Sigh.where do I begin…I need help from someone to tell me what is so wrong with me?? Every time the clock hits 6 pm I start to feel very depressed and I don’t know why…no matter how hard I try it will always be there sharp at 6 pm…right I feel very useless 🙁
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always
I can feel it. The pull to take a beer or any other drink I have every night, when the thoughts come creeping up. The sweet, blissful promise of release from the voices in my head and the cool, refreshing feeling as the liquid touches the back of my throat, giving me a sensation similar to falling into the arms of someone who cares. They won’t shut up, so I drown them. Just for tonight, because a permanent way to shut them up doesn’t seem to exist. A constant battle, day after day, always ending in my twisted, ironic victory. Like fighting a bomb – […]
think again really. I think we’re all here for a reason. WHY? are we put here? on this earth. I’ve always questioned myself that. there are 3 main things to happiness in this life:
1- HEALTH
2- FAMILY(OR FRIENDS- OR EVEN JUST ONE FRIEND), so therefore:
3- LOVE
If you have those things, rethink things over. the good things in life happen whenever they need to happen. it sounds even annoying to say, but its the truth.
this is my story I hope it helps someone feel better : Social Anxiety Disorder, Homosexuality,Suicide
suicide thoughts come and go everyday for me. but… still here. […]
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
Hey. I’m currently stuck in my mid teens somewhere in the green hills of sunny old England. And I want to die.
For years now, I have been diagnosed with depression. I feel it probably has been constant in my life, after suffering abuse at the hands of my brother, then having to care for my mother while my father worked long shifts (he is always quite submissive, meaning he had to work far into the nights, often until 11pm). First of all, I tried to go on alone, with fairly minimal support. Then I made two attempts on […]
It’s interesting how when you have severe depression, regret is your constant companion. I remember when my depression was just mild. Regret was there, but it was fleeting. There were moments when it was actually gone.
These days, hopefully my final days, regret is there with me every step of the way. If only I had done this. If only I had said that. If only things would have happened this way or that way.
One of my recurring regrets is that she never got to see me at my best. Oh how I wish that she could see me now. Touch me. Hold me. […]
Today in therapy I learned a few things about myself. As a child, I was never taught kindness, or how to love. I raised myself and my little brother. My mom was always sleeping, or couldn’t care less. The little she did for us, some cooking and laundry, she’d complain about, scream about it. She is a ticking time bomb we’d have to tiptoe around, avoiding the next explosion. As unpredictable as she is, it somehow was always my fault, she was never in the wrong. What could a 4 year old have done to have my mom scream at me every day before school? […]
I’m stuck and I can’t seem to pull myself together. Each day I wake up it’s a gamble. I never feel happy, it’s either thoughts of suicide and tears or just being idle.
I miss the place when I was the life of the party. I used to feel great. I had friends and did many activities.
I have always had a void inside myself and filled it with things. From a boyfriend, shopping, working and even drugs. The past year that void feels like a gun shot in my soul and all the things that filled it don’t work anymore.
I feel empty and broken. I was […]
It’s hard to wake up every day and pretend that everything is okay when it clearly isn’t. It’s hard to say you’re fine when you aren’t. It’s hard to always be the strong one. The one that everyone comes to.
A lot of people rely on me and all I can do is try my best to help them.
Of course, I wanna be that person that will always be there for you because I know what it’s like to have no one to turn to. To feel alone in this shitty ass world.
Honestly, I tell everyone that suicide is not the answer but when it comes […]
My best friend died. We were hardcore drinking buddies. She was 26. I told her about my withdrawl nightmare (but it actually happened). She died with an old man, that she didn’t care about, but he bought her vodka. I guess I was the last one to talk to her. It took them four months yo let us know she died from withdrawls. I f!$@ing died from withdrawls. He found her cold, hands frozen in place, thats what he told me.
I wanted her to come here, maybe I could help her. Both parents dead at 17. She was a tough girl. He wouldn’t ler […]
I’ve always dealt with suicidal thoughts but over the last month or so they have become omnipresent and overwhelming. I’ve come very close to jumping off a bridge or hanging myself a couple of times in the last couple of weeks, emboldened by alcohol, but I get so fucking chicken shit I haven’t been able to bring it off. I feel like I need to do this but I’m just so afraid of suffering EVEN MORE. I’m afraid of the same thing that is appealing about it all to me…the FINALITY of it. I’m so exhausted by living like this. I wish I could work […]
Simply put I’m not a well man (mentally)
I’m a psychopath point blank.
