I wouldn’t say I want to die, or commit suicide. I just feel like I don’t want or belong to this world. I’m seventeen and I’m halfway through my a-levels, the only place out of this dump and I’m not getting through it very easily. This place is horrible. It’s so unambitious and it eats at me. My dad’s messed up from the result of his past drug issues and is on medication. He has serious mood swings, and when I get home from school I fear seeing his car on the drive or the kind of mood he’ll be in when I get through […]
Tag:
Anxiety
I guess I thought going back to school was going to make me feel better. I thought it’d make my depression and anxiety go away and I’d be instantly better..but it didn’t. I’m still depressed and miserable, I still feel useless. I just want to be gone. The things that made me happy don’t even make me happy anymore. They’re just nice distractions, because when I really think about it, I’m not happy. I literally have no one. I just feel like a burden to my family. I know, there’s people on here that’s problems are far more worse than my own, and even now […]
My life has been hard, I mean a life of abuse and neglect really messes with a person. But it’s not my life that I hate and want to end its me it’s my brain, I’ve been diagnosed with depression, eating disorders & anxiety. I self harm a lot. Anyway my head will never shutup it’s like I have a voice in my head telling me to give up telling me I’m fat and ugly and pointless and worthless. You see it’s not my life or even the people in it that I want to get away from, it’s myself I can’t live with myself.. […]
My name is Taylor. I’m 17 years old. And I’m ready to go…Â Â I’ve been bullied since I was 9. And even before that I always had trouble making friends. I have Asbergers Syndrome, and thus its painfully hard for me to talk to people. I’ve been to about 11 schools. I kept dropping out and going switching schools. I couldn’t handle the bullying. But the thing is, even though the setting changed the story never did. I always got picked on and left out. Id come home crying everyday. In 9th grade the bullying hit a peak. I went to a small private school then, […]
Two daggers pierced through my heart and tore up my soul;Â
My heart bleeds;Â
My body lay still;Â
Numbness consumes me,
Yet I continue to breathe mindlessly.Â
It is a battle between life and death.Â
I ask myself Why?
I faint voice inside of me whispers to me that it is the ray of hope that lays dormant deep within my soul.Â
I sit here hating myself for being myself. I try everyday to live to be happy, but nothing ever works. The realization of the fact that the one person you love so much will never love you back torments me and leaves me unable to move. I pray for the torment to end.
He says I don’t try enough and he gets mad at me. But I know not what to do. I do what anyone deeply in love does when they are hurt by the one they love…I cry. I cry a river that turns into an ocean. My bloody tears mean nothing anymore because […]
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I fucking live off coffee and cigarettes, to be honest i just don’t give a shit , thats deff another lie, affirmed by my predisposition to cry. I claim to be emotionless when really I’m overrun by it. You all see a smile, but not whats inside, its just a mask i use to hide. I’m giving you what you want, now its up to you to conceive, in reality it has nothing to do with me. Over the years I’ve grown to see , that you don’t want to […]
Check out my blog of journal entries threw my struggles with depression anxiety along with heroin addiction to try and stop the pain. I keep my journal raw and for all to see . No one in this forum is alone !!
Http://www.jlb462606.blogspot.com
Im young. Im young, so young and I know I have so much to live for.Â
But I have a destroyed childhood, and family that has lied to me since I could process things through my mind. A mother who cares about herself more than her daughters, who is willing to let her children be molested; verbally and physically beaten. A father who has continuously filled his daughters with hate by verbally, physically and mentally abusing them alongside with their mother. My mother will soon be filled with severe Alzheimer’s and she won’t have me or my sister to help her. Which is just another burden […]
It’s he evening, and the day has finally started to catch up to me. A number of chance events have lead me to this.. Now I guess I finally have to suck it up.
Today, after being out of school since the holidays, and after a previous attempt at a meeting (which ended horribly with me ‘moving’ my principal out of my way), I was brought to another shitty, high school meeting. Yes, the police were invited this time.
So apparently a “warning sign” is writing “black poetry”. Their words. Not mine. There goes my expression..
