This is embarrassing for me. I feel weak and pathetic and I have never shared these feelings with anyone (except for my boyfriend a long time ago who says I need to stop being so dramatic) I don’t have any real friends and have a difficult time getting close to people. My ex of seven years left me right after I had our twins. I haven’t seen him since they were born. I am a failure as a mother, too impatient and stressed. I get no break from parenting besides work, which fails miserably at supporting me and the kids. I am disgusted by my […]
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alone
For the past couple of months I’ve been contemplating what my next move should be. “Should I try to fix my life, or should I say fuck it and end it?” I’m still not sure what the best choice is, they both have their pros and cons. I think I’ll attempt to fix it in the next coming months. I’ll try to get a GED and I’ll put all of my effort into it. If I manage to fail then I’m done. That’s it. I’m not giving myself more than one chance to fix everything. I’ve already wasted too much time being nothing. Even if […]
I really want to kill myself. It seems like the only way I can somehow…escape the depression and anger and loathsome feelings and be happy. I was planning on overdosing but I hear that it’s very painful. Also that if I was not successful, getting your stomach pumped would too be painful. It seems like no one really ACTUALLY cares. Even people (1) I thought was my friend sorta is though he obviously doesn’t care. At least not about me he doesn’t. Death is inevitable so does it really matter when it is going to happen? I wish people wouldn’t make it or blow it […]
there are times when i feel completely numb and there are times when i feel as if nothing can bring me down. i am caught in a place where i cannot figure out how i truly feel. i am so sick of feeling like i have to block out my emotions because others around me cant understand it. i constantly feel alone, lost and out of control. i just need to know the reasons why i feel the way i do…
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I feel so lonely right now because I am spending Christmas so alone . I wish I had friends to give presents to or go to Christmas parties with . This time
Of the year makes me so sad . It’s hard to get out in the world and make friends .
But anyways happy holidays to you all. I’m gonna go drink some wine .
In the vastness of space, lies a lonely planet just waiting to be explored. A dark blue world where the depths of the sea are limitless and there is no dry land in sight. Swimming eternally alone, breaching the surface to gaze upon the pitch black sky littered with glistening stars in the night. Plunging back into this sea of light only to find indigenous creatures comforting me; I am not so different and not so alone. While I sink further and further into the void below, I am finally free and at peace with myself.
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It’s a sad day to learn how much your father dislikes you. Resents your very existence. My idea of our relationship was so off its shocking. I thought we were close and that he was proud of me. Unfortunately, that is not the case. He looks at me with disgust and expresses it every chance he gets. I think the world of him. He is the best man I know and to have someone that I admire so much think so little of me takes my breathe away. It’s hard to inhale. Literally hard and […]
My friend that was visiting left yesterday. Now I’m alone and I don’t know how to adjust. I feel like my ex-fiance is supposed to be here, with me- I miss our life. It feels unreal. It feels empty. I used to have someone I could share everything with. Now I’m just alone; there’s nobody to care about me like she did/does, to be there to comfort me every time I cry, to share even the mundane parts of life.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt such painful sadness despite being depressed for a decade and other painful events. Of course, maybe that’s just proximity bias. […]
So I woke up in one of my moods again. I feel alone when I wake up, but I said I was going to make a difference so I’m not going to let my bad mood get the best of me. I think I’m getting alittle better besides from the mood swings, do any of y’all know if mood swings are from depression? I don’t really understand why I wake up in bad moods I go to sleep in a good one and then I’m just like fuck everything. But anyways can someone help me out and tell me what I can do about these […]
Why?
Why the fuck is it so hard for me to tell them I’m suffering?
One moment Im crying alone in my room, then the next, I’m smiling like my usual fake self when someone comes in. I have become so good at faking that I can’t show what I really feel. I want to take off this mask. It’s really heavy now, but it’s stuck. It won’t come off.
Why can’t I take it off?
Please… I’m suffering…
I know they are not mind readers. I need to speak up. But how can one talk to a person about what is going on when […]
No one knows how much I’m suffering . And the ones who do tell me I’m too much. So what do I do?
I’ve been going about every day all by my self . And I am alone . All my thoughts get to me . Some days I stand outside and notice how beautiful it is and feel the warm sun and close my eyes and i somehow feel content in that moment , being by my self .
Whenever I’m going to hangout with someone , they end up making excuses to why they can’t hangout. I wish people would straight up tell me they […]
I’ve been thinking about suicide since I was 13 years old. That was a long time ago.
This morning I woke up alone in my house, with this urge to end it all even stronger than before, but I know I’m not gonna do it, because I’m a coward, because I’m afraid, because I don’t want more suffering. I know that if I try something I’m gonna fail and gonna be in a worst physical state. I have this horrible pain in my arms, I don’t know what it is, but the stress and the depression make it worse.
I checked Facebook and I found all this […]
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As the days go by, I only feel myself desiring to kill myself more and more. I loathe more, I argue more, I withdraw more. When things go wrong, its the only thought I have. When things go right, I remind myself that it wont last. I hate feeling like no matter what improvements I make, I’m still put down, I’m still living off others, I’m still worthless. When I try, I just find myself exhausted. All that ever brings me relief is to sleep and I think that’s only because its the closest thing I can do to death without actually killing myself. I […]
I honestly don’t know. I feel like I’m losing my friends all over. I try to help a few friends struggling with school and stuff but I still feel worthless. It’s worse when they make fun of me for trying to help. “This isn’t you” blah blah
I even told them it’s because you don’t really know me and they just give me this look like I’m crazy. I absolutely hate it when they compare me to someone bad. My mom isn’t the greatest mom and she’s never home. The other day a so called friend said I’ll end up just like her […]
Pain.
That’s the closest thing I have right now that will help me feel human. I have my family around and yet I feel so alone. They are not people I can talk to about these feelings. They just never understand. They think I’m only looking for attention. That’s why I keep these things from them all the time.
I feel so disconnected, I need something to bring me back to reality.
So yeah, pain. Just one cut. Just a glimpse of blood. That will make me feel alive again.
While meeting my husband, I need a mask that tells him that he is a real nice, caring spouse and he does knows everything about me. While meeting my parents, I need a mask that tells them that they were right in their every parenting decision, including arranging my marriage. While talking to the siblings, yet another mask that makes them feel secure and protected by their big sis. Yet another mask for co-workers and acquaintances (well I don’t have friends, Let me rephrase it, I never HAD any friends) to make them like me. Sometimes, I feel I need a mask just to look in the […]
(not about/directed at anyone here) what is it with people and getting told i’m feeling sorry for myself? we’re taught that self-pity is bad, but is it really? why must i always have to ‘suck it up’? why can’t i have a moment of weakness to feel bad for myself, and then suck it up? what’s wrong with letting oneself be human? everyone has thrown a pity party for themselves some time in their lives. we all have asked ourselves “why me?” – don’t act like you haven’t. so, why is it okay for everyone else to complain, but when i do it i’m just […]