I’m no killer or anything but I can’t honestly say I won’t be in the future.
I wish I had an ability to empathize with people on an emotional level but I simply cannot.
I wish I were not a coward who shrinks at life but I am.
I wish I did not have a sexuality that bounces around more than a basketball at an NBA game but I do.
I wish that I could generate my own ego functions like an emotionally healthy individual would but I cannot.
I wish my mind was not warped but it is.
They […]
…its hard… It’s harder…and occasionally it’s on super extraordinary hard mode…
I’m an old member who thought I was done with this place…. Right… Not even close. I won’t say I wish I was dead. But I wish I could free myself ….
After retrospectively examining every second prior to this I now understand that it all boils down to choices….
There isn’t anything stopping us from making better choices.
Seriously just think of a few choices in your everyday life that could drastically change your life. Something as simple as a bus ticket can change your life. If you are underage a new book, look, game or friend […]
Let’s start my story at high school, which sucked ass. Basically really patriarchal boys school and my social life was non-existent. In my last year of high school parents got in a car accident, mother died and father left paralysed (and in hindsight mentally broken to a degree). I pushed for me and my younger siblings to move to live in Australia with relatives and this was supported by my mom’s side of the family, but not my dad’s; this essentially made me enemy no1 as far as my dad’s side was concerned and I suspect my dad has always held that against me. I […]
I’ve researched several ways to commit suicide. Most of what I read indicate a limited amount of success. I’d never use a gun, too messy. I’ve always gravitated towards RX and OTC drugs, My first attempt was Seroquil. I didn’t take enough, You need at least 10,000 mg. I’ve considered sixty Unisome. From what I’ve ready it may or may notwork
I’m not actively seeking, but I have a criteria of events that will steer me that way. I dunno, I just can’t cope.
I am everything wrong; my most beautiful excuse is that I am a product of my time. I am the demon of wrath because I find a flaw in everything but have no ability to create peace of it. If I don’t stroke, I will continue to rain terror on those around me whom I try to call liars but are only honest with themselves against the entity that is me. I am not allowed to scream because only I can be screamed at. I am seeking attention and glorification because I surround myself with intriguing things that distract from my ugly side. It’s not […]
Not that I have access to a gun of course as I live in England! .. Anyway, up until a week or so ago, I THOUGHT I had successfully over come the curse of the black ending which is suicide. I don’t think I had really considered it for about a year, which was really something for me as I spent 4 or 5 years previously to that engulfed in seesaw suicide battles of which at times really brought me to my knee’s, crying against the wall etc…
Anyway, I think this turn for the worst was brought on by a supposed friend who over the […]
I don’t know anymore. I’m not the person I used to be. I’m someone completely different. Now I just wanna be alone. I get panic attacks. I have really bad social anxiety. It is true what they say, you don’t know what you have until its gone. When I was 9 my mom died and everything just changed. I didn’t even go to her funeral. Slowly this emptiness started growing inside of me. I became kinda lonely and just really sad. There are times when I can’t handle it anymore and just get so sad that I just start thinking about suicide. Honestly, I believe […]
Why do people have to be so heart less this is the second post i have put on hers and i really dont know why im telling everyone my problens because i hate taliking to people my x left me back in September because i wasnt the person i used to be after i got hurt and i found she had been cheating on me for awhile and im in constant pain i live on pain killers and other meds for my heart rate and blood pressure they say its because of the pain and i admit im not the same person im tirectired all […]
it always ends with me hurting myself I have gone weeks with out cutting myself but it always comes back I hate myself I try to do good things for myself go to college classes and work I can’t pretend to be happy I can’t find anything to smile about I love whiskey try to drink a bottle a day i love drugs do them a lot anything to numb myself to forget about my shitty life and escape it for a short while my life is revolved around getting trashed and slashing my body up I get so down and depressed I don’t want […]
I will buy you this book, I don’t have a discount, there is nothing in it for me other than the interesting perspective I think it might offer you.
Its called “This is How” by Augusten Burroughs. The description is:
If you’re fat and fail every diet, if you’re thin but can’t get thin enough, if you lose your job, if your child dies, if you are diagnosed with cancer, if you always end up with exactly the wrong kind of person, if you always end up alone, if you can’t get over the past, if your parents are insane and ruining your life, if you really […]