This is going to be my first post. I have read some posts from other people about various different things hoping it might lift my spirits up to know that I’m not the only person who feels like I do. But it doesnt. I feel better commenting back to people with positiviy, but I personally still fucking hate everything about myself and my life. I’m going no where fast. I feel like I’m just existing in this world. I’m not living. I would love to live. However, I don’t see that happening. It’s been too long feeLing like I do. Too many nights and days […]
Tag:
boyfriend
When I feel as though I’m a burden or am not doing good enough for this world, for those in my life or those I love, I feel worthless. And I spiral down to nothingness. My thoughts and feelings become a relentless battle of why I no longer need to be here in this world.
I feel like I am not good at anything. Or good enough. My boyfriend deserves so much better. I know that if I weren’t here, I’d eventually be forgotten about, no one would have to worry about me anymore, and I wouldn’t negatively affect anyone else’s life anymore.
People like […]
Hell, it’s corny as all fuck but I don’t care. Lately my personal situation has left me with more of a relation to Mr. Brightside than most songs. Well, that and a need to have one goddamn drink. Being alone sucks, but to know who you’d like to be spending time with is ignoring you, and is with their boyfriend just makes it that much worse. Experiencing one of the big depression symptoms which is… Any guesses? You Sir, You madam! You guessed it, lethargy. The girl’s out there doing God knows what for God knows what reason, and I’m sitting here talking about a […]
It was on this day eleven years ago that I decided to die. I was seventeen, and while I won’t violate policy by stating my method, the short story is that it was ineffective.
Ever since I was 12 or so, living has quite simply felt wrong. But I dealt with it. This fundamental issue was exacerbated by an issue that arose soon after. I had a really good friend, but every time she had a boyfriend, I got ridiculously jealous. Oddly enough, I always found a way to explain away my feelings. When similar situations arose in subsequent years, I concocted all kinds of ridiculous […]
Things are not good for me. More or less I am nothing more then a dissapointment in everything I do. I am a failure as a boyfriend,father,friend,son,grandson…you name it. I am falling apart in every way imaginable. I hate to look at myself,and no matter what I do I can’t seem to pull out of this. I tried to end it once,but was “saved” by 2 friends….not this time. I have a short period of time before my 2 year suicide clause is up on my life insurance,I have a storage unit large enough to fit my truck in it rented so no one can […]
Tomorrow, my boyfriend leaves for college. I don’t know if I can handle it. I figured out how to beat depression by myself just so I could date him. If it wasn’t for him, I would definitely be dead right now. But, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to handle him not being here. I don’t want to relapse, it’s been 9 months. I feel pathetic, feeling like I could fall apart over a boy. I feel pathetic, feeling like I could fall apart over a boy who’s only moving 45 minutes away.
I just want to end it now and don’t know the best way. I want something that would be painless and I’d just fall asleep and never wake up.
Then I think of my daughter. She’s 23 and has a wonderful boyfriend. They are both working on their futures and doing as well as they can. Both working hard towards it.
I don’t want to hurt her more than anyone in my life. But at the same time I just feel worthless and don’t want to be around anymore
I don’t get it. My parents say that my depression is just and act, but when my sister boyfriend breaks up with her and she goes and cries they help her right away. But when I’m crying or just lock my self in my room all they say is oh stop acting like a child. When i told them that i have some scars, this is the thing that got me so mad all they did was laugh. They say im just acting. But I’m not they don’t know i tried to kill my self more then once and all they say is that I’m […]
it’s my first time that i write personal things about me in a site or a blog. of course the identity is unknown so it’s okay. there’s so many things i want to talk about ..that i feel deep down.. i wish my heart could speak for me.. cause sometimes words doesn’t describe the true feelings of a person.. but at less it gives you the opportunity to express yourself a little bit.. long time ago words used to make feel better.. expressing myself i mean but unfortunately not anymore ..maybe a little bit like i said.. but i feel like this pain is growing.. […]
I broke up with my girlfriend of three years almost two months ago now, and for her it was over a bit longer than that (I left the place we were living together at two months ago). I think I still love her but she already has a new boyfriend. I have been trying to get over her but I think it’s getting worse. I feel so empty and alone. I had a relatively good life before but now I feel like nothing can get better. I’m very insecure about myself.
