Anyone else here with lupus or other chronic illnesses/autoimmune disorders? Just curious. Today is World Lupus Day. I have lupus, so it’s pretty cool that there’s a whole day to raise awareness about it.
Tag:
awareness
I’m a deep thinker, as well as an overactive thinker, so almost every second of everyday there are numerous thoughts, worries, and questions running throughout my brain. Here’s one for anyone who wants to answer. What do you think you would be like and your life would be like if you didn’t know you were going to die? You had no awareness about what death is, or that it even happened. For me it would be pretty terrifying, mainly because I see death as my escape, something I will always be able to look forward to and count on because it is inevitable and is […]
So I watched two Matrix like movies (World on a wire & The thirteenth floor) and this documentary and I’m back to the thinking world again.
What is life and how are we any different from, say, a rock? I can’t get my head around feeling like a character in video game. What if I’m told today by a supernatural being that this really is a simulation and I’m a Mario like character in it? What difference will this revelation make in my life? I don’t think it will bring any difference. I will keep suffering from same things I suffer now. The state I’m […]
Hi everyone,
I wanted to share my story. My niece Anne took her life on March 30, 2015. She attempted the first time on February 10, 2013. I have no answers and we are at a loss. She left behind 3 beautiful young daughters. They are very strong girls but they miss their mom more than anything. She was the happiest person, but also the saddest. They always want to help others feel like they are loved. They made a suicide awareness video called “you are never alone”. They wanted to let others know you are loved way more than you could ever imagine. If you could, please […]
I don’t know if I’ve ever been quite this serious about it before. I’ve known I wanted to die since I can remember, even as a child. I’ve been toying with methods since I was twelve. I’ve come close out of anger and extreme sadness, apathy. But I don’t know if I’ve ever been this practical about it. It’s surreal. Like, okay, this is really it. You will cease to exist now. Everyone will still be there and you won’t be. You won’t know how everyone will get on.
It’s kind of like Andy Warhol said. He would rather watch every party he’s invited to on […]
I wish I could be myself around other people. Unfortunately, ‘myself’ is a complete piece of shit. And while there are things I can do to moderate that, I can’t see it ever changing.
So my life is artificial. I can’t let anyone else see who or what I really am. What goes through my head. Because it’s fundamentally unacceptable. I am completely alone. I can’t let anyone see the fear. Because if they see the fear, they might start asking what I’m so afraid of. What is so awful that I feel so anxious about?
So my whole life is an act. It has been for […]
So…my thought for the day is that I will probably never be happy. I don’t I have it in me. You don’t get to live how I’ve lived and be happy. There is no peace for me here.
Despite that, for the time being, I think I still want to live. I still want to pursue my goals, however out of reach they seem, even knowing that gaining them will bring nothing but momentary satisfaction before the gnawing discontent returns.
The main obstacles to this settlement are sleep and work.
On my days off I can usually cope with my overwhelming anxiety/existential dread by focusing on other things. I […]
Not purpose. not peace. I will get over this lust, this loathing that lurks by my mouth. lust of my awareness to get mixed with outside things, lust to get lost in memory. why, this self is not the real one, i have seen it. There exists a state where one is distant from everything and yet he can function genuinely and solve problems. Everything is complete and honest, no lie involved.
Please send your support for my video documentary venture, Our Dead Buddy’s Bucket List, a series I have started in support of suicide awareness and mental health awareness, in honor of my friend Skyler Atkinson, lost to suicide in January 2015. I film our first episode on September 12th @ Mt. Trashmore at the Hampton Roads 2015 Out of Darkness walk. I can’t make the event its potential without the support of other suicide and awareness supporters behind this effort. DONATE, every little bit counts. Join us in our first person documentary as we take Skyler’s guitar to explore the world all in support of […]
I can barely name these bizarre emotions I get. You could call it numbness mixed with lifted awareness. Like I’m not really here, but somewhere else. It happens to me quite often, these “detachments”. When these occur, my memory tend to get worse. I can’t remember what happened when, and I get confused easily.
