I’m 18, and I recently moved out of my parents house. I have three jobs, and I go to college, but I feel like I’m really bad at it. I feel manic, depressed, or anxious at all times, nothing seems real, I’m irritable as all hell, and I get high almost every day now just to get through all the self hate, guilt, and crazy thoughts running through my head at light speed. I don’t even want to die because of a situation I’m in or a person or anything, I just feel like I’m so bad at being alive and my mental illness is […]
I’m sure I’ve written many variations of this here before, but what the hell.
I’m a failure, as a human being. By pretty much any standard you can think of. That’s not going to change. There’s no future version of me that doesn’t feel alone, anxious and exhausted all the time. That can be happy and relaxed around others.
I can’t change the past. I can’t control the way I feel. I can’t really change the world we live in. These things are not mine to decide.
And yet here I am, still alive. For the foreseeable future. So, what do I want to do with this undeserved […]
It had been a really weird but happy (?) kind of day for me today.
I was actually planning to kill myself this evening. And today was supposed to be my last day on Earth. But then, idk maybe God is showing me signs to live.
I woke up this morning feeling really anxious. I had planned out what to do for today, finish suicide note, delete all social media accts., clean my room (finally!) and all those stuff to prepare for my departure.
I heard my mom and my cousin downstairs talking about some serious matters, a problem with my other cousin and her husband, our financial […]
I’m signing up for this leadership thing for school. I know, I know, doesn’t sound like the average fucked-up, depressed, anxious, and compulsive person, but maybe it’s a step in the right direction? Thing is, I’m competing with a ton of other people in my school for this, so we’re writing an essay to see who wins the sponsorship from a local charity. It’s a camp, and I’m just guessing it’s way outside the money my dad and I have, so this is my only chance. What I mean to do is ask if anybody can help me with maybe the direction I want to […]
I am hellish.
It took me a while to finish that sentence. Today, I was exposed to the revelation that I am that friend. That person; I am changing. I found myself today, in one of those common ruts, depressed and anxious to the extent that I could not keep a facade on my face.
These friends of mine are lovely. They do not judge me openly. They listen. The trouble is, you never know what they’re thinking, hearing you speak, watching you move – or not move at all. But today I did something I never have done. I demanded affection.
A friend […]
Follow up from my last post where I admitted to my sister I needed mental help. Usually admitting you need help is a great first step to getting better. I guess that all really depends on who you admit it to, though, and I made a huge mistake in my choice apparently.
im sick of feeling anxious and wanting to end everything. i dont like looking at everything and thinking of a way i could use it to inflict my own death. solutions to ending these thoughts would be greatly appreciated. please.
I’m coming to the end of 18 days off. I don’t want to go back. I hate it so much. It’s a constant reminder of how isolated I am. I feel so anxious while I’m there. I can barely function, and people treat me like I’m stupid as a result. And it doesn’t even pay enough to build any kind of life.
But I can’t think of a real alternative. I just want it to stop. I can’t bear the thought of another year wasted there, miserable.
