Self harm song-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5t1f5HIPbg The ultimate suicide song- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKZRcIGnaqE&feature=relmfu (needs headphones) Anger -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mM3qOxHdcCU Death-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7mr_a7uo4o How people view us (generic advice)- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Snt4fEapbNM Society- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGEQT48Ghzs
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Amp
I was right about you all along.
When I thought someone finally cared about me, when I opened up & didn’t leave me, you left. You don’t even realise it either. I needed you. & you weren’t there. You were the first person I’ve ever opened up my dark, dark self to. I just want to cry out, do you realising what you’re doing to me. Do you realise the mess I am, desperate for help screaming at you, standing right in front of you?
You’re just like everyone else , you don’t care ; you’re just curious .
There is honestly no space on my wrists anymore. There’s no space left on my thighs. I hate purging. I hate starving. I hate eating. I hate not being good enough. I just wonder why I bother. Such a young age, & I’ve already attempted suicide. It hurts waking up, it hurts to smile, I just hate everyone. I’m so pathetic I disgust myself, I hate my bipolar, self-harmer, anorexic, bullimic self.
I found a really neat phrase the other day: “Pyrrhic victory”.
It comes from the Greek general Pyrrhus who fought & won a battle against the Romans but it cost him so many lives he said another victory like that would ruin him.
I feel like my entire life is a Pyrrhic victory. I’m surviving, so I guess I’m victorious. But at what cost? My mind is utterly ruined. I’ve made bitter enemies of everyone who ever knew me. My soul, if ever I had one, is so dark and heavy it’ll drag me down for 100 lifetimes.
What I can’t understand for the life of me is […]
I hate your touch
I hate your smellÂ
I hate your walkÂ
I hate the way you talk
I hate your mom
I hate your dad
I hate your brother who assumed I was bad
I hate the lord for making someone like you
I hate him for bring me to you
I hate how you made me love you
I hate how you took my heart away
I hate how you broke it
I hate how you left it
I hate how you never said you were sorry
I hate you for everything you did to me
I hate you for making me hate […]
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person.. thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
by niki
written by niki
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]
I’m so extremely depressed….it just seems like it’s building up little by little…a couple days ago, I finally caved in and cut 🙁 I felt so weak & controlled. I really wish I could feel happy…truly happy again just for a day.
I’m sat in bed, crying. I feel pathetic even writing this but I have nowhere else to go. My mum just took me out to go to B&Q with her. On the way I said ‘I would like to go home.’ She pulled up and asked me why. I said ‘I don’t know what I want to do because I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to be here.’
She took me home. On the way I asked her if she was currently suicidal, she said no but she had been not too long ago. I said, ‘Next time you feel that way maybe […]
I have no idea what to do. I just need some help, I guess.
So, here’s my story.
I’ve been battling depression & anxiety for 7 years now. I’m sure I’m not unique here.
I’ve also been fighting Interstitial Cystitis for 3 years. Basically, my immune system is trying to kill my bladder. I’m in constant pain. It feels very similar to giving birth. I can’t deal with the pain anymore, and there is nothing the doctors can do to stop the disease or the pain.
I just broke up with my boyfriend of nearly a year a few weeks ago. Not a problem. We just didn’t […]
Okay, so when i was three years old, my parents got divorced. I was fine with it, and everything was okay. Untill my dad got remarried…
My step mom has been a b*tch to me basically my whole life. It was kinda like the Cinderella story.. but for a few years (when i was about 7-12) everything was okay. But now im almost 14,. & the past 8 1/2 months or so have been shit.
Its not all because of my dads family. Some of it was me making stupid decisions. I know this may sound ridiculous […]
as i sit here typing each word that pops into my mind, i feel so friken depressed. i think of my past present and future. my past was horrible my present is worse and my fututre might be hell or i might so something with my self. i havent talked to my father in forever cuz i dont trust him he a crack head and i dont feel safe around him he is just worsesome. i saw him for the first time in 2 years and i started to cry cuz i felt scared and weak. i started cutting myself again. i feel like shit […]
Can it get any worse? He killed her that fucking bastard killed my fiancé. My kids grandparents came & got my boys. Now I truly have nothing to live for. Why is this happening to me PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME WHY?? O DEAR MERCIFUL LORD TAKE ME HOME TO MY FIANCÉ . I hate to take the easy way out but w/o her or my kids in nothing more than an empty shell. I hope it won’t be to painful!! Im scared but there’s no turning back now.!