I feel like I’m riding this crazy train of thoughts that will eventually take me to hell. Oh I think about many different things, not all are bad, but I get lost in the montage of feelings. I know how to make this stop. Sleeping usually does the trick. But temporary stopping […]
I hope this doesn’t happen to anyone here (unless you’re an abusive troll of course). I was banned from two chatrooms and this forum. I was manic and somewhat obnoxious at the time, however others misbehaved too and deliberately stirred shit for me with a loved one. I’m sure they’re still happily included in the respective groupings.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not bitter about it. I would just like to highlight for people the fact that many people with mental illnesses use these forums. Being banned or outcasted from a suicide forum could have quite a damaging effect on that person. Human beings yearn to […]
Made a grown man cry today. Told my father I just want to pass away, that I dont want to live another day. that death would kill my pain. So turn you eyes away, you dont want to see this. Avert your eyes and pray, and then he screamed
Dont go, I need you here with me. Dont go, I need you here.
Saved a young mans life today. I caught him as he jumped to his fate. I told him son I know your pain but doing this will just pawn it away. I wont turn away I cant let you do this. I wont walk […]
i might be holding a suicide awareness even for my school!!!
“And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depths until the hour of separation.”-Khalil Gibran
Today has been a heart-wrenching day. I woke up knowing it was the 2 month mark of when my little brother took his life. It has been a devastating loss that has shattered my world. He is a part of my soul and always has been and I feel tremendous loss.
And then I received an email this morning from a dear friend known here as Iamzero, stating that he was sorry but that he could not go on any longer and wished me thanks and love. Love […]
There is something worse than being retarded. It’s being a retarded person who is self-aware enough to know they’re retarded. I am retarded, and I know it. Like Charlie Gordon in Flowers for Algernon. Like him, I started out oblivious. I had a vague understanding that other people were making fun of my face, my actions, my words, my clothing, and the fact that I was never coordinated or fast enough to play sports at gym class no matter how hard I tried (nor, for that matter, could I make any sense of the rules). I became self aware very slowly, over time. I started […]
Once long ago, I trod upon a forgotten path. A withered, earthen, lonely thing. A disarray of crumbled stones, wispy cobwebs and a feral forest of rife undergrowth. My besotted mind was dull and addled; undaunted by this road of such a stifling ominous air. Drunk with my own relentless despair I stumbled through this foreboding path with the grace of a crippled cat. I know not when but quickly I saw my world contort, and twist with alarming intensity. My awareness was snatched by a sudden trance; my conscious smothered by gripping delusions, phantoms and nightmares galore. Before me unrolled the intricate fabric and […]
I am curious about something – I’m sorry of it seems trite or stupid. I don’t mean to be joking around. That being said, here goes:
Let’s assume, hypothetically for the moment that Hell exists and it is in fact governed by a fallen angel. Imagine what you will about eternal fire, absence of God, eternal and terrifying punishment – whatever your imagination can construe. And for the purposes of this question,the more horrible the better. You wake up tomorrow in the same pain and agony you were in when you went to bed. It’s just another day; same shit, different day. You have the same […]
pure empty awareness no self transcendent infinite skylike mind indestructible primordial eternal peace that your true self or ur reborn as a fkin ignorant worm dont roll the dice with the youniverse remove those created barriers and become free <3
I was once nothing. From the nothing I became something. Surely if I return to the nothing, I can once again spring into something.
Awareness is quite a weird thing really. A computer takes input, processes it, gives an output. It is never aware.
A man takes input, processes it, gives an output, and meanwhile there is this pesky thing called awareness observing the whole ordeal. A man that simply does, and does not observe while doing, makes infinitely more sense.
I wonder if it is even possible to die. Indeed, if reality constantly branches into different timelines, might it not be possible that […]
Check out this AMAZING youth suicide clip…I wrote it because I wanted to die, in fact I tried to take my life, but things didn’t quite work out that way…Check this out, share it and potentially help save someones life!