so after a rough time with a bunch of nasty guys I decided to just live on my own, not let anyone in. I met a few guys and turned them down, too many awkward silences and dumb conversations. but one night I went on a date with a guy and for once he was a gentleman, he booked a table and he wore jeans that didnt show his bum, we laughed and i nearly cried laughing and there were no moments of scilence and he is clever, so clever and we talked about politics and current affairs and horses( we both have horses)but then after i […]
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always
Hello, i just really want to tell someone about this, i really do want to kill myself, everyday i feel anxious, depressed, worried, and most recently angry, i was always fine with the idea of suicide, but recently, i screwed things up, i have a great family, i am dating someone, but, i just cant seem to tell anyone about this, i doubt any of them will understand, i am going through a rough point in my life, and i know i can get through it, but i just simply dont want to, i am always afraid my girl will leave me, i dont tell […]
And that makes me sad, sort of.
My middle name is Maree, and I’ve had serious depression for about three-and-a-half years now. I believe the causes have an older age, but most of it is a bit foggy. Do I write “had” depression, as if it was an object? I had a hat that I used to wear everyday, no matter the weather, but now I don’t anymore. Or is it more of a condition: I’ve been depressed for three-and-a-half years, and the fact that it hasn’t let up tremendously shows it’s more that a bit of the blues.
I’m straying from the point. I don’t know […]
It’s funny I’m sharing my story here, cause just a couple of hours earlier I registered on here and actually posted a topic to clear my doubts regarding the suicide method I was opting for, at which I was politely told by a member here that this site is not appropriate for it. I’ve read multiple stories here, and I understand their pain, and I see they feel better having shared their stuff so I’m just trying my luck out as well, hoping I can resist the urge to die.
This basically refers to my two friends (C and M, I’m not gonna reveal the names […]
i confided in 3 people about thinking of hurting myself, and they all judged me and abandoned me. i can never tell anyone about these feelings ever again i see. people always judge me. i lost friends and its like i never had that many friends at first. i wish i never told anyone, but just killed myself. it hurts deeply.
I’ve decided that night time often is the worst time of day for me. How cliché – the worst comes with the darkness. I don’t like the dark. I’m sat in it now, with the dim light of my laptop illuminating my typing fingers and not much else. I try to familiarise myself with it, to know that I’m safe in my room when it’s dark just as much as when there is light.
I don’t know why this fear came back. Honestly, I do not understand, I got over my fear of the dark when I was a kid… but this past year or so, […]
Do you ever feel that the nicer you are, the shittier your life will be, and that the crueler people who have no problem walking over others succeed easier?
I’ve always hated the phrase, “It’s just business.”
No it’s not, you asshole. You’re taking the humanity out of the company and possibly ruining peoples’ lives.
Do you trust when you shouldn’t? I mean, are you naturally trusting, and do you never learn? Is that a flaw in a personality?
my littel joke has always been i tick the remember me box when i sine in cos that way at least some one will its a sham that its becomeing more and more true iv just come back from a larp event a place were NO ONE GIVES A SHIT WHO YOU ARE OR WHATS WRONG WITH YOU AS LONG AS YOUR UP FOR FIGHTING RP AND DRINKING AS LONG AS YOUR A NERD OR A GEEK AND AS LONG AS YOUR NOT A DICK UP FOR A LAUGH AT EVREY AVALABUL TIME YOU ARE COOL non of them give a shit about my spelling or […]
Being alone for me, can be good or bad. It’s never really either, there is peace in being alone sometimes, but other times… I’d do anything for someone to be near me.
It’s weird, craving company, for me anyway. I never really was a social kid – I’ve said before I found it difficult to fit in and I was never really bothered about going out too much. But I don’t know, something changed in secondary school; I found myself wanting to be… accepted? Wanted? Included?
