercoaster. It seems like the older I get, there’s not as many highs as there used to be just down, deeper and deeper, when I finally do reach the bottom there’s not even a little bit of light anymore, and it takes so long to reach the top again, I suppose I will get up soon and try and find something, anything to ease the pain like […]
I posted a while ago about a test I was having done. I got the results today……..
I Have to go back in for surgery because they found some pre cancerous cells and need to be sure there is not cancer hiding behind the small sample they took.
Not much in my life can be a simple yes or no UGHHHHH
I am sitting here wondering if I cut again what will they do If they see and I told them the fact i did it on purpose…or if I try to kill myself and I fail what on earth will they do?
Before me husband threaten to to tell my dad and brother but he not talking to my family but have to live with his . I really dont give two flying fucks if he tells his parents I would love to see there recations.
they talk about it….it would look bad on there part becuse every one we know ..knows im not like that or […]
I am wrong all the time and im stupid and crazy I want to die I cant take it no more . I am ridiculed for not having money but I havr no help..I have been in this motherfucking town for almost one month . my job as I see it get to the office and make money every body eles can go fuck them slefs. I dont need to put a cup of coffe for my father in law or be apart of this family I dont want to play scategory or Monopoly…. And fucking play house I was told I was gonna make […]
Hi,
This is my first post on this website and I’m not usually the type of person who does that but I have no one left in my life to talk to so I guess I’m turning to you guys…. Anyways, the past few months have been pretty hard I went on an exchange in Italy which turned out to be the worst experience of my life because the family I stayed with was yelling at me and insulting me the whole time… So I came back home way earlier than I should have and that’s where everything started. This exchange completely destroyed me I had […]
Extremely long rant sorry ….
Oh im sorry great and all power full Sandra I dishonored you. !!!! Have I fail you I have not gave you grandchildren because “I wanted to get my financial right” her words .FUCK ME its was not i was 18 year old newly wed I wanted my own home …You know if I had a bed that did not come out of the wall. And well you know not living with you in small apt with you if I have sex no fucking will hear me the last thing I want right now is child . beacuse if you’s decided […]
I want it and I would use it in a mila sec …..I am absolutely emotionally confused ..numb sad hopless … .worthless….with constant fear of things my parents might do and how quickly I will use I that perfume if I had it .
I hate every one… my parents are playing good cop bad cop when there both psychos…inculeding my in laws my husband is still asleep sooo helpfull…(my mother just texted me do trust anyone )
Got it momma my life is […]
I have been a cluster survivor since 1984, episodic for the first 25 years and chronic for the last 6, since 2009.
Nothing can be done for the pain …… main aim is to control the attacks (4-6 a day at the moment) and the duration.
Suicidal thoughts are never far away ….. but every day and sometimes several times a day ….. I get through it to fight another battle with this terrible illness.
I surround myself with pictures of the people I love and all the reasons to stay alive ……. and for me it works, well up to now anyway.
Constant stress […]
sorry to post again put I’m too unstable I was fine the part of that wanted to left . But he went vacation because it’s back and I am not OK . The only thing I want to do is miraculously drop dead or cut myself honestly . I don’t know why I want to do that, but I have so much heaviness in my chest right now .that maybe if I cut it might let some of this black greasy feeling out. It feels like I’m in Mourning like someone die that’s how sad and hopeless I feel. I don’t know what to […]
Why can’t I be left alone why I cant be just left alone . I am once again being tortured by every one my mother my father my in laws im tired… Im telling my self not to cry … Every wants to control my life …..my husband dosent want to go home because of my parents …I just cant be left alone cant tell them I wanna go to utah becuse there gonna flip why why why . cant cry stop it . I dont know what to doo so lost ….cant even get a chance to fix my life …..Im not a big […]
So I have another decision to make …..to stay in lake tahoe..or..go back to park city utah… ether way I’m stayinf four months. I hated my life when I was in Utah but I will be away from my in laws for a few months or so and I’l be out lake tahoe were I see my life going no were.
Down sides ccomplete seclusion , crappy food. nothing to do but work and It will be just me and my husband .
Also after this four months my life will be up in the air MY husband dose not want to move back to Chicago ever […]
So yesterday my husband told me that his mother is gonna pay for a vacation…greaaaaaat*sarcasm* something eles my mother inlaw will throw in my face. Do I care no I dont I’ll get vk,you’ll think you will have something to hold over me . when the young couple who lives with us said ….I wanna gi when dose her life began .
My mother in law has there nerve to say” let me set your’s facts straight ,your life starts when you have your own house your own income and children. ”
And she not paying for thr trip wich is a lie to make me feel […]
It is nearing the end of the semester for me, and I have no motivation left. I know what you’re thinking “No one does.” But it isn’t just the usual dragging my ass to the library or late night studies from procrastination. It is the refusal to do anything….some days I won’t get out of bed, even if I’m hungry. Some days I force myself to go to the library to write papers but I get distracted and do nothing. I cannot make myself do anything anymore…I have assignment building, bills piling, dishes not done, laundry soiled, and quizzes untaken. It feels like my life […]