I guess I don’t really know why I don’t have any friends, because I’ve told myself the same thing over and over again so that I believe that, instead of what’s probably true. I never tried to figure it out because it would be pointless, as I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I started posting here simply so that I could finally say what I needed to. I’ve always told myself I don’t want friends. I do. It hurts to admit it, but I do. I used to have friends, but for the past few months, I just stopped. I didn’t want my problems […]
I wish this world was the same world it used to be. Back then, everybody was allowed to be happy, now, I rarely see anyone truly happy.
I am one of the people that are not truly happy. I don’t even pretend to be happy anymore. I go through my days in a haze of sorrow. People always ask me what’s wrong, pretending that they care. I always lie and say I’m just tired. My boyfriend doesn’t really know about anything that goes on with me.
My family deeply hates me, because I am different from the rest of the kids. I have one real friend, and she doesn’t […]
I have been feeling down lately and bottling things a lot. I did something I’ve never done before. I took a sheet of paper and wrote down the title “REASONS WHY YOU SUCK”. Unexpectedly I wrote it very quickly, listing it all in points.
Then I cried.
And calmed down after a few minutes. Then, I looked at the list I wrote. I started writing again beside the points– this time, arguing against it. This is the result.
REASONS WHY YOU SUCK
1. You fail at everything. (you scored A* in your Alevels, got scholarship to China, won best speaker award in CIMA, scored 100 in […]
Where do you go when there is no where to go but down? My feelings of hopelessness and helplessness have escalated to the point that I have convinced myself that my purpose for being has been fulfilled and anything left in life is just “fluff”.
I pray daily that Jesus will come…soon. I don’t really want to die but I don’t want to continue this perpetual cycle of disappointment and failure. If Jesus were to come, he would take us all to eternal bliss.
I have a solid education and extensive professional experience, yet I have been unemployed now for three months. The only interviews I can […]
I’m turning 21 in a month. I’ve felt this way, at least to some degree, as long as I remember. Everyone always tells me “time heals all”. I don’t feel like anything has been healed. I’m stuck. The only way to discribe how I’m feeling is I’m in a clear box full of water, literally drowning in my own tears, but there is no way out. I can see everyone that I care about and people who care about me and those who say they do.. they are living their lives but all causally glancing over at me. Because they’ve all tried to “fix ” […]
I found a way out. Haha I found my method… I want to get out. Haha… but I’m unsure of if it’s what I want… I mean it is, in every sense it’s always on my mind; suicide. I can’t pretend I have no one that would care… there are plenty… I suppose I’m just worried about what they will do…I know some are as unstable as i am.. and I’d never wish them to harm themselves….
It’s a struggle to get through the day. Often I get off work and first thing I do is drink myself to sleep, around 4pm, it only takes me about 30 minutes and I’m asleep, good ol tequila….but the rest of my life is pain. I constantly think of suicide. I heard her voice this morning, when she came to pick up the dog, she was laughing with my roommates…perfectly fine…perfectly happy. When I wake up in tears daily. It always comes back to this. I am 24 years old, a lesbian, and I am constantly coming back to this depression. Sure there are breaks […]
…I feel less and less motivation to do anything. I’ve stopped going to classes, appointments, meetings with friends. The only thing I actually do is go to work. Normally I would proceed as usual because I’m always aware there is a possibility my suicide will fail and I will be left with the consequences of shrugging off my school work and such. But something tells me that this time will work and if it doesn’t…I might finally say “fuck it” and jump off a building even though it could potentially lead me to become a vegetable. How am I going to get my ass back […]
The only thing that is keeping me from leaving this world is my children. Even then, I can’t handle being a mom. I am so selfish for thinking such things. I see how people move on with their lives. They would be alright. They have more of a chance of making a better life for themselves than I do. And I can’t be a mother to them. It’s impossible for me to handle any kind of responsibility. My son is more responsible than I am. Get your shit together, your life will work out my friend says. I lack guidance and I’m constantly having to […]
Hi people.
It’s great to know that there are people that feel just as shitty as I do. I have a more personal blog where I rant about how I keep delaying “The Grand Event” and how there is always some tad of hope I have in humanity. Life,though always makes me regret even being conceived to begin with. I’ve been looking for a method to leave fast and painless I cut,but I’m not cutting to deep.