They also mentioned about how I’ve added posts to here from school.. […]
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted…My holiday season was relatively calm..as I took off from work, and was off from school…mostly drama free except the ever present arguments with the asshole I’m forced to relate to as his daughter. But I digress.
School is back in full swing…in addition to more drama at work (seriously, I work with a bunch of 50 year old catty bitches in a freaking cafeteria…)
Needless to say, I’m already stressed the fuck out…looking for jobs, internships, working, going to school, dieting (i have a wedding to attend in june…needing to lose weight), and attempting to maintain my end of relationships. I’ve […]
When i want to feel the love that everyone surrounds me with , I can’t . I feel so alone and empty , i wish i knew a way out that does not involve hurting myself . I just want everything to be okay again . I do not want anxiety , fear , pain , sadness, or anything . I just want to be … well i don’t know what i want to be . If i cant be lonely and upset , what else is there?
I don’t understand how people can say suicide is selfish. In my case, it wouldn’t be. It’s not about “escaping” my problems. Nope…if I wanted to drown my sorrows I could easily turn to drinking or cutting myself or eating disorders or ….something, anything. I wouldn’t kill myself.
I’m an extremely logical person. The only reason I would end my life is because it’s not practical for me to be alive. Seriously, what’s the point of being alive? I have nothing to contribute to this world full of happiness and beauty and hope. My parents wasted fifteen years of time on me, spending money that could have […]
To the people around me I’m just that average semi popular kid who has a lot of friends and is always smiling. If they only knew how much effort I have to use to pretend like I’m this happy person. When in reality all I think about is ending my life. I weigh 120 lbs I’m 5’7 and I’m almost 18. I’ve attempted suicide a couple times with no success, I don’t even know why I continue to live this miserable existence. I suffer from terrible anxiety, bi polar, and bpd. I’ve tried multiple medicines, years of therapy their isn’t much left to try. I […]
if you have no one relying on you, then what’s so bad about killing yourself? I have family and friends, sure, but none of them needs me to live. I see friends every other week, try to see family less than that; I know I’m not necessary. I’m not necessary to any one other persons existence. People would be sad but so? Life is saddening.
No kids, no spouse or prospects of any kind, no pets, no car or mortgage and no hope.
If I continue living, I’ll just be seeking out ways to stay happy, like everybody else does. But nothing makes me happy, […]
At this moment I don’t know what I feel. It’s like my chest is being squeezed. I’m finding it hard to breathe. I can’t find the words to express how I feel, neither do I know how to write about them. My mind is empty, it feels like i can’t think anymore and the only thing I feel anymore is sadness, anger, or hate towards myself.
I never cry in front of people and today I cried in school. In front of a bunch of judgamental hypcrites. I couldn’t hold it in anymore, my desire to die is uncontrollable , it emerges at anytime. I […]
I am all alone in this mysterious world.I know almost nothing about my life,myself or the world around me.I’m really lost in the darkness of my great ignorance.I don’t know much about myself either.I can’t understand the workings of my own mind.It seems as though I am myself part of the mystery of existence and life.I am so helpless and lonely.The god of this enigmatic universe manipulates and controls all aspects of my life.He controls the innermost parts of my mind.I’m like a toy in his powerful hands.And death is getting closer and closer to me.My life smells of death.My body is so mortal that […]
Chapter Two of my story, which began with, “On Wednesday Night, I broke.”
On Friday, December 2, I attempted suicide. I hung myself by my neck with a cable TV coax strung through a metal shelf. I failed, because I was startled by an unexpected sensation of falling. I told my wife, and she called my mother, and the two of them put me on a sort of informal “suicide watch”. This is what happened after that.
On Sunday, my mother came over and spent most of the day with me. She’s a former cop and detective sergeant in the […]
Life the hound
the equivocal
comes to me at a bound
either to rend me
or to befriend me
I don’t know his intentions
till he jumps at my bare hand
with teeth or tongue
meanwhile I wait for the event
——————————————————
I like this poem,because it expresses my feelings of anxiety
and apprehension.I just wish I knew the poet who made it.