Oh come on, you can tell me, I’m this random person on the internet who you’ll never meet right? Wrong. For all we know we’re bumping into each other regularly but we don’t know, why? Because this thing inside us all doesn’t have a face besides ours. We give it life, a body, and a soul to torture. I know I do. I’ve met people out there who I’d love to have a deep conversation with but the thing is that isn’t an option for a great majority of us. Most of us go floating through our lives until we bump into another, like abandoned […]
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always
So lets see if I can explain this i have attempted suicide so many times its become like an addiction. But ive always been saved cause ive always gotten afraid and get help after ive done something. I don’t want to live but im afraid to die.i can go half way through with suicide and take the pills i can stand on the bridge but i cant jump and i cant not call for help cause im afraid.
But lately the urge is there again and i have to do it failed attempt or not cause it’s like cutting if you don’t do it the […]
A not so famous quote from my best friend from high school that always makes me laugh – “Yeah I like grit music.”
If only Wndozh8r was here, he’d get it and I wouldn’t have to explain. LOL
Its like a guilty pleasure. I listen to 80s sometimes to de-stress and I end up on play lists of grit music. Or what you would know as hair metal.
A grit is a term we use back home in West Virginia for people who dress like fans of hair metal. Those are grits. Pikers. LMAO. Hahaha god I miss the days when things were simple….
I am broken
I fear I’ve always been this way
what was it that broke me?
i doubt anyone could say
the doctors are confused
I lived a good life
supporting parents
no abuse
yet I’m broken
i often pretend I’m not
pretend I’m whole
pretend I’m happy
but I can never pretend for long
I don’t know why I came here and decided to do this after all this time. Maybe I have just reached that point of desperation where I am looking for anything to make myself feel better.
It’s probably gonna be a long one, so don’t feel the need to read, this is just me venting.
I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I just cannot remember any point in my life where I was genuinely happy. I remember at about 8 years of age I used to come home from school and spend the rest of the evening alone, crying. I never […]
Your eyes, green
Freckled face, in a smile
Walking away, always
Sunny day, I think today
Gone again, again you’re gone
But sometimes we meet
Oh the joy, though quickly faded
Lie in the seat, poetry, jaded
Some days, some days.
The spinning it feels the same.
Let gravity settle you where you lay.
Our minds can’t grasp all that empty space,
but our hearts still feel it when its there, just the same.
Some days, some days.
Just out of reach. Whats ahead has always been to far for me.
I’ve been here far to long but I’m not sure whats changed.
I still think that I should have more things to say.
Good bye, stay safe.
I need to leave. Emptiness has always been a theme for me.
My legs will bear what my heart can’t take,
but like the tides my […]
There’s a pile of row boats on the beach and I’m wondering how well I could get away with rowing myself out really far on the lake in the middle of night, taking my pills and throwing myself over with a cinder block… LOL I am drinking too which is rare and I get stupid after a drink or two. But that would be more fitting for a viking like me! To die in the water where I belong!
I’ve considered outlandish things like if I could get away with going to Vegas to end it, until I really got an awesome idea that would be […]
i want someone to physically wrap their arms round me and hold me. Dont say everything will be okay i need someone to tell me we cant always be strong. I dont have anyone to love or be loved by. My parents dont take my depression and anxiety seriously they think i want attention. i dont want attention i want to be loved but i dont act out to be loved. My attempt was a attepmt but also a test. If i killed myself or atleast attempted i wantd to see who will go out of there way to make sure im okay and make […]
I really like this song
I have always been here
I have always looked out from behind the eyes
It feels like more than a lifetime
Feels like more than a lifetime
Sometimes I get tired of the waiting
Sometimes I get tired of being in here
Is this the way it has always been?
Could it ever have been different?
Do you ever get tired of the waiting?
Do you ever get tired of being in there?
Don’t worry, nobody lives forever,
Nobody lives forever
I just got to writing a good steam of conciousness for a change, about how no one listens to me. Long story short, everyone else is always telling their stories about their life and no one is willing to listen to mine. Even the people closest to me who see me the most don’t listen, so how can I ever matter in this world? I don’t, and I can’t. Anyway, I guess this will be the book to look for when I’m gone. I bought it at least a few months ago but haven’t kept up with writing in it. It was my intention to […]
I always wished to be invisible when in class but for some Reason I going what I wanted but not the way I wanted I was always noticed by my pears and unnoticed my my family or maybe just ignored I don’t know I have depression also I’m dyslexic and have dyslexic it’s “OK” to have dyslexica and have dyslexic but depression NOOOOO! That can’t be how can the people how love you not notice that I have something wrong with me I admit I’m good at hiding things or trying to ” thanks to school” but we see each other everyday just HOW ?. […]
words will be forgotten, but memories will always come back.
I’m not really sure what I want to say here…I feel like I’m doing better now, I’m out of counseling, back in school, still facing challenges. I’m still trying to be the person I want to be, but I find it difficult since I’m stubborn and always focus on the past, and I still get anxiety around people I don’t know, and I still have vengeance for those who hurt me or are hurting, and I don’t want to be like that… Anyone know good tips or advice to help me be a better compassionate person?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46teotoyLiw
What’s your excuse for all of this?
It’s 12 o’clock and it’s times like these I know for sure won’t be missed
but for now, it’ll always be raining in my mind
I can’t take back what I said, words that go your way seem to disconnect
It’s burning me inside and out, but yet my heart’s so cold.
It’s another night I have to face being all alone.
I never thought it was possible, but I’m seeing shades of grey.
This weight you left me, just gave you away.
I won’t face today, all my thoughts keep bringing me down
Not a single […]
I absorb negative emotions so quickly and frequently. I don’t even have any reason to be upset at life. I’m just physically drained all the time.
I remember back in high school and earlier, I was always bright and full of life etc, but HS just ruined me. That’s not to say I had a rough time through it, I’m an average dude, had friends and did okay on subjects. But I was always invested in the idea of having a partner. Having someone to love and care for. And that want has slowly been stripped back piece by piece and I just don’t even try […]
My heart is an autoclavethey say alcaholics, are always alcoholics, even if they’ve been as dry as my lips, for years we have incongruent morals, we suffer at the hand of hope, we try so hard, and now trying has become synonymous with failing I feel like I mite never know the other side of madness ever again…I feel like I;m ed Norton from fight club n I just keep missing myself I am my own eternal hair shirt I am raidohead’s exit music and we don’t wanna die, but we don’t wanna keep fighting, we are tired, we embrace our unconditional humanity and we reach, we […]
I will get this out of the way now. I have been depressed for about four years now. I have always hated everything about myself, then everything started adding on top of it until my first suicide attempt. I was saved by my boyfriend’s older brother, who called the police when I told him what I had done.
Since then, I have started anti-depressants and started therapy. I still have days that I hate myself and who I am. But I am getting better. It doesn’t help that I am fat, obese, chubby, whatever you want to call it. After a debilitating injury, I gain a […]
Hey everyone, sorry for the ramble –
Has anyone here overcome (at least in part) anxiety or depression through mindfulness and meditation?
I’ve tried to practice them in the past but for the past few years I’ve been in a constant state of anxiety/panic, and it’s so difficult that I’ve never really kept it up. Since I’ve had ME I’ve been more eager to try – it’s a lot harder now to distract myself from depression and anxiety. I’ve also come across some methods people have used to cure their physical symptoms using their minds, so it seems more important than ever that I gain some control […]
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