I had a great heart to heart talk again with the guy I love last night. It’s never totally serious which is nice. There’s jokes here and there and he does try to be as kind as possible. He says it’s a big cosmic joke, the universe is just fucking with us and saying fuck you both because he just can never feel that way for me or be attracted to me no matter what but I’m the closest person he’s ever had, that we get along the best, and he trusts me more than he’s ever trusted anyone. He started it, I forget what […]
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bad
The beast that we know as Paranoia, that’s always tugging at my mind, always forcing my mind into a state of wonder, into a thought pattern, like a cobweb,of catastrophic thoughts of what will happen if I’m not obedient.
But the worst of all, the beast that I fear the most, is myself. Tell me, please, is it my fault or is it just bad luck that I, of all people, was cursed with all this?
You know when you see another’s mannerisms, and they’re unique and interesting. Just the way they carry themselves catches your eye. It’s so fascinating to me that a person can be imbued with such rich qualities that down to the way they behave unconsciously is welcoming and full of life. It’s amazing to me what another person can do for your life, good and bad.
i feel a deeply warm feeling from some people, those who really actually care. The quality of the conversations about nothing that still yield joy. The feeling when they reach out, just to ask how you’re doing, it’s […]
So I just got my first job and I don’t know. I want to be happy about it but I feel like I’m just going to fuck it up bad. I feel like I’m going to do or say something stupid and everyone is going to remember it and I’m terrified I’ll be humiliated and I just want to cry even thinking about starting my first shift is making me want to burst in tears I don’t know if it’s just jitters or what but I feel like I’m going to simultaneously vomit and cry I don’t know what to do. I’m panicing so bad […]
I live a life that feels like a lie…. I smile and fake happiness because I feel like it is expected. My husband says “I don’t get it? Why are you always sad?” House, kids, job, family…. I should be happy right. What’s wrong with me that I live everyday wishing I had the guts to end it. To look at my “life” from the outside you would see a happy mother who always smiles, does activities with family, friends etc but it is all BS. I’m so tired. Tired of faking the smiles, tired of acting like everything […]
That moment you realize they were right. You are nothing….never will be. What am doing wrong that people see right through me. Wish bad things on me. Is it cause i am not pretty enough…or because i just not what you want. That moment everything clicks. That moment when getting on your knee’s praying to god begging him to end it become a norm. People just don’t realize how easily easily easily easily there words can influence someone decision. Like i wish that i wasn’t afraid to just do it. I know that as the time pass on me being afraid will soon fade. I […]
Sorry for posting again. Slow day at work. Just saw him repost more meme about love/sex/etc. and that one that says “masterbation keeps you from fucking the wrong person” and that really fucking cuts like a knife down to my soul! I don’t think I’m the wrong person or bad for him at all as much as I do to show I truly care!!!!!
Okay so here’s the thing, those of you who have read my posts before know that I’m against what mankind is making out of our earth and all the new machinery/technology that is being created. I’m a tree huggin-ground loving hippie, if you will. But, the more I’m in the city the more my hatred grows. The more I wish for some miracle to happen where it breaks down and destroys every bridge, building, house, tower anything. I don’t even want to walk outside my door anymore. Fuck I miss the country so bad you have no idea. (Random thing kinda) As I was laying […]
Hello Internet,
About me: I am a 12 year old guy that is not very happy but I am sad.
