I have been so pissed off all day and i’m not over exaggerating. Im getting sick and tired of people using me, abusing me, and making me feel like nothing and im sorry.. yea.. im sorry. im just gonna like.. emotionally detatch myself from everything. you know, my depression is getting bad again. I am regressing into a deeper depression than i was before. and i can feel it not only in my mind but in my heart.. and its killing me. my meds are making me crzy… and .. i just dont know anymore.I wanted to try and be happy but everything just keeps […]
Tag:
angry
It’s been a tough few months for me lately.
Some days i hide it well, others, not so much.
Some days I am sat on my own in my bedroom and I feel so low I have no idea where to go or what to do.
I consider whether my next breath is worth taking dozens of times a day.
Some nights i go to sleep and admit to myself that not waking up; well it wouldn’t be so bad.
Sometimes i will try to talk family or friends but they are always seeming so happy that I don’t want to spoil their day so I […]
I finally have had enough with the emotional and physical abuse with everyone in my life. It is not like I have a best friend to tell all my problems to and receive advice from so I have decided to take a step forward and see a therapist.
I am partially excited about this decision because I can finally allow myself to open up without worrying about my secrets getting out but I am also afraid to tell about my feelings and emotions because what if he/she thinks I am a freak? A nothing.
This is my first step towards freedom from the dreadful memories that bind […]
I’ve come around because everything has become too much. All I do is work all day to save meager wages that will do me no good. I come home tired to start my homework so that maybe I can earn a bit more cash someday. That’s my life: nowhere else to go, nothing else to do, no other purpose.
No, life isn’t about being adored, but all day, every day, everyone I come across looks down their noses at me and thinks I’m dumb, weird- just an all around loser. Even my mom. Each day ends and I cry because they’re right, they know me immediately. […]
My proposed Note or “willâ€
(If you don’t give a fuck [as I suspect you don’t] and just want to get to the will skip the paragraphs and go to the bolded text.)
I killed myself because I can’t make heads or tails of life. My luck is almost always bad, and I am tired of hardship. Like many who have been in this place I have contemplated, and while the one’s full of vigor and self-righteousness say to live is the hardest, that isn’t true. It’s taken me a lot of research and commitment to die. Staying alive was not because I chose to do the […]
Today sucks, I didn’t want to do anything. I hated to be at therapy today. But when one of the therapists got me out of the group, I knew my mood would get worse because of the talk. My mom had called to therapy because she was worried about me. I told her yesterday that I didn’t want to live anymore. So one of the therapists wanted to talk to me about that. I really got angry when she wanted me to say: “I want to die.” She knew that I wanted to die, because my mom told that to her. She had also said […]
Today sucks, I completely freaked out today and I was very angry. Angry on myself, on the world, on my sister, on my parents, on the stupid weather, on everything. But mostly on myself. Directly after or actually during my angerexplosion I went to my room, jumped into my bed and started to hit myself. On my wrists, my chest and my shin. After that I still were angry, so I decided I needed more pain. Grabbed my knife and started cutting. After a while I had stopped and my mother walked into my room. She asked some things and I had to cry… After […]
Im so confused beyond belief..
I dont Know how to feel about this situation..sad?angry?hurt?
I feel like i dont want to talk to anyone not even go to school..
I don’t want to face anyone without you telling me what is wrong..
you were the person i looked forward to seeing..
I messaged you..you dont answer..
you’ve been gone for ages,and im worried..
you see the messages but you dont reply..
I want to know if you’re okay..why you’ve been missing school..
I dont know if you have the same feelings i do for you..but others are telling me you do..
but how can i know when your gone..when you have seemed to disappear..
I guess […]
i love my boyfriend but…. he recently almost killed himself. if it werent for me calling the police he’d be dead. but now he’s mad and im sick of all this shit. i mean i love him but i cant handle this anymore. but if i break up with him he’ll kill himself. plus i know my other friend c. will ask me out and i like him. nowhere near as much as my current bf but i do like him and couldnt say no. and then my current bf would try to beat up c. (and hurt himself in the process because he’s not […]
Soon, I will have to make a difficult decision. I’m not sure exactly when, but there is already this particular feeling- almost like an adrenaline reaction- slowly pushing my blood towards the surface of my skin, silently speeding my heart rate up, gradually shutting down my ability to feel anything but so fucking tense.
Someone is abusing me, quite badly and I have only recently come to the sense that I might perhaps matter in this world and that I don’t deserve mean hands touching me all the time. I want to speak of the injustices done to me, I want to be humble enough […]
I fucking hate my life.My dad came to my meeting today.Which is okay cause im like well if there talking to him i dont have to say shit.The problem is for one the meeting was way to long and ackward.I just wanted to get out of there.Theres going to be a big argument tonight about being hospitalized to test to see what meds im allergic.There on to me about the whole suicide even though i wouldnt dare give them information they could use to lock me up.I dont want to deal with all this at all and i have to suffer through it till after […]
It’s hard to be at home, when all my parents do lately is fight with eachother. Â It’s usually about money or dad misinterpreting mom’s expressions into anger, and then becoming angry himself. Â After which he tells her that she’s been angry lately, with an ‘I’m right’ tone, which she denies because she’s not, and then he keeps going at it. Â I try and intercede, telling him to stop, that he’s wrong, and just trying to get them to stop fighting. Â Then he yells at me, telling me to stay out of it. Â The dinner table turns into a bubble of silence, weighted by tension and […]
Just a shitty day… or a couple.
A day like today where I wake up feeling okay, and then I start thinking about all the things I’ve ever done wrong. And then I start thinking about how I’m a shitty person. And then, on top of that, I feel like I have zero things to offer. I try so fucking hard to be good at things, at art, at programming… I’m in college, getting decent grades and busting my ass… But I hate everything I’ve ever done. I’ve never accomplished anything and I feel worthless. I’m a huge sagging disappointment to myself. I feel ugly; I […]
When I was in the 7th grade my brother was sent away for therapy because he was dealing with alot of problems (ocd, tourettes, drug/alch abuse). In the 8th grade I started to feel neglected and hated by my parents, so i started cutting after every fight we had, which turned into coming home from school every day to cut my self. I stopped for a while, but then relapsed in the 9th grade. When this happened, i told my dad i was depressed and really considered killing myself and that i needed therapy. He said okay, and never brought it up again. After that […]
Fact of the matter is I am worried about leaving unfinished business behind. Basic nutshell, single parent, raised three kids, no suport, no assistance, no family. Struggled, adapted, overcame.. Kids grown except one. Times are harder now than it seems before. Job after job closing, laying off, housing difficulties, making ends meet, vehicle constantly breaking down.. it just never ends. I’m at the point where I feel like a complete loser and should just give up my child so she would have a better life. And then.. I really have no reason for living. I have no family, I have no love life, nor […]
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