I feel so frightened about the way I am now. I’ve started to put somethings into place for an exit. Bought some rope. Started practicing how to do a proper noose. Thinking about logistics. At the same time I am fighting to keep a job that because of the way I am feeling I have started to hate. I am a big woman, but I cry all the time like a baby and I don’t know why. I hate my lack of control. I hate people telling me how lucky I am to have a good job. They tell me that and I feel desperate […]
Tag:
angry
Im so angry and frustrated right now. Why me? Why has this been my life? I never asked for any of this. Those were my thoughts and feelings for some time. I was angry at god. I was angry at the world. I was angry at my parents for the childhood I was robbed of and the issues I got because of it. Not anymore though. My anger or frustration is all directed inward now.
Why cant I get better? Why cant I get past my childhood? Why cant I let go of all the pain and hurt that haunts my every thought? Im not a […]
Depression is nothing new for me. Neither is anxiety. But lately I find I am irritable and angry. I get annoyed over every little thing and I imagine I’m driving the very few people I have, absolutely mad. What is one to do?
I don’t really know how I feel.
I haven’t talked to my friends in a month or so, at first it was because I was kind of lazy and didn’t feel like talking, but as days passed I realized how little my “friends” care. I mean, did I really mean nothing to them? All the communication I had was with one of them because she replied to something I tweeted. I know they check my twitter all the time, so they know I have been feeling like shit and they don’t fucking care! I just don’t know if I’m angry, or upset, I don’t know. I […]
In my algebra class a couple of boys and girls that you’d typically catagorize as ‘popular’ decided to bully me today. I’m not weak, and I wouldn’t ever let up that I was. I can take some taunting and not act out in any way because I feel like i’m mature enough not to. Well, one of the girls in that circle decided to attack a sensitive area of mine, the history of my family. Calling my mom a whore and making fun of our financial problems. I wont get into exact details of what she said, but let’s just say I ended up in […]
I am mad! Mad at my depression that interrupted my life, caused heartache and hurts. Separated me from my family for my emotional safety. I am mad at the counseling I had that went no where because I didn’t understand my emotional state of mind, 20 years later!
Over the years I had counseling, but they said counseling wasn’t about dredging up your past, it’s about moving forward! But if the unresolved thoughts and feelings aren’t examined, it IS what I needed/need.
I tell you I am also mad about how many people are affected this way- family of origin does harm and leaves the child to heal […]
Slowly the hunger sets in burning and eating away at my sorry empty selfish soul… How did I get here… The cold is taking over and yet somehow it’s so comforting… So I’ll lay here in the dark my mind spinning itself into 10,000 tiny knots I can’t unscramble… Fucking get me out of this hell!!! Please I pray he will get so angry that he’ll just decide one day to finish me off with his bare hands… Kill my body like he’s killed my soul.. Please fucking kill me! Kill me now! My burdens will no longer be yours when I’m finally resting in […]
This is the real reason I know I have changed, I am in an extremely messed up situation and I’m not beating myself up over it. It’s shocking to me because I feel like I should, I feel like I should want to be dead right now, as if I should hate myself. I have made so many careless mistakes and now I am dealing with the consequences. I never slept around I had only been with 2 people my entire life. My ex and a new person that I had known for a few months before deciding to do that. Well some how I […]
It got to the point where not even a bottle of vodka can get me to talk to my friends about my problems.I feel so damn alone,shut and distant from everyone .There are days i feel bad,angry with myself for still being alive and yet most of the time i feel nothing at all,the numb feeling took over my whole self.
Im sorry for writing this,i just had to .I know many of you have bigger problems than me and im here whining.Sorry.I hope it gets better for you.
I hate those assholes. Last spring, all the classmates were supposed to have a beer after critique. Unbeknownst to us, over half of them went to a different place than agreed – just to blow us off. They gave a reason later but it was clearly an excuse. The place we were going to, they said was closed. WELL IT WASN’T. ASSHOLES!
Last spring, some of my friends formed a competition team while I was away for a week. When I’m back – NOPE, SORRY, WE’RE FULL. I blew up at them for blowing me off. I said I suspect they do not ever want me […]
I’m going through a really bad spell, as it was just my birthday and (as I suspected I might) and I spent it alone with a Cup O’ Noodles.
