Do you have abnormally bad luck? Do bad things always seem to happen to you? Do you feel cursed?
I do. I feel as if the universe is trying to screw me over, bc no matter what I do, no matter what I don’t do, no matter what choices I make, bad shit happens to me, and I can’t fucking escape it. I thought I could. But after so many decades, I’ve lost hope that “things will get better.”
Because when she died, she grew wings, because when she died she set her soul free.
Because of her death the world will finally know the truth….
Butterflybae’s book is being published, “MASQUERADE” we are helping her to finish what she started. Her blog was a very small portion of what she had written in regards to her book. She kept a video diary as well, that will be put up on Youtube for all to see in the next few days. Also a complete collection of all her songs and poetry will also be published.
I’ve been living with my Fiancee for over two years now. Well, I guess I should say ex-Fiancee, even though it kills me to. We had a lot of problems, I won’t lie. In a way, our entire relationship has been building up to its own end.
In the beginning and for at least a year she had a serious jealousy issue. She cut me off from my friends and family and constantly accused me of not really wanting to be with her. She left me countless times just to turn around and take it back. I always let her.
When she eventually started getting better, for […]
It’s true that for some people having a dream is wonderful. Pursuing that dream is the “vital support” that gives them the will to continue on, that gives them the strength to keep getting better and better, and with each day that goes on, they get closer to fulfilling it.
But what if you’re just not meant to fulfill that dream?… What if for whatever reason you simply don’t have the motivation to go on? What if something out of nowhere just holds you from fulfilling it?
Call it whatever you want to call it. Luck. Fate. I don’t believe in any of those things, […]
rain falling around me
can’t tell if weather is warm
or why I am cold?
fame falls all around me
can’t tell if I should just hide or run
some people hold onto their misery,
a token of their lives
painted faces, warlike, they march on
feel the end near, blinding and screaming
for blood they’d do anything
got two tickets to Peridon, just can’t sleep
I’ve got no reason to worry ’cause it’s just a dream
on my way to the classroom
lit the fire
it’s a burning desire
murder
water is needed
hate seems always following
can’t tell if I can run, can’t find my way […]
Is it so bad that i want to ended all. I mean who will even miss me? Not my family i know that for sure. but then why is it that every time i try it it feels like if i was doing something bad? I wish i had the courage of doing it. If i ever have the courage i hope the pain goes away immediately. I talked to my mom the other day and like always she just said it was my fault. I don’t know why i even picked up. Its always the same story with her. I shouldn’t allow hope, its […]
I want to be able to give you the stars to pick them from the dark empty misty sky as they shine for you but I fear you’ll only use them as stepping stones to get further away from me. the moon longs to be appreciated shining into your life but you only use it to light your way. the wind moves and whispers your name on a frosty deadly night yet you ignore it as you strive for your goal. though I could give you the world, my world. you only use it to get higher and higher. always wanting more. never taking in […]
Everyday I wake up trying to predict my day as being good/average, yet it always turns out to be bad through complete isolation, random stressers appearing out of nowhere, and deception from practically everyone I meet in society. Why are there so many Hippocratic values being expressed by such inconspicuous people, for when I attempt to befriend somebody natural instinct and hormones take over their mind and they become hostile towards me when all I want to do is make a friend. All of my old friends have betrayed or disappeared on me when I need them the most, which is during this unpredictable time. […]
Suicide runs in the family. Dad killed himself almost 8 years ago, then my cousin who most identified with did the same a year later.
I know have had some form of bi-polar with major depressive episodes throughout life, and for sure major anxiety, but somehow have always been able to pull through when times got bad.
I have faced the darkness and abyss of just wanting to die and slowly pulled myself out of it, maybe it was easier back then, being younger, in college, more involved in people’s lives, my mother still cognizant and father still alive.
Mom has alzheimers now, I uprooted […]
I saw my friend again for the first time in forever (like 2 months!) which is the longest it’s gone without seeing him. And he says the same old thing, that it’s not all about looks to him but it clearly is, because no one is up to the very high standards he sets for girls. If she couldn’t be a supermodel or a hot stripper or porn star, or is too many additional 1lb increments over the 100 lb limit, then there’s not a chance in hell they could get with him. And that’s how he is whether he will admit it or not.
