Something about this so called life that I am living seems artificial. As if I am the punch line to a very cruel joke. I’m overwhelmed more often than not about what it means to take my own life. In my mind it’s simple. Numerous ways to end my suffering or finish the joke before I’m thrown down a whirlwind of continuos pain yet again. I’m suicidal almost daily. When I think I can handle taking my life I know I can’t and I break down at the thought of leaving behind loved ones. I would tell a therapist but that would get me committed […]
Tag:
alone
When you feel alone.
Those are the moments when your demons take over your mind.
In those moments suicidal thoughts start circling around your head.
Trying to trick you into playing the game.
A game that once you start playing you won’t be able to quit.
And the only way you’ll get out is being dead.
Because in the end that’s what the demons want from you.
To die and never come back.
Because if we come back they will haunt us again and again nonstop.
Because they want to get rid of us.
After all, that’s what demons do for a living.
I fucking hate everyone in this life. Everyone is selfish and hypocrite. They are saying that they care about you/him/it but in reality they just don’t give a shit. Everyone is doing what the ”majority” (the others) is doing. If everyone has an account on a social networking site (twitter etc) you also need to have one otherwise you are consider weird and strange. If you are not the man with the nice looking appearance and the fancy hairstyle you are also consider outcast (mostly in women). If you are not interested in things like sports & music just like the others do, again you […]
I’ve always pondered whether loneliness was a disease or if it were a momentary reflection of how another sees me. If I feel so alone in my own company, how could another possibly enjoy me?
I’ve been so miserable at times I pondered ending it, but then I always have a flash of the world, and I realize what I’d be throwing away if I gave up.
I’m a wanderer who’s passionately in love with life, and I would dread to envision the world as it is now when I could’ve changed it just by changing myself, but instead left it to the rest of people […]
God is boring . boring God . why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ? why God is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
God is boring . boring God .
why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ?
why God is boring ?
I hate this world . I hate this life . I hate life .
This world is so boring , boring world !
This life is so boring , boring life ! life is boring .
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, […]
this is my first post. I just need to get some stuff off my chest everyday I think about it little bit everyday know I shouldn’t do this I know I shouldn’t thank it the idea keeps coming in my head. and I try to take it out of my head in every time it just keeps wanting to come back. I tend to push everything a person that I love away from me they wanted me to leave I find myself alone and I can’t stand it. feel like I hurt myself every time I see you.
Why can’t I be happy like everyone else…I know there are some like me but some people are just happy no matter what happens to them…I saw people with no arms legs eyes and anything else but they’re are so happy…why can’t be like them…it seems to be just too hard too hard to do so….I feel so alone and useless and hopeless please help :/
Someone right now is leaving their apartment
Looking down at the street, wondering where there car went
Someone in the car sitting at a signal
In front of a restaraunt, staring through the window
at someone right now with their finger in their teeth
Who could use a little floss right across the street
there’s somebody on the curb who really needs a jacket
spent half the rent at a bar getting plastered
Now he gotta walk fourteen blocks
to work at a shop where he’s about to get fired.
Someone right now is looking pretty tired
Staring at a laptop trying to get inspired
Somebody living right across the street
She wrote the best things she’s written […]
“A cut cannot heal,
Unless you leave it alone
I open my mine’s daily
Leaving bones exposed”
I am the outcast. I always feel like no one will notice if I am gone. When I go to high school I feel so trapped then I go home and I feel extremely alone. I never feel like I belong anywhere. There are moments where I came so close to committing suicide just I get scared. I get scared because what if I do it and it isn’t any better on the other side what if I am even more alone. My family life just is terrible and my school life is so much worse. I have to pretend to be someone I am […]
I found out the other day that my friend died. I could not go there, i could not accept that she was gone forever. we are not really friends. I tried to be her friend, i tried to reach out for her but she would not let me in. I hate her. I hate myself, i should have tried harder, should have set aside myself and put her first so… She could still be here. I wanted to kill myself, i should have died with her so she wont be alone. I love her. I want her.
Why is it that for the scariest and most dangerous undertaking of my life, there is no one I can turn to for help? Why do those who supposedly love me want me to continue suffering instead of helping me end my pain? Would they really prefer that I suffer a messy, painful death alone, rather than ensuring that I go out feeling loved and at peace?
I have only to imagine the reverse situation to have the answers to my questions. I know I could not stand by while my loved ones died by their own hand. And yet, this so called love is condemning […]
when he died, I knew there was only one way to see him again….. Death. Every day I see darkness. The rain just pours itself over me. I grab razor after razor until I learn how to feel again. People tell me it will get better. That they’ll be here for me. They say love lasts forever, but even forever expires. And what about the bullies who told me to suck it up? He’s gone and I can’t fix it. He died alone on gravel. And before he died he flew. He flew in impact. It was like a gunshot in the street. And then […]
Hello to everyone out there reading this post. I posted what I thought would be my last post nearly 3 weeks ago now. I posted and then went on my last walk to the forsest preserve where I was to die. Had all the supplies in my bag, I was ready for it all to be over. I had finally felt this level of peace that I hadnt felt in over a decade. I was happy that it was finally almost over…..
Well obviously it didnt go according to plan as the branch must have snapped and I woke up on the forest floor. I immediately […]
Minutes feel like hours days feel like years.Can’t get these fleeting thoughts of misery out of my head.I’m nearing the end I can feel it.I climb the 8 floors of an open parking garage multiple times a week trying to gather the courage to toss myself over the edge and end all the torment that I feel inside .I can’t get any peace no matter what I do I end up feeling so alone so sad so empty .I failed there’s nothing else to do nothing else to say.
I was offered a new job today that was by all means a great opportunity. I felt so hollow accepting cause it meant I’d be alone there, when I’m alone every other way.
My on/off partner is interstate, I moved away from him after he kicked me out. It’s been 2 years he has promised me he would move here with me, but always seems 6 months more away. I left my family and friends due to this and yet when I visit them I don’t feel anything.
The bulk of my day when I don’t work I fantasise about my own death. I even walk alone […]
I cannot put my pain into words. I can’t cry. I deal with it alone all day and late into the night. There used to be catharsis putting it into words. Not anymore. The only relief left is to die. I don’t want to die, especially not alone and painfully. But it is a choice between that, and enduring pain that I no longer have the strength to face. I have no hope, no dignity, no fight left.
Words, words, words. The counterfeit of action. More contemptible than the suicidal gesture done to illicit sympathy. I am doing the exact same thing, yet without having to […]
no wander i have insomnia whenever i do get any sleep i wake up disappointed that im awake and still in this shithole of an existence i wish ending it was easier i accidentally od’d 5 month back hasnt been a day since that i havnt wished i was alone when it happened i was actually dead and happened to be around people with the means to bring me back dont remember any pain or anything i drifted off and came to in a tub of cold water at least i stopped using shortly after but how i wish i could drift away again never […]
This world is boring , boring world . why movies, games, anime/manga, fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
I hate this world .
This world is so boring , boring world !
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, […]
Wondering starting to date again… I like one girl more then the others she is cute and sweet. She is originally from the country that I moved too 6 years ago. But also lived in the east and southern of Europe.
She is 8 years older then me. I don’t mind. I actually quite like it as I would like children and I think she would want them too. I wonder though if it is a wise step.. in the longer run for my happiness if that path were to happen….
we click really well so I do not really for see problems in that […]