I know this place
Without hope
Without sound
I visit it often
I know this place
The