The Internet is my favorite place let me explain why, I have a bad life and school is the main problem, the teachers laugh at me kids bully me call me names etc… There is only some Pepole that are nice to me. Pepole even some of my friends make fun of me, I try to be playful but they say stop always very loud. I have been thinking of suicied but, I am very sacred of doing it. And the Internet is fun because pepole treat […]
Just have to quickly rant about this. So I go through twitter for my job to find stuff to copy and tweet out for clients and I came across this bullshit story of how you can be a billionaire if you just work hard enough at it and want it bad enough. Of course it’s cis het white guy who got rich because he married rich. Yeah, that was his big break. He was born poor but he married a woman who’s family owned a big company. So he made something more out of that company. See, there’s the lie. You can work your ass […]
I never though that I would honestly feel this way because I thought I would always be happy but I guess not. I always felt upset for some reason. Something would just happen that was happy it turned out to be upsetting when I thought of something different. I mean people would notice anything because they were to selfish and thinking about their stuck up lives and making a reason to make other people feel bad for them which I though was kinda stupid because other people are going through harder times which they don’t understand. I just want to go away that’s the easiest […]
Okay so I’m going to be ranting for a bit. If you read my last post, you might remember me saying I met someone a while ago who helps me with my problems. Last night, I was feeling really horrible so I texted her because talking to her always cheers me up. But she kept reading my texts and not replying. So I just moved on, thinking she was busy. Then one of my other friends showed me a picture of a conversation between her and a guy. The guy kept asking her for nudes. She has been exploited in the past for nudes from […]
I was just called stupid by my own husband that decided I’m holding him back and that me cutting myself was and is a stupid way to let go of my pain. But what does he know he doesn’t know how much depression hurts and how bad of a toll it takes on people. Anyways he’s deciding that being with me is to much of a problem so as of now I have nothing to look forward to waking up to every day anymore. At least this feeling of hating myself and feeling like a pathetic loser is going to be over soon.
to say too much?
If this is the only life that we are going to live through, and our only chance at happiness, isn’t it a bit worth sharing emotions and passions to the point that it becomes awkward? Isn’t that what being a human is all about?
My trouble with relationships is the mundane. Fuck the weather. Fuck sports. Fuck fashion. Fuck Hollywood. I’d rather talk about us and the silly memories that we’ve been through, and, of course, the bad ones too. Others in my life, however, do they desire these relationships like I do?
I yearn for passionate relationships but get stuck when someone tells […]
Okay so I just really quickly wanted to say thank you to everyone on this site. My friend had to ask 2-3 times just for me to join this site. I was reluctant because I expected people to ignore me or call my problems stupid…I’ve kinda grown to expect it from bad experiences in my past. But the amount of support I got from people who have never met me is…astounding. I’m determined to not let my depression and anxiety define who I am, but I never knew where to start. This is a good place. I don’t know if this will be the indefinite […]
Cutting and full of anxiety but all he cares about is the fact I hung out with his roommate while he was at work.. I’m the bad one. Can I just die yet?
When it comes to cutting, since ive seen a lot of posts about it lately. Assuming not cutting in anyway that would require medical attention (basically a suicide attempt) is it really all that bad? I myself use it as a coping method, i know its not entirely preferable and i try not to if i can avoid it but i feel like its really no different than lighting up a cigarette. Or any other destresser bad habit.
Though i am curious about those who use it as a way to grab attention. I kinda dont get it unless its a silent cry for help kinda […]
Things I hate about my depression.
I can’t focus at all.
Feeling really empty and guilty
The domino effect. Bad things happen after another because I decided to skip a day and just lay down.
The constant thought of dying.
The sudden panic attacks or just the feeling of being on the edge of a cliff. Just there. Not falling but not exactly okay. Then breaking down.
Even though I’ve thought of changing, my body won’t listen.
Can’t eat normally. Hungry but will feel uneasy after two to three bites.
Being blind to good things.
Anxiety, man…
Worst of all is that I made my mom disappointed at herself.
I appreciate my mom sending me inspirational […]
I almost got a blessing today, but that almost blessing went away fast. I’m going to go to jail today most likely. I’m in a really bad spot and no one is going to help me I’m on my own. I have no choice. I’m going to be alone. I just have one more thing to say don’t true anyone people are evil they hurt you every chance you get especially when they see that you are down they will just make its worse. Just when I started be living in god again I punched in the face again.
Everyone says karma’s a *****. Well I that’s the case then why dose it only come after me why is it not ok for me to call people inbreeds and stuff like that, but its ok for them to turn around and call me a child molester, and I have an std and that I need to be killed and raped. That’s ok nothing will happen to them. Just me i have to take all the bad karma while everyone else gets the good karma. I tried to be patient, I’ve tried letting it go but nothing happens or things just get worse I always have […]