I’ve been feeling a bit better lately. I got a few calls for job interviews and even though I don’t have a guaranteed job yet I don’t feel as anxious about it. I just stared on antidepressants and counseling. My counselor is very nice which I’m glad because I was very nervous with her being from the same hospital at the horrible doctor I’ve talked about before. Even though things aren’t perfect and parts of me are still sad I don’t feel as consumed by it lately. But I’m also very fearful, it’s hard feeling for me to explain. I’ve been depressed since I was […]
This is the first time I’ve done anything like this but I’m going to tell my story as best I can. I guess I’ll start by describing where I am now, physically and emotionally. I’m turned 21 this year and study engineering, of which I have completed 3 of the 8 semesters. Based on my academic record I’m a good student (or so they say) but the political situation in my country makes it difficult to acquire scholarships for one of my ethnicity (not that I need it as my family is quite well to do). Haven’t had a relationship in one year+, don’t have […]
I have been depressed most of my life my first suicide was drinking 1lt of disinfectant at 8 years old and countless other poisonings. But recently i have started trying antidepressants but the doses have little effect. I’ve had up to 900g of venlafaxine a day for a few days now with 4g of risperidone with it and if I feel anxious or an attack is coming I can use quetiapine and with weed I am finally feeling better. There’s no confusion, rapid heart rate, sweating nor is there a high. I feel fine til it wears off
I really hate the word reality. I hate when my mom storms in to my room
and tells me that lying in bed and taking naps all the time isn’t reality. She tells me I have to get up and sometimes I feel like I can’t. I don’t want to and it would be heaven if I could stay in my bedroom forever. It’s my safe place and I feel like no one can hurt me here. Today my mom came in to my room and she told me I had to start […]
Anxiety and depression is ruling my life and ruining it. I wish I could just snap out of it. The worst part is that I don’t even seem to want to change it. Everyday I seem to make choices which just allow it to get worse. I don’t go back to the doctors, which I know I should do. I should be taking medication, but I don’t. That would involve going back to the doctors to get a prescription. Going to the doctors makes me anxious. Getting help makes me anxious. I’ve tried before. It starts ok, but then I feel pressure to get better […]
I wanted to kill myself from puberty onwards. I am now in my 40s. I tried to kill myself 4 times before the age of 20. My life has always been sh*t and I wish my first suicide attempt had succeeded. “A permanent solution to a temporary problem”? I don’t think so. If you have poor mental health it is unlikely to ever get that much better. It will always be there. Plus where I live the government has reduced mental health services due to austerity, as well as benefits for people with mh problems. So I can just survive on the money I get, not live. No relationship, holidays, […]
I can feel it in my palms, the way they sweat more than usual. Like when I’m anxious (always) they get a little clammy. But these past few weeks I’ve had this feeling. That strange feeling , its even difficult for me to comprehend. & I feel it in my gut everyday. Ya’ know, most people tell me “don’t do it, you’re selfish if you do.” “you’d kill yourself over a person who killed themselves? that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” But the truth is, it’s not the dumbest thing a person has heard. Especially if that person was now left alone, due to […]
Suicide Project, that place to be…. or else what? Judges, just the thinking hurts. Ouch. P.T.S.D.
https://youtu.be/LRhNXrzMfew
Yep, leave you a gaggle of people standing by. Feel pretty ducky in this world, in a chicken suit. Tornadoes, Tsunamis, atomic plant melt downs, yep, there is a lot of gaggle-ing going on, you rubberneckers. Most go to these races hoping for a champion and often a wreck.
We need our own city to propel ourselves or the spirit must overcome the body to get day by day in an anxious mind.
Be a solider, 22 a day are hurting themselves irreversibly.
So put that most awful gaggle of people you might […]
I could really use some help. Lately I’ve been unable to sleep normally and I can’t stop freaking out over the littlest things in my life. I have to go outside and do something constantly or I get really anxious and want to scream. I can’t sleep at night because it feels like I have enough adrenaline in my body to kill a bull. I also feel lonely constantly because my two best friend (who are dating one another) are either busy, together, or in another state like my female best friend will be for a bit. So I’m going to be alone for the […]
I just want it to be over. It’s been going on for so long that I don’t ever see myself being happy or my version of “normal” again. My validity has been lost and no one takes me serious anymore. It’s like I am the handicapped son, brother, partner and friend. I have always been very self sufficient and after the attempt I was basically forced to move back in with family. Not having a life I created for myself has made my will to survive and live to completely disappear. The only thing stopping me from ending my own life are the people in […]
Most mornings I wake up wishing I died in my sleep. Why? Because this life sucks. I weigh over 300 pounds, I have never had a relationship, I have a grand total of 4 friends that I have known for over 15 years. I had no family except my mother and stepfather who are always nagging me to get help for my depression. Who wouldn’t be depressed if they had my life? I get up, I go to work, I come home, take a shit, eat, jerk off, sleep. Repeat. I was happier when I was getting high and banging hookers all the time. Now […]
I am so sick and tired of this life. Everyday is like Groundhog Day. When I wake up i wonder why only to find out that my life Sucks!!! I am soo depressed, anxious, stressed out by the littlest things and my solution to these symptoms is to drink and drug. I know many other coping skills but none work for me. I have attempted suicide many times and cant even get that right. Suicide is on my mind daily and I think i am going to try a more violent method next time. I want to do it June 11th the day before my […]