Sometimes it feels like all hope is lost, like there is no reason for me to continue thinking or trying or breathing and the self hatred gets even more overwhelming and I just want to scream and cry and tear myself apart (literally) I have goals I just have no motivation to achieve them anymore because I don’t see the point, I don’t see why I shouldn’t just end it now and end my pain, I have no one, and everyone just discourages and belittles me and I’m tired of pain
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In July of 2015 I attempted suicide. I tried to overdose on a full prescription of Xanax. I was prescribed quite a bit. What happened between when I took the bottle, and when I woke up over 24 hours later in the ER is a blur to me. I would hardly call myself a “suicide survivor” because all I can think about is dying. I have always been depressed, mostly due to my severe, crippling anxiety. I can hardly function and that is no stretch of the truth. My desires in life I can never achieve. I become paralyzed when I interact with anyone who […]
Well yesterday was a good day… a lot of things were starting to fix themselves or at least thats how it felt. And yet… I am feeling so incredibly lonely…it’s as if I could go crazy if I don’t have someone to talk to.
but I am feeling so alienated… as if I were talking to people that lived in a parallel dimension, somehow I never reach no one. I feel rejected all the time.
I need people around me, and that’s so hard to achieve, because everyone is busy living their own lives, and I don’t want to live mine
I wanna stop feeling lonely…
I was first diagnosed with depression over 20 years ago. Life has been up and down since then. I’ve had some fun, but I’ve often felt isolated and alone. I’ve had social anxiety that has made making friends difficult. After college I married the first the first person who showed an interest, which was a bad idea. She turned out to be abusive and had her own mental health issues. Eventually she moved out and we divorced.
After that relationship, I eventually met someone else who is kind, but unable to hold down a job. My life has been going down hill since the relationship began […]
A friend of mine said to me, “You don’t want to kill yourself boy. You have to be mad to do that.” It made me laugh, firstly because he has known me for years and still can’t accept I am not always the jovial, erudite man he meets down the pub. Secondly, I think suicide, far from being mad as a concept, is a totally logical response the the distress, disfunction and depression I experience.
Here is the argument. I have swung between depression and total mania since birth. The depression makes me agoraphobic, professionally and socially unreliable, totally disassociated and lacking all motivation. Depression destroys […]
I have been planning to kill myself for a few weeks now.. The only reason I haven’t yet is because I am trying to figure out a way to ensure my mom won’t blame herself.
I don’t know what I am hoping to achieve by posting this. I have tried to tell people, I guess kind of hoping they will talk me out of it.. But nobody seems to understand. I just get the generic ‘things will get better’, ‘this will pass, you’ll grow out of it’. Well I’ve been waiting to grow out of it for years now. When do you decide to stop waiting?
I’m just so tired.
I never had that feeling . The need to die. I always cope with things, and pretend everything is okay but it’s not. I’m having a fight with my best friend. Everything in my life is so fake. My friends are fake and i hate my body so much. I have literally no one to talk to. My dad is somewhere around the world with his girlfriend and mom is working all the time. My birthday is coming up this Friday and i feel so depressed and lonely.
Someone wrote here, “i wish i could achieve the peace of death without […]
Sometimes it’s gets too much. The little things.
all these thoughts, they are restricted to my head alone for they are too intense to share with my friends. Or anyone for that matter.
I wish I could achieve the peace of death without actually dying.
id like to just ‘go away’ and watch people’s lives go on without me. See their behavior and how fast I’m forgotten.
I know I’m usually a rambler so I’ll keep this brief. After ages of debating, of hoping, of begging, I’ve decided to give up. I don’t feel like there’s anything good about me, I feel as if I’ll never be loved or supported and I’ll never achieve anything that I want. I’ve spent the past 19 years trying to feel happy. Thanks for being kind to me in my brief time here. I intend to shoot myself tomorrow morning, when everyone in my family is gone. I’ll make sure no one, but a cop or medical personnel finds me, so won’t worry about that.
as you all know, I attempted suicide Friday night and had to be taken by ambulance and then to the psyche ward. While I still believe that the mentally ill should choose only if they go to treatment, I think that many would opt out once they got finished. I was one of them. After 6 days of treatment, I would have refused euthanasia. I loved the group and they loved me. I never in my life got so much positive feedback from people who was suffering just like me.
there is a problem. I’m still an alcoholic. I drank today. I called my dad and […]
i let everybody down.
my arrogance is to blame.
my over confidence,
as well as the disillusion of actually being able to excell at anything that would be useful.
what am i now?
nothing.
i have done nothing worthy of note
and yet i have managed to convince all who know me into thinking otherwise.
i am not intelligent
i am not good at sport
neither am i good looking or funny
i am the definition of a disappointment.
i will probably achieve nothing with my life.
