My life is like a roller coaster, it has it’s ups and downs, parts were I scream and parts were I feel safe. But if it’s one thing I learn I’m the maker of that roller coaster, I chose what happens good or bad. So I can’t really blame people for my mistakes. I’m the maker of what goes on in my life. If I want things to go right I must go up my roller coaster instead of down. I have to change how my roller coaster is, I can’t have it going down no more. I have to be a new […]
Tag:
blame
I’m sick of my sickness, don’t touch me, you’ll get this
I’m useless, lazy, perverted, and you hate me
Am I alone in finding a way to blame myself for every single problem, no matter how trivial? Honestly, everything is my fault. I’m sorry. Trust me, the guilt is like gravity to me.
She is perfect, and I imperfect. Things are as they should be.
I always knew someone in my family would kill themselves. My family is huge so someone had to. But I always thought that person would be me. Not my cousin. And now I realized that even though I want to kill myself I don’t want me to be the cause of my death. I want it to be because of something else. Because if I kill myself they’ll blame themselves and I don’t want people to blame themselves for something that I want. Because they won’t understand that it is me they should blame. I’m spiraling down again. I got in a car accident on […]
Step one of five has been completed. My death date is January 9th. The same date as my birthday. My first step was to leave school. Well technically I got kicked out/academic probation but I didn’t tell anyone that. As far as everyone knows (including my family) I’m transferring to another school. I couldn’t tell anyone that I’m getting kicked out. I’m not blaming anybody for everything I did wrong and why i didn’t do well. I just don’t know what happened. I was doing so well with school and making straight A’s for the first 2 years. And I don’t even want to blame […]
I can’t fucking stand it here. I hate this place. I love my field of work, but I hate the people and this entire work environment. I’m tired of being yelled at, especially for things that shouldn’t be my fault. I do what I’m told, so if I fail it’s because you didn’t tell me thoroughly what needs done. You can’t give me half of an assignment and expect me to know how to finish it correctly. But apparently that makes me a bad worker because I can’t read people’s minds or go back twenty years and learn how you guys do things here.
I don’t […]
This isn’t about self pity, and this isn’t about what brings me down each day. Because if I could tell you what was wrong with me, I wouldn’t be on this site. I’m just naming some things I’ve done wrong that I seem to keep doing.
I’m too brutal. Little bit of a joke for you metal fans out there, but what I mean is that sometimes I’m a little too upfront and frank about how I feel. An example of this is when I liked this certain girl, and she’s really shy, too dumb to notice that though. So I went about my normal, honest, […]
I just turned on my social media, and saw all the stuff about Paris, and the tragic attacks that are still being resolved.
It really makes me wonder sometimes, why does life always take the life of those who want to live. I mean, I really do feel sorry for the victims and their families, but I can’t help but wonder why when this kind of stuff happens, why does it not seem to affect those who are already suffering and wallowing in death. It just seems that it would save everyone some pain. People like us from having to take the blame and the final […]
but .. she betrayed me … ! who is she … it’s life !! yup … it’s life …
i sow it .. a beautiful and loved it .. i wanted to live it .. i wanted to stay in it .. i didn’t ever wanna leave .. but it’s forcing me to !! i didn’t ever wanted .. it’s kicking me out .. like i am a ball ! why .. know i made many mistakes ! if god is watching he will know i’m not the only one .. alot of people had made many mistakes and many of them got the bless of […]
It doesn’t matter if I kill myself tonight.
I’m destined for hell anyway.
I would just be trading hell on earth for hell in eternity
And I’ve no one to blame but myself
I had plenty of chances to do good
But I never gave a shit about anyone but myself
I feel very alone
I guess I’m not allowed to ask someone to join me in this journey on this site
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I have been planning to kill myself for a few weeks now.. The only reason I haven’t yet is because I am trying to figure out a way to ensure my mom won’t blame herself.
I don’t know what I am hoping to achieve by posting this. I have tried to tell people, I guess kind of hoping they will talk me out of it.. But nobody seems to understand. I just get the generic ‘things will get better’, ‘this will pass, you’ll grow out of it’. Well I’ve been waiting to grow out of it for years now. When do you decide to stop waiting?
“Her Last Words”
By:
COURTNEY PARKER
Just an average girl
She always wore a smile
She was cheerful and happy for a short while
Now she’s older, things are getting colder
Life’s not what she though, she wishes someone had told her
She told you she was down, you let it slip by
So from then on she kept it on the inside
She told herself she was alright
But she was telling white lies
Can’t you tell? Look at her dull eyes
Tried to stop herself from crying almost every night
But she knew there was no […]
… pathetic what I hold myself up to. That meaningless standard that society holds true. It’s pretty funny how this fleshy substance known as our skin plays such a critical role in life. God, if you are there, you are a fucking idiot. What am I going to become in Heaven? A mindless drone doomed to worship your entity. Fuck you. I hate you God. You are non-existent, you are a fable that contorts the minds of the weak. You call me sacrilegious, and I thank you for that, I am self-aware. We will see who has the last laugh when the time comes. You […]
Insomnia has 4 syllables, 4 consonants, 4 vowels….it’s 4:00 in the morning, on a sunday…well, it’s a crying shame….not much left to do, but complain, of course…….I better find someone to blame….this insomnia will be the death of me……………it will
To think that she would like me. Who would? Or could? I can’t and won’t.
I was almost convinced she did.
I tried to get to know her, slowly it was working, she appeared to be reciprocating; smiling, laughing etcetera. After a while we got to texting. It was nice for a few messages but then she told me she had to call her boyfriend.
Ripped.
Ripped my heart out, though it’s not her fault and I don’t blame her. I just thought we had stuff in common and we’d get along.
Every one said we’d be good together.
I guess she’ll haunt my dreams […]
Two years, a recent attempt. A short trip. I get released just as easily. A mistake in calling, not knowing the trip would happen, or that it would be mandatory. They make me feel like shit, but at this point much anyone and anything does that. A rock could do that. Im too sensitive and not in a good way, I remain bitter. I try to operate from a place of rightous anger. At this moment, I’m surrounded by people I am aware do not like me. I was supposed to accept it, but when you feel… like that sort of weird, unapprochable person for […]
I have no purpose. I have never contributed to anybody’s life. Everyone abandons me over time. Can’t blame them really.
Things I hate about my depression.
I can’t focus at all.
Feeling really empty and guilty
The domino effect. Bad things happen after another because I decided to skip a day and just lay down.
The constant thought of dying.
The sudden panic attacks or just the feeling of being on the edge of a cliff. Just there. Not falling but not exactly okay. Then breaking down.
Even though I’ve thought of changing, my body won’t listen.
Can’t eat normally. Hungry but will feel uneasy after two to three bites.
Being blind to good things.
Anxiety, man…
Worst of all is that I made my mom disappointed at herself.
I appreciate my mom sending me inspirational […]
I don’t know what I am going to write. I am very acutely aware of everything that happens in me. That’s my property, that’s my specialty. What I am incapable of is- changing it. Life is hell for person who knows he is a hypocrite. The loops and spirals this reflecting produces. An endless blame game. Yeah, I did it. I left this goddamned city one morning and went to the place from where Himalayas start. There they were, vast, majestic. Fuck it’s too embarrassing to even tell what happened next. I came back. Yes, I FUCKING CAME BACK. The loneliness that dawned to me, […]