I told my *best friend* that even though I didn’t feel much like going to a casino (which she said SHE was up for, knowing that a casino wouldn’t be the best place for me right now, I suspect) I would love to see her and visit.
She never bothered writing back.
She is a terrible friend.
My most major effort toward a career that I’ve never spoken of on here because it was too real […]
I have everything I ever wanted,
No… seriously , I do. Yet it feels like nothing, I hurt all the time and just want to sleep, cry and sleep. The hardest part is that it just makes me hate myself even more, the doctors say “depression” and give me pills that don’t work, the friends say it’s because I work too hard and suggest a drink (like I need ANOTHER addiction in my life to battle, one that is socially acceptable, cheap and everywhere, and I thought heroine was hard to stay away from). The saddest part of all of this is that I see myself […]
Her eyes and words are so icy
Oh but she burns
Like rum on the fire
Hot and fast and angry
As she can be
I walk my days on a wire
It looks ugly, but it’s clean
Oh momma, don’t fuss over me
The way she tells me I’m hers and she is mine
Open hand or closed fist would be fine
The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine
Calls of guilty fall on me
All while she stains
The sheets of some other
Thrown at me so powerfully
Just like she throws with the arm of her brother
But I want it, it’s a crime
For three years I’ve been depressed, as the doctors say. Last month I hit what felt like rock bottom. Still, I feel like I don’t deserve to talk about it here. I feel like I should be happy since everything comes so easy to me. I’m so angry with myself for purposely failing my tests and I just want to hurt myself for hurting everyone around me. I feel so guilty. I love my family and my friends and I’m only hurting them by feeling this way. The pain and emptiness inside is overwhelming, and only seems to be growing. I don’t know if I […]
Hi everyone. Well a little about me, I was born to a 16 and a 17 year old couple, their relationship didn’t last, so I was raised by my mom. When I was 2 my dad came back in to my life and I would go and spend the night with him every now an then at his mom’s house. When I was 5 me and my brother spent a month with him during the summer. During that time I was molested by a man who, I guess was a family member of my step grandpa. At first I knew it was wrong, but as […]
I was the most happy child, I grew up in a little village with my mum, dad and big sister. Perfect.
My dad used to get so angry, he was violent with me and my sister. My mum was scared of him, but she’d always try and stop him. My mum was depressed, living in isolation with 2 small children and a husband always down the pub. My sister has autisum, but back then my mum was told she was just being ‘difficult’. Sometimes mum would get angry, her eyes would go red and pop out her head, her face would change, she’d look so […]
Time to go
I leave behind 2 minor children
They are my world……. I am tired of being tired….. tired of waking up everyday to the guilt of my misdeeds of past…….. tired of people saying they understand or just shake it off
tired of always being angry and full of hate I would rather be dead if than to continue to live this way
if you dont know the pain it is hard for you to understand
I am devastated for what my kids will have to deal with but I could no longer go on
I had a surprising bout of anger, nearing a temper-tantrum, this morning. And what was it over? My missing hairbrush. Yeah thats low.
Its about the only thing I keep in the bathroom, it even has my name sharpied on it. I know it was there yesterday,when I didnt need it, but it isnt there today when needed it.
Thats my life. Things are there when I don’t need them & gone when they’re needed. Mostly that’s because other people use my stuff, even though it has my name written all over it, & they dont care & they dont replace. Its not like I can replace […]
Almost two weeks ago, my almost ex-husband killed himself. We were going through a divorce, which he didn’t want. It had gotten ugly because he was using our son as an emotional tool to hurt me. Our son is 11.
A policeman came to my work, took my in my office and told me to sit down. The officer told me that his brother had found his body. I had to tell our son that his father was dead. Funny thing is, although I was so sick of him, I seem to be having a harder time with this than my son is. I’m so angry. […]
I am currently in my first year of college. All of high school I would go through my ups and downs with my self-esteem. Whenever I meet another amazingly nice, funny, and pretty girl, I become obsessed with them. I want to be them and I model myself after them. I become their friend and I change the way I do my makeup and hair, or the way I dress. I get angry that I have light brown hair and hers is dark brown, or that I will never be as tall or skinny as her. Or that my face is covered in acne. Life […]