I changed my habits I guess – I stopped reading and writing so much fanfiction, stopped holing myself in my room […]
“i could hear my heart beating. i could hear everyone’s heart. i could hear the human noise we sat there making. none of us moved. not even when the room went dark.”
i don’t know why i’m here. i can’t quite seem to figure out anything anymore. sometimes i get these little fits — my roommate calls them “funks” — in which i am just unhappy. i am upset. i am sad. i am angry, at you, and me, and the trees, at the world. and i don’t know why. i never know why. a girl is supposed to know herself better than anyone else could […]
I’ve spent the last 5 years dealing with depression. My mom never tried to help me and it seemed like the only person who cared was my older brother. He was the one who always drove me to therapy and he was the one who took me to the hospital after I tried to kill myself. After I moved away from him to live with my grandmother I couldn’t find anyone who cared. In the last 2 years since I’ve moved I have tried to kill myself 3 times. I realized by the third time there was some reason I was failing and I figured […]
You know, I haven’t had a bad life. Really, in perspective, retrospect, looking back… other people have worse problems than me. What I’m going through.. It’s bearable. You know, you bear it because you have to? But at the same time, it feels like you are going down an endless road of shite and it just keeps going and going like a frikken Duracell battery.
I have a pretty decent set of parents, I love them and I wouldn’t change them for the world – well, besides the fact that they are overweight and I don’t want to lose them before I have children, or even […]
Gee I wonder what it will be like going back to school after an entire summer of no socialization. I theorize that it’s always been this way. Elders say today’s generation have no respect, and teenagers feel like no one understands them, they feel jaded and unique to the crowd. I wonder if I appear to other people as just another bumbling fuckhead, unaware of the inevitable. I think we all just put on fake smiles and think to ourselves how awful and stupid everyone else is. Friends are essentially accepted societal masochism. The only one I hate more then you is myself.
I was really hoping to just slip away in my sleep last night but, like most things in my life, im just not that lucky. It used to be nights were the toughest for me. For some reason now, its mornings. I hate waking up with no one around. I hate the fact that I cant see my girls faces before leaving for work. They are always the first thing on my mind. I wake up in tears missing them. Why cant I just escape.
It’s Sunday night, and as usual I’m stuck inside. No one trusts me to go out anymore and I always feel as though I’m on lock down. I’m bored. I don’t really want to play video games or watch movies, I have been doing nothing but that for the past month. Hoping some of you out there want to lighten up the mood, weekends are hard for me and apparently that’s not so uncommon. Especially since I know there are things I could be doing but can’t because it’s so hard to travel where I am without a car. I should have asked to get […]
My son is 18, he lives elsewhere, I’ve been a deadbeat mum due to something called bipolar disorder which rendered me incapable of making good decisions. I should have had my son adopted, my mum stepped in but later on she stepped right out and put my son into care at 8 while I had yet another psychotic breakdown. There is no dad for my child. He was psychotic, paranoid, a drug taker, denied paternity after refusing to use a condom for the one time we had sex.
Friends and relatives have good relationships with their kids, they were wanted and planned. Kills me inside.
The guilt […]
No matter how hard I try to distract myself and think of good thoughts, the bad ones always come back and persist. It has gotten to the point where I just want to kill myself and end it all. I can’t handle anything anymore
my life is crap. it will always be. i have bipolar disorder. i will always have it. why should i keep going? im not even sad right now, im just being honest. I have two people who im living for, my gf and my son. I cant provide for them because of my issues right now, plus horrible economy. im poor, and black. i have health problems. i couldnt find love if my gf left me, which she might. I have 1 other friend. I live with my folks, and my family is sick just like me. Im thinking of killing myself, and writing a […]
Everything I do is worthless,everything I feel is useless,everything I hope for is always a cruel mirage and my soul is so full of pain I don’t feel like I have any strength anymore to keep forcing myself to live,what for? in the end life just hurts you,people take advantage of you the more sensitive and empathy you feel the worst and unlike they say it never actually gets better is all a lie it just lifts you up with a false pretense to throw you against the ground while it laughs at you and there you go again like a masochist standing up in order […]
it wont get better. my life is ruined and over. i will always be sick. i might exit today. if i work up the nerve. i just miht. no bs.