I kind of know that it was my fault that she lost love for me. We […]
I can’t take this pain anymore. I’m a young adult not even able to drink and my family disowned me. My boyfriend broke up with me and is already seeing someone else even though I still love him. I have no home and my only hope is to become a stripper to pay the bills and I’m not sure that’s even going to cut it. I don’t have a car either. I feel like I’m suffocating with nothing going for me. All I feel is so much pain and agony I can’t breathe.
When you come to think of those hard times you’ve been through you would think that you wouldn’t want it to happen again. Even though i have a boyfriend I know that i can’t lean on him when i’m upset or depressed because whats the point in bringing him down as well as myself… there is no point just because i have a fucked up life doesn’t mean i should fuck up anyone else’s and even though it pains me to write on here expressing my feelings i know that others have been feeling the same way as i have been and still am. Don’t […]
I have been a fighter all my life, molested as a child and growing up in extreme poverty in Flint, Bullied constantly and then raped when I was 15. Depression has never been a stranger to me, but I always wondered whether it was circumstantial or a chemical imbalance. I met my boyfriend of 7 years in high school and attended college, I even sought help from a psychiatrist who prescribed me Seroquel and told me I had Bipolar Disorder, the pills made me a zombie for 5 years but for once in my life my insomnia went away. Fast forward to now, my boyfriend […]
So old.
Yet still single.
Never had a boyfriend.
Will I become one of those cliche
40 year old virgin
Should I just be in a relationship for the sack of being in a relationship?
Even if I don’t feel a connection.
What is wrong with me.
I hate my life…
for the first time last night I tried to commit suicide. I was drunk and on valium, my lover who had just finished fucking me left to go home to his girlfriend. A month ago I had a boyfriend and on a saturday night would I too would have someones arms to sleep in. I was angry and felt used, nostalgia overwhelmed me so I downed 10 pain pills and the remainder of my alcohol before throwing the bottle at the wall. I picked up a glass shard and ran it down my arm. I ran outside my apartment and hysterically cried whilst I smoked […]
suicidal thoughts consume me…..
i feel like everyone hates me, nobody likes me…. whats wrong with me….
my lab partner decided to switch partners without even telling me – yes cause she doesnt like me…
everybody at work hates me……. im not even doing anything.
and now at home, he hates me.
what if im dead instead, ill be gone. for sure they’ll be hurt, shocked, and probably will move one eventually. but i will get my peace… forgive me Lord, you know whats in my head or what im feeling
i have nobody to talk to. even my managers wont talk to me. theyre useless. you cant even voice […]
Be human, they always said. Even when they held me in that bed and punctured my skin with some rusty nails. Be human, they repeated, as they tattooed that triangle in my back and told me that I would be perfect…with those…those things in my head and a black ooze in my veins. They said that those voices that haunted me were just computers repeating what I though, feeding from a certain emotion that they were made to target. Then they said I was the perfect hunter, the pacifier that would save mankind. They said that I was going to be the one that would […]
I look in the mirror and see someone I don’t know. I try really hard to get up everyday, but it is soo hard. I go to school, but I don’t see the point, it’s getting me know where. Applying for jobs is a lot easier said then done. I found out today that my mother helped my sister’s boyfriend find a job and he got it. After she promised that she would help, and she through me under the bus last mouth. She let me do an interview at a school that would have helped me get a degree and I would have had […]
Hey guys,
I have been suicidal for about 4 months now. And i have been cutting for the past one month.
It all started with this girl, who i liked but who didnt even think of me as a friend, and she had and still has a boyfriend. I started feeling useless and i talked to her, got to know her, i fell for her harder and i feel like shit all the time.
i dont have many friends, and it doesn’t help. I cant talk to my parents about this.
More importantly, i am in +2 rn, so college from next year. And i have practically stopped studying […]
She had come home from Chicago the night before. She, our roommate and I were drinking and watching Archer. I passed out. I came to with a raw cough in my throat like nothing I’d ever experienced. Turns out I threw up in my sleep and Roommate had to roll me over. He pointed to the soiled pillowcase in the laundry basket.
I heard my girlfriend whimpering low. I was the one in her life who knew her for the shortest amount of time, and yet I was the only one who could discern the barely-perceptible difference between her regular whimpers and the ones that indicated […]