I’m soo depressed, sick & tired of being sick & tired!! Why does life have to be so damn hard? Why can’t I ever be happy? Why do the people you care for hurt you the most? I just want to end it all!! The HELL with life!! What I wake up, get dressed, go to work, kiss my fiancé goodbye & head out. But what do you do when the person you swore was your soulmate betrays your trust & violats your boundaries? I’m in love with a woman whom I grew up with, even as kids we were always together. Now 16yrs later […]
Most people would say I have a pretty average life. I have two married parents and a healthy sister. I don’t have or know everything in fashion, but I do dress decently. I have some acne. My hair frizzes out from time to time. And I have plenty of friends.
But what they don’t know is this. My two married parents talk about divorce. They fight all the time. Even my mom is a recovering alcoholic. My sister may be healthy, but she tells me I don’t deserve to live, nobody likes me. My clothes have to cover my back because the […]
This really pains me to say this but…….I’m a pedophile or maybe a board-line/recovering pedophile if that exist. That’s just one of the reason I hate myself so much. To give u a quick run down of my disaster life it goes like this:
· I’m in my twenties
· Never had a girlfriend
· Super depress (obviously suicidal)
· Masturbate two-three times a day
· Small group of friends
· Tried therapy
· Tried medications
· Self help book
· Even hypnosis
· All & all basically a total definition of a loser
The worst part is that I’m entrusted with the care of a beautiful little girl who is the daughter of a close […]
Please. Please no. Don’t do this. i know it feels like no one cares & like no one notices or helps or listens or any of that, but trust me they do.
My Uncle, killed himself 2 years ago. He hung himself on the back porch. He lived with my Grandparents. Imagine that. Waking up one beautiful morning, setting out to have your coffee on the deck, and seeing your son, or someone you love to death, dead. He had attempted it before, but was never able to actually do it.
He had a daughter that was 3. He had friends and family that loved […]
i’m new here and i will get straight to the point: i suffer from depression that is killing me, i feel so insecure, so doubtfull of myself and i sometimes hate myself for who i am and i’m afraid what will become of me. i just have this feeling and i just can’t turn it around. i have been bullied at class, and i’ve got no friends in my class. they all think i’m weird because i listen to heavy metal music and R&B music together. i don’t like hiphop and that kinda crap and that’s why people in my class think i’m weird cause […]
I’ve never attempted suicide, but I find myself thinking about dying ALOT. Wondering who would care, how would their lives be, who would miss me, if my ex would feel guilty, how would I die, who would be at my funeral. I feel as if these thoughts consume a part of me that is too much to bare. Here I am 9:20 am. I should be in class but of course I woke up today with no sense of motivation, wondering why I woke up in the first place. I fucked myself over again, I failed last semester, &failed this semester too because I have […]
25 years ago I committed a federal felony. I stole money from the bank I worked at. The details don’t really matter-I confessed to it because my conscience got to me & returned the money. Even though I did my time & paid my fines, I ruined my life. It in reality is a life sentence. Not even the POTUS has the authority to expunge the record after all these years. I managed to survive through the years but this economy has been impossible. I had been doing well: had my own home, a rental property & a […]
4 years ago due to a stress induced issue during a relationship which may sound cliche but there was a large variety of issues which had piled on top of me and caused it.
i made a break attempt at well…..ending it all……obviously i cant go into details of what i did but its  a horrible thought that the only reason i woke up in hospital was because the bottle ran dry and i ran out things to swallow and i hadn’t broken the skin far enough….
Now given i was heavily inebriated when this venture occurred which didn’t help at all, i only have two memory’s from A&E firstly telling the nurse i didn’t want my family informed and […]