I know you understand me.Being a 20 year old female, South African.I don’t have much support of this side.My only way is out.
Here is one of my blog entries in […]
An 18 year old, senior in high school. She found a way to survive for 6 years and finally set herself free. The pain and anxiety got to her. The depression ate her alive from the outside in. The tears lay on her pillow case where she suffocated herself the night before. Her father, still the drunk he was before, still doesn’t realize that his screams actually got to her. He doesn’t understand that after every hit, it pushed her off the edge more. Her mother, still the druggie she always has been, doesn’t understand that it’s not easy having a parent that would rather […]
Back story: Me and my family have never gotten on. Now…
When I was in Year 4 my mother’s constant manipulation and verbal abuse over me was enough to drive me suicidal. That may sound petty, but nothing was ever good enough for her. Whenever I went out with my dad she would say “If anyone asks, don’t tell them she’s my daughter” if I had greasy hair or something. Anyway, she honestly did not care about my emotional state. I would always be walked in on when I was on the verge of killing myself.
Anyway, later on in the year I made a promise to […]
I didn’t write a title because I honestly do not know what I’m supposed to call my messed up story…
Back story: Me and my family have never gotten on. Now…
When I was in Year 4 my mother’s constant manipulation and verbal abuse over me was enough to drive me suicidal. That may sound petty, but nothing was ever good enough for her. Whenever I went out with my dad she would say “If anyone asks, don’t tell them she’s my daughter” if I had greasy hair or something. Anyway, she honestly did not care about my emotional state. I would always be walked in on […]
I almost always feel comfortable around others in a business sort of setting. When it comes to casual meetings and activities, I want the fuck out. I remember back when I had friends, and we went out to go eat, but I was bored to death. What was there to talk about? We already discussed poop. We talked about sex and food too. What was the point? Friends don’t last, they just come and go. We all run out of things to say, and being stuck in an unfulfilling relationship is… unfulfilling. I don’t get why people are so happy on the TV and outside […]
so i’m going to introduce my self first, well i guess you can see that my name is Misa.
I love anime stuff, and i’m kinda weird and rebellious.
Some people think that i’m goody goody but that’s always at first, and when i ask them why do they think that i’m goody goody they said that is because of my looks, because i look like i won’t do bad things that’s always the impression, and decide to them selves that i’m like that, and […]
This is my first post to this site and I’m a little apprehensive. My soon to be fiancé and I broke up yesterday. I’ve been crying ever since. She and I met online. She was going to be the last person I talked to before I ended my lifei . SHe and her boyfriend had broken up and I wanted to make sure she was okay and make one last person happy before I ended my life. We started dating and I was planning on proposing. It all came to a stop yesterday. I’ve got bad PTSD as I am a volunteer law enforcement officer. […]
….oh yeah..
I’m suddenly feeling a manic episode coming on. I’m at a crossroads with this feeling.. I don’t know whether to try and use it to feel better or keep low with the help of my sad music and bad habits. I just don’t want to crash again..it’s getting so old I just want to keep myself down and depressed as long as possible. But time goes by and I get nothing done in my life. I cant eat to the point of self harm. The problem with these manic feelings is that they always drop suddenly without warning, that or I become delusional […]
I am slowly coming to honest terms with the fact that, against all of my efforts, there truly is no hope for me. Whatever good things that I either create for myself or just happen upon me are all illusions whose ugly truths get revealed eventually.
I cannot trust my mom or my dad. Or the various mentors in my life.
I cannot trust my sister.
I don’t know if I can trust my brother, although ironically he’s shattered my trust many times in the past.
I cannot trust the only person who has ever really known me and who said the words, “I will always love you.”
I no longer have friends to break my trust.
This February, […]
I was the most happy child, I grew up in a little village with my mum, dad and big sister. Perfect.
My dad used to get so angry, he was violent with me and my sister. My mum was scared of him, but she’d always try and stop him. My mum was depressed, living in isolation with 2 small children and a husband always down the pub. My sister has autisum, but back then my mum was told she was just being ‘difficult’. Sometimes mum would get angry, her eyes would go red and pop out her head, her face would change, she’d look so […]
Your eyes are always so red and tired.
You were the one who taught me Endurance, but one day, the bottle’s gonna be filled up. There’s got to be a limit.
Aren’t there times you just want to scream, to shout and to throw things around?
How long can you stand, how long more can you endure?