been in this site about a week readin and readin the stories… i’ve been depressed for 6 months and now i’m runnin out of resources to get my mind out it, since i’ve already failed in everythin n developin panic/anxious attacks isn’t helpin. or might be… actually the attacks are gettin a full mixed of emotions and desperate livin/dyin feelings. i just dont know whats real anymore… takin even more pills to get to sleep but every single minute dreamin about humiliantin/powerfull evil forces (not like ghosts or somethin) comin to me and makin the few people that i love suffer. i wake up with […]
Tag:
believe
Just wondering if anyone here would miss me at all if I offed myself. I come here to vent and wallow. Really I probably come off as an asshole. I see a lot of people here posting saying they care about people here. Idk if I can believe that. We are just words behind a keyboard. You don’t know me. We have never met and probably never will. Why ? How do you vet attached to words on a screen?
Things have changed for the better, I can’t believe that things really do “get better”. That saying has always been bs to me, I never believed that things could just one day be better and the suicidal feelings would fade. Ever since having a mental breakdown and coming so close to suicide, my eyes have opened. It’s barely been a week and things are a whole lot clearer. Things only begin to change when you realize they can. I know most of the time it feels like everything bad possible just happens to us, but most of the time it’s the way we handle the […]
I tried to hang myself last night. I have Schizoaffective disorder, BPD, PTSD and Anxiety and Depression. I feel like I have no one to talk to and everyone that I do talk to thinks I’m whiney. I have problems with my body and the doctors don’t see anything wrong. It’s so hard for me to walk and my insurance will be up at the end of next month. I will get a biopsy on Monday and they said that it could make my situation worse, plus they are going to stick a needle in the most sensitive area in my body. It’s so depressing […]
As a cchild, I used to dream of my future. I used to think all of these great things would happen, and that if I tried hard enough, I could be someone. Someone who was one who could make a difference. Not only that, but someone who would be great. Do something amazing, I guess.
But I believe those were dreams, and nothing but.
When I was about 5 or 6, I wanted to be a famous musician. I loved (and still do love) music back then. I wanted to just play piano or sing, get paid for it, and live that glamorous lifestyle. People […]
As a child, and indeed as a teenager, and even now, I’m mostly a loner. I never really sought out the company of other people, for whatever reason; and having a disability that carries lots of myths that people actually believe hasn’t really helped with friends. In elementary school, I quite clearly remember being lumped in with a group of people with learning disabilities, with the premise that I could make friends with other “disabled†people. Being nine or so, it didn’t bug me much; indeed at the time it did seem like a nice gesture. But, as I said, I’m […]
I was thinking today of a conversation i had with a teacher of mine a long time ago now. it was a biology class and she was going on about the whole nature versus nurture, i told her at the time that either one on its own is not important, i went on to talk about serial killers, how a partially damaged frontal lobe is an indicator to seriall killers, but i then went on to say that not all people with that type of damage turn out to be serial killers so logically speaking there has to be another facter, how they were nurtured […]
I post on this website to vent to let my thoughts and feelings flow out through these words. I don’t post on here to openly invite people to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do or how I should feel or to add to the distress in my life with their negativity. I am grateful to the people who have been positive and encouraging. At the end of the day I am me and I will make the right decision for me based on what I know and feel. I always find myself holding on I guess I can’t accept that life is truly […]
I wish I knew what’s wrong with me – I think I may have started a few posts with that line before! I need a rant, and a good long cry, and some sort of an answer from whichever celestial being might be listening. I have been single for a long time, now I have a fantastic boyfriend. He tells me everyday that I’m beautiful, yet I can’t allow myself to believe him. I’m convinced that he’s too good for me. He loves me, and he wants to marry me – yet I find myself fighting the urge to cut, and I have so many […]
Today was the first time I’ve been home alone with you sense January 4. I can’t believe what happened that day… It’s hard for me to forget.
This may sound stupid but I just want to know…
If you are visiting here and believe you can relate to the postings and feelings of worthlessness and despair, and truly feel like you want to escape, have you as a child or at any other time messed with a Ouija board? I know it sounds corny. But I’m curious.
I cant stand the depressions i keep getting.im on all these fancy medications and ive had 6 major depressions in the last year.sometimes i loose hope and just want to hide but i cant and its painful just to breath.does anyone else feel this way?
At home and alone lone is the only time i let my really feelings show. All sadness, pain and hurt. I try to tell people i really do but i just don’t want the looks that you get after. Not only of worry and pity but also the looks of disbelieving from all the people who believe there is nothing wrong. That it’s all for attention. When really your hurting inside.
I hate when people say that, too much pseudo-science and New Age ideologies are floating around and causing people to think that their suffering is a product of manifestation that somehow, their “soul” has made a contract with before coming to earth. If you believe in that new age shit, or even Christianity, all of it is filled with lies & hypocrisy. “You create your won reality” my ass, bio centrism doesn’t prove shit.
Heaven has called yet another angel
I can’t believe you are gone, but you are loved. You were always happy with such a beautiful and angelic smile. You had the most amazing personality and I will remember all of the hugs.
Rest in peace
Rebecca Larson
You were a angel on earth but now you’ve earned your wings <3
It’s 2014 and I can’t say I feel anything “new” about it. These days, which fly by ridiculously fast, a new year really signifies how much I still haven’t done or accomplished. Every year I make it to the next day, I begin to see the clouds in the sky that used to be a bright, beautiful blue during the day. At night, the clouds still appear overhead, instead of the bright, shiny stars I once thought to shoot for over long distances. Over three decades or so on this planet, and I would assume by now I would have more clarity in my perspective of this world, as […]
I know that most of you won’t read this or care or anything but, I am depressed. I feel so worthless, stupid and I feel like a disappointment of a human being. I’ve seen amazing people on the news and at school that  do incredible things for everyone and then I’m just there, wasting space and not doing anything.  When I first started to feel this way, I was only 11  and I thought that God hated me and that he was putting me through hell for a test but, that isn’t fair. Its been a year now and I still feel the same crap. The sad part is that if I were […]
So … I haven’t told anyone about my suicide thoughts but I can really just say I am exhausted of life. Not that I don’t appreciate it, I just want to be once something or someone I have planned. I believe in the afterlife and after reading the book “many lives, many masters” my fear and point of view of the afterlife or what is happening after the dead. I did research and I found out and it’s what that book is delivering: you can choose who and what you want to be in your next life, life lesson you want to learn and a […]
I’m here but, not all the way. I feel as if I am dying alive. Thye world is picking at my wounds. My cuts are being doused with ALCOHOL! I no longer feel as if, I am a human. I am hurting inside more than words will allow me to explain. I mutiliated my body again, I slash for each person who has hurt me. I Cant deal with this horrible pain. Shattered glass stabs me from within, I bleed an invisible blood. I drip sorrow from my eyes. Where has all of this anger come from, why are my dreams terrorizing my reality? Why […]
I don’t know why I’m here. Everyone says I have a purpose, but it’s hard to believe. Â You know what I believe? I believe no one truly has a purpose. People only trick themselves into believing they do. I believe that life is just some cruel joke. I believe that life is just a big game. It’s a war.
Older Posts