I’m here because I don’t want to die. I want to believe that I have something to offer this world, and that my current suffering will lead to a day where I can turn it around and use it to help others. Thing is, I’ve been depressed my whole life. I feel like from the moment I was born, I was given a cluster of psychiatric diagnoses instead of a personality. I was a problem to be solved, not a person to be loved. I was not human; I was merely human labels. Autism at first, because I’d rock endlessly in place. Then bipolar, because […]
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Im so scared I dont know what to do……I’ve been in chronic pain now for 10yrs after a car accident made me have to have spine surgery. My life was great until that point……I was in college getting ready to graduate next quarter and I was working for a doctors office doing the work that I was in college for.
After the surgey I was unable to continue with class/work since it was excruciating to sit or stand for long periods of time and I would get horrible spasms and nerve damage caused a lightning type pain to run from my buttox down to my foot.
Well […]
I had such a traumatic experience over the weekend on Saturday. It was so horrible, that everything that happened is still so vivid and clear in my head. I can’t thank my boyfriend enough for comforting me. I posted another video. This song gets my mind off of the anxiety and stress.
Hello everyone, when i first found this place, i thought it was going to give me some painless methods to end it all, and though i am scared of whats on the other side.. ( pagan but not sure). I still felt like my life was just getting to hard for me. It was not a matter of , was i too scared to face it or had lack of support. Its worse then that.
I have Borderline personality disorder, I have dissociative identity disorder, major depressive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, Obsessive compulsive disorder. Social anxiety disorder.
Thus, i am a walking mess and i […]
Hi. This is my first post being on here and I am sort of scared to share my story with everyone. But I will try my best to tell it in the least amount of words possible.
Well, I am 16 and I have bad thoughts almost everyday. I have hated myself for the past few years and I would say it really start when I was turning 13. I started to have feelings for my best friend, who is a girl, and I thought that I was some disgusting freak of nature. My mom was okay with it when I came out to her but […]
I know that most of you don’t know my story or what I’ve been through and what I’m going through now, the thing is, my story is a little too long, but right now…I just need help…my parents keep dragging me down and day by day my suicidal thoughts grow bigger and bigger and bigger…I’m just about ready to put on my black dress, my white floral heels, my floral black net leggings, do my hair and make-up, right a good bye note to my family and take the bottle of pills I’ve been stashing up, 197 of them 20mg each, that’s 3,940mg in me, […]
Hi. This is my first post on here, and I think that this would help me a lot, considering I’m feeling like a sealed time bomb. Call me Cyn. I’m a teen, but I’ve been through a lot. Lately, I’ve been feeling like nothing. I have the very popular, “things feel like they’re getting worse” and “I feel like my mind is being taken over.” I’m not okay. I don’t have anti depressants, I live off Advil. My mother hates me, and so do my aunts and my grandmother. My whole family hates me; on my mother’s side at least. My boyfriend is the only […]
I doubt I posted often enough previously for anyone to have taken notice that I haven’t posted anything for some time now… The simple explanation is that I did not feel the need to. Every negative feeling for some reason subsided for a while, I was happy-ish. My boyfriend and I were getting along well, I finally managed to fit in amongst decent people.. Then I got admitted to hospital.
For physical reasons only was I admitted for three weeks, which took its toll I suppose. I was discharged a few days ago and honestly I’ve never felt worse. My boyfriend has decided once again to […]
This is my first time doing this and thanks to those who read it. I dont really share my feelings but i thought i should give it a try. I don’t know why someone at age 20 feels the way that I do. Ever since my dad passed away when i was 11 I have felt empty. I was my bestfriend and my role model. He suffered from drug abuse and was clean for a year, then went to a hotel off the parkway, overdosed, and killed himself. Every time I think about it I blame myself(& I know many people say that there is […]
I just got out of the hospital about a day ago and I find myself here at about 2:15 am sitting in the living room in a some what odd position in quite a significant amount of pain. 6 days ago, after having a rather unproductive and uneventful day, I ended up getting into an argument with my 17 and a half year old son over the fact that I hI have been sober for 3 years and about 5 months or so however back in February when I was tired of being accused of drinking when I wasn’t and being accused of being […]
seems to be a recurring theme here. I’m 22, never had a boyfriend or so much as kissed a boy. I’ve had opportunities, but turned them down for various reasons. Every day I wonder if I would be happier, less suicidal if I was in a loving relationship. Then again, that’s a dumb question because even a stupid little crush is enough to put me on cloud 9. But does it get boring after a while? For anyone in a relationship, do your feelings for your bf/gf/fiancee/husband/wife give you enough reason to go on, day after pointless day? Is it worth it?
