Hello there. I have a loving husband three amazing kids a fantastic family apart from my brother who is a complete twat (I mean totally) and I want to end my life…. . . ..I just want my pain to stop and it never does….. I just don’t know how i find the strength everyday to keep going. I am alone in this. I can’t share how I feel sat at the table….. It would break hearts….. But mine is breaking too…took a lot to put this down but it’s out there now…. I’m scared.
Tag:
amazing
I have an amazing guy in my life that I keep pushing away, he does so much for me but why am I still not happy?
I have friends who care and try to help, but I’m still not happy.
My life isn’t perfect, I cry myself to sleep so many nights, all I want to do is die. I think about death all the time, the other morning I wanted to open the car door and roll into traffic, I couldn’t breathe last night, instead of taking my asthma pump I just let it be and closed my eyes…. but I’m still here…
I thought […]
I don’t know if my memories are real anymore because they blur with my dreams of you. I dream of how things should have been. As you torture my mind I cling tighter to those memories and dreams and I feel guilty for loving him now that you are gone. I feel guilty. I don’t feel like I deserve any happiness because you didn’t have any, I feel like I’m betraying you by building a life with him. But I have to. I’m stronger now since I lost you but I am weak, and stupid. I make bad choices and I hurt people. The ones […]
It is amazing that the ones who need the most help are the ones who are overlooked or ignored. We are the ones who have mastered the art of lying, stealing, cheating and faking. These arts are not used to rise above our position in society, but they are used just to survive on this earth.
Its funny how those who are ‘successful’ are always caught lying, cheating and stealing. I suppose one could say that if you really wanted to be successful, you should learn those arts from us. But then, that would mean someone would have to pay attention to us. They would have […]
so after a rough time with a bunch of nasty guys I decided to just live on my own, not let anyone in. I met a few guys and turned them down, too many awkward silences and dumb conversations. but one night I went on a date with a guy and for once he was a gentleman, he booked a table and he wore jeans that didnt show his bum, we laughed and i nearly cried laughing and there were no moments of scilence and he is clever, so clever and we talked about politics and current affairs and horses( we both have horses)but then after i […]
I have an amazing beautifal sweet caring loving girl. She’s psychologically sound and cant understand my plight. As i was doing so good for a while. I had a job making 32 bucks an hour 64 on weekends and i threw it all away for no other reason then i didnt like it and hated the boss. I sometimes wonder if having a girl who’s been where im at would be any different? One who understands me. From experiance. Like we could help each other . My girl is too normal as wierd as that sounds and i feel like shit sayin it
When you know someone’s true colors and everyone else thinks their such an amazing person who can do no wrong.
No, but get on their bad side after investing your all and they’ll drop you like they never knew you.
Hi,
My name’s D.J. I suppose you could say I’m depressed, I mean not a day goes by that I don’t think about killing myself. In fact the only reason I haven’t is because I can’t be 100% sure that I will die.
Imagine hating life and yourself so much that you want to kill yourself. Then when you finally try- thinking that you can finally be happy about something- you wake back up. And have to live with the consequences of failing to kill yourself. That’s one of my biggest fears.
Everyday I can find several consequences of killing myself […]
I had an awful meeting with my doctor, but for some reason I feel much much better now. Adrenaline has taken over my body. I will probably crash later, but I feel fucking amazing right now.
So I have never blogged before but I figured it might help to get some of this stuff off my chest.
Where to begin???? Well currently I am going through a divorce from the mother of my 2 youngest children and I have no one to blame but myself.
I love her so much but have hurt her over and over again throughout the last 6 years. I have been unfaithful more times than I can count and I deserve for her to leave me. I would have left me a long time ago. She is the most beautiful, patient and forgiving woman ever. She is the […]
Still angry at myself for going back on my promise of no water. I’m going to probably what’s seemingly rambling but I need to get things off my chest. I got a message asking me about medications. I’ve been doing medications since I was in my early teens and NONE of them have helped they just leave me walking around like a zombie. Its amazing how many people can use the word “unstable” towards someone and not realize how much that word can hurt. Truthfully, YOU never knew of my bi-polar disorder, why? because I”M FUCKING ASHAMED of it. Then people use that word that […]
I am happy my family pushed for me to get a dog. No matter how bad of a day I have or how stupid I act sometimes, my dog will always love me. Zelda Is my life line. Â You can talk to them for hours on end and they will never judge you or talk back at that. They are the perfect listeners and it seems they can tell when you are having a great day or a bad one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vy0NySCmuFU
I don’t really like songs about suicide (even though I’m depressed) but this song is amazing.
I also like playing Beethoven on my Piano also when I’m down.
What type of songs do you guys listen to when you’re down?
Life right now is unimaginably amazing. Problem is with life is that just when everything is going great it will find a way to fuck you up. How to keep positive that it won’t? All the times that I have known life has messed me right up as soon as I thought it was going fine. All I can remember was that innocent little girl who thought that life is amazing then one horrible day when she was 12 years old found out how cruel the world was. Age 12 ran away from a rape and worst of all on holiday. These thoughts haunt me […]
i am close to only a few people.i cant get close to anymore people.they will just end up leaving me and hurting me like the rest.the are just not nice anymore.i blame my ex’s for making me have this fear of getting close to people.i hate the fact that i have the fear.i need to let go of that,but it doesnt look like tht is going to be happening anytime soon. SOMETIMES…..i feel like no one really knows me or my life or what i have been through.they only know my name not my story so stop being so damn mean to me and just […]
So….I have never really added my own post, so I am a bit nervous about the response…thus bare with me! I am currently off to work…another morning and day of survival! Over the past 10-12 years I have been struggling and suffering with depression, borderline and suicidality. I have been in intensive therapy programs and have a therapist who is amazing, yet I have been still feeling a bit off and at times hopeless. Everyone is so supportive on this blog and it’d be great to meet or chat with someone living in the same area of Massachusetts, who has been struggling with the same […]
i hate my life, it sucks, everything goes wrong but i guess im skipping a bit too far ahead so here from the start; when i was a little girl my mom and dad split up, he cheated we never spoke they never spoke, growing up he wasent there they never bothered then when i was about 7 he appeared again started wanting to see us we did an had frequent contact this was amazing, i never got along with his wife, i hated her and she had a strong opinion on me, this made it hard to see my dad again , again we […]
So I have finnaly manage the perfect plan. Quit my job, leaving my house, my animals have been placed with family members with the pretence of going travelling around the world. But its actually the perfect plan to finally have the opportunity to be in the position to end it without having to feel guilty about leaving my family to deal with all of my crap. House, bills, animals… So now will travel and see the most amazing things i. The world then i can go without felling guilty.
Lately, I’ve been becoming more and more angry about my situation at home(if I could, I would leave it but thats not an alternative due to factors like cops and getting a beatdown) It makes me so furious that I punch the walls in rage and just take out my blade and let it rip into my skin and after a few seconds, that blood flowing out, the release, the peace, the quiet within is an amazing feeling. It’s a temporary relief I know but which makes me think about running the blade down my jugular and taking the escape.
my BPD wont worsen, my temper […]
So, I found an amazing video with the Cutter’s Lullaby, and on it were some pictures for people like me. My sis made me angry, and I threw my phone at her. She picked it up, and it had frozen on a pic of the word “Disappear . . . ” and a bunch of blades around it and some blood stains. She said “that’s perfect for you. You should disappear and make everyone’s lives better.” So yeah, it’s my home page background. If my parents ask, I can say “(sistername) said it was perfect, so I kept it.” though they won’t find out. they’ll […]