So anyway, he […]
I am tired of saying what i hate
But even the tears don’t seem to release the bottled up emotions….lately i told myself its better not to feel anything then to feel everything.
I honestly hate my life and i always have..
But i love someone with all i have.
He tells me he loves me and im the best thing that ever happened to him…but idk
I hate myself so how can he love me?
I never had anyone love me before…not like him..
Someone who doesnt want sex..or money..or something…
And im so confused.
I wanna die..but i wanna live for him
Proof that I’m the ugliest person alive comes from the other side too. I have nothing against this guy at all, so it’s not that. Another transguy I know got featured in a popular news source for being a hot transguy and he’s about as big as I am. How is it that other big people can be good looking but I’m always told how ugly I am?? What is really so wrong with me????
I can’t deal with it if I think of it any more than that. I’m sick of being the ugliest person on earth. I’ve taken .5 and .4 of my testosterone […]
I know I don’t mean anything to any of you, but I just need someone to know how scared of myself I am.
I continuously have dreams in which I end up dying, more often than not, by my own hand. I’ve jumped off buildings, jumped in front of moving cars, slit my wrists, overdosed, etc. I day dream and lose myself in suicidal role plays threatening my sanity. I wish I could turn off my thoughts for a day. I wish I could stop getting lost playing scenarios like pornography to an addict. Am I addicted to the thought of my death? Do I desire […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
At this new job at my brother’s company, anxiety is always flaring up and up. Meeting clients is so much of a struggle because I try to leave my social anxiety and depression at home. My brother keeps on telling about the Lord and how he’ll save me et cetera
I just feel like I don’t belong and wasn’t meant to be in the first place. I can’t function like a normal human being. The boredom and repetitive mundanities of everyday life just render me powerless. Lack of confidence in self, in the world. I am generally fucked to the 100th degree.
I made friends with this amazing guy 2 years ago, I can’t even understand how or why?! I am such a crappy person sometimes and he accepts me. When I say he accepts me I mean in every single way you can think of. He has seen me with no make up hair a mess, clothes a mess. He has put up with me even when I lash out at him because I’m angry. He’s seen all sides of me and still stays in my life, I’ve called him crying and he listens to me and gives me advice. Granted we had a set back […]
I am the anomaly, I am the problem. This will never end because I will always remain there. If I had that much will, that much thirst to end this suffering, it would have been long gone by now. I just keep moaning, beating the hollow drum to make noise. I don’t really want to end it. If I did, I would’ve by now. Nature keeps taking its natural course. Whatever is still natural in my body and mind also keeps taking its natural course. It is me who is out of the way. I am the anomaly, I am the distort in natural course […]
Drawing fills me with anxiety and it’s something that’s really hard for me. It’s hard to explain. I once tried to become an illustrator, but thought it was going to be complicated if I had to be self-employed, economically unestable and had to deal with my depression at the same time. I don’t have the discipline needed. I felt I wasn’t good enough. It turned me nuts, couldn’t handle it and I had to quit.
But I’ve been drawing a little again this month. And it worked for me today after feeling really down. I am better after being distracted drawing. Did it for hours. It […]
death has always been there just as frequent as the air i breathe to stay alive. i didnt know lucifer wanted to take me under his wing & hold me close. i met several if his demon friends, all wrapped up in allure. he told me to not underestimate any feeling. from anyone.
Getting lost in fantasy is how I get through most of my day. I always imagine myself being a vigilante bringing criminals to justice, a mutant who can walk through walls and a drop dead gorgeous guy who dates lots of hot people ( I am Bi-sexual). Fantasy gets me through my miserable daily existence but the inability to actually live out my fantasies worsens my depression.
In Real life I am an absolute W.O.S. My anxiety is always flaring and it impedes my participation in life as a functional adult. I also lack the knack to be competitive in life. I live vicariously through pessimistic and fatalistic […]
Please log in to report posts