I have come to terms with my lack of real importance
as well as all who i have […]
Randall and Salt had responded to my last post of Saturday afternoon which detailed the latest episode of exhaustion I had on Friday/Saturday. They asked some good questions about what may happen to the mind if a person chooses to take their life by jumping from a height. I was grateful for the honest and kind way they approached the subject and respected my spiritual beliefs. Below is my response to them. I am hoping others (or the two of them) will continue to respond, because their words, questions and observations, really did make me think. And with the large number of posts on the […]
I am so done with this world. I don’t want to commit suicide. I just want to die. Every single day I imagine myself getting run over by a truck or suddenly acquiring a terminal disease. I think of those people with cancer or aids and think that they don’t deserve that. There are lots of people who want to die, why not give them the cancer or something. I think I’m depressed and I tried telling my mom once. She told me “You’re not depressed.” Then she gave me a chocolate milkbox. I told my sister that I may be depressed and she’s the […]
Hi, i am new to this site, please excuse my poor grammar and occasional incorrect spelling i do not really want to check all my mistakes and attempt to fix them and sorry for the long post, i could not shorten it out, this is the only place where i can truly speak whats on my mind.
What exactly am i dealing with? I’t cant be depression my problems are too meaningless to be that:
I constantly feel sad, like i am not doing anything useful with my pathetic, meaningless, insignificant life, like i have no meaning, sorry, its not like i have no meaning, i know […]
My life is a constant struggle for mediocrity. I feel like Sisyphus in a way. I constantly struggle to achieve anything in my life… but it never amounts to anything.
No matter how hard I try and scrabble out from under the rubble, it’s like my fingers get smacked down by a shovel, or run over by a mower… I can never dig my way out, never get free.
But at the same time, I can’t just do nothing either… if I just don’t try, I get burred down, covered more and more. Suffocating me until I have no choice but to suffocate or to lash out […]
A Catharsis is an emotional discharge through which one can achieve a state of moral or spiritual renewal or achieve a state of liberation from anxiety and stress. Catharsis is a Greek word and it means cleansing.
In literature it is used for the cleansing of emotions of the characters. It can also be any other radical change that leads to emotional rejuvenation of a person.
Originally, the term was used as a metaphor in Poetics by Aristotle to explain the impact of tragedy on the audiences. He believed that catharsis was the ultimate end of a tragic artistic work and it […]
From the looks, I appear to be a runner forever running away from my problems. Nobody understood why I run and where I am running from.
I am actually running away from my goals, dreams and interests. It is a pain having them. Being autistic, these dreams, no matter how unrealistic they are, attack you everyday, Everyday you are reminded of the fact that it is not your interest, goals, dreams that matters. What matters is whether I am good enough to achieve those dreams.
I have fought many years. The Christians say that God has a better plan for […]
I was hospitalized twice last year for suicidal actions and gave up on the notion of taking my own life. Since then I graduated college and moved to a big city. The problem is that my degree has only been an expensive piece of paper hanging on my wall and I feel lost. My depression keeps me tired, so i drink to fall asleep. My anxiety keeps me on edge about finding a perfect job to build a life I don’t think i’d like so at the end of the day I can curl up with a woman that doesn’t exist.
Each day is a […]
I am used to winning. I am used to getting what I want through hard work and determination.
However, my life is a failure.
I’m pretty sure that I will never work my dream job. My grades from 4 years ago are so shitty that I will never be able to get over them.
Every friend I have every made has moved on with thier life.
i still live with my parents.
There is no happiness in my life. All i want to do is be able to work hard so that I can achieve my dreams. But it seems like that is impossible now.
Should I end it. Or should […]
Cost–benefit analysis (CBA) is a systematic approach to estimating the strengths and weaknesses of alternatives that satisfy transactions, activities or functional requirements for a business. It is a technique that is used to determine options that provide the best approach for the adoption and practice in terms of benefits in labour, time and cost savings etc. The CBA is also defined as a systematic process for calculating and comparing benefits and costs of a project, decision or government policy (hereafter, “project”).
Broadly, CBA has two purposes:
To determine if it is a sound investment/decision (justification/feasibility),
To provide a basis for comparing projects. It involves comparing […]
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