So I managed to stay the whole day at school today, which made it a promising day. What was bad was what came after it.
I don’t know if it’s just me causing all of these problems in my relationship or if it’s naturally strenuous because of how me and my boyfriend are. Regardless, I got pretty upset today. To cut a very long, ongoin story/conversation short; I don’t believe he is making enough effort in our relationship. We never do anything, and all I’ve asked him is that one night when the majority of people aren’t there if we just take a walk down to […]
I kissed her and I don’t regret doing it for a Goddamn second. I love her and if I get my ass kicked or anything like that for it I’ll do it a thousand times again. She kissed back and it’s probably the best thing that’s happened to me since smileemptysoul. I understand she doesn’t love me. If her boyfriend ever sees this I’ll have my ass kicked. I won’t deny that. I feel better now than I have in a long time. More free, more happy, more alive, than I have in months. She’s taken, and she says she may not have me, but […]
Hello,
So today was a pretty bad day for me. I got sent home from school because I couldn’t stop crying. Well, I told them the reason was because of a bad headache, but in reality I just couldn’t find the strength to get through the day. The thought of walking around and talking to people who I know don’t like me, the thought of simply being somewhere I don’t belong scared me. So I cried. I continued to do so until I got home where I finally slept. But my dreams were simply filled with horrific scenarios which I dare not repeat for thought of […]
I thought by coming across a site like this would enable me to actually be able to rant about something, anything, so that my mind would be clear for a moment. But sitting here, typing this out, I’m struggling with how to put into words something which might catch someone’s attention who may be going through something similar. Someone I can relate to. The majority of people on here I suppose will all have similar background stories or specific tragedies which crossover with someone else’s, and so a relationship forms as these crossover people discover each other and help. My issue is; despite knowing the […]
When I was a freshman in high school. I thought graduating would be some type of exciting, overly overwhelming, and a burst of happiness moment. Well looks like I was wrong again, It’s the week of my graduation, my depression is back again, I’m not stable whatsoever financially or emotionally, my relationship w/ my boyfriend is most likely going to crumble within 2 months or so, I’m just very unhappy. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Now I’m here. Typing this bullshit. Fuck.
So my ex dumped me about two weeks tomorrow and I have to say I fucked up all of those two weeks, the first week I went to my grandmas and I went to a cherokee bonfire with a couple of friends from there and I met on of my ex boyfriend from second grade, he got me drunk like hardcore drunk but that’s because what I told him about my situation with my current ex boyfriend, later that night he toke me to my uncles cause I was beyond drunk and we fucked. I feel bad because I’m in love with my ex and […]
its been a tough couple of years..sixth grade and up was bad. my eighth grade year, my dad passed away..two months before i entered high school. R>I.P 7/19 i entered 9th grade alone and lost…i hated the world and i had a huge gap in my heart..from 7th til this day, i used self harm as an escape..after my dad passed away from cancer, i didnt eat and i constantly self harmed..a week and a half before homecoming, i lost all my friends due to rumors that everyone made up..saying i slept around and did drugs..none of it ever happened and none of it was […]
My whole life I’ve known that there is something wrong with me, and ever since I’ve been old enough to be self-aware I’ve done a lot to make myself better. You kind of have to, yeah? In some ways it’s almost effortless. When you suffer intensely you have nothing to do but search for a way out, even if you’re just laying in bed, trying to figure everything out.
It’s this feeling of real loneliness, and an intense fear of being alone. It’s killing me. I’m in my mid-twenties and I feel like I’m at least middle-aged. I’ve fallen in love a few times but it […]
Alright so yesterday during my third class period of the day, a CPS worker came and talked to me. We talked about my home life and if I feel safe being there. My mom’s boyfriend is in to drugs and drinking and when he’s high/drunk he likes to argue. Sometimes he’ll just be obnoxious and loud, other times he’ll get physical with my mom and stuff. What pissed me off was when she said on the report that it was mentioned that I cut myself. So she had to take a picture of me and of my arm and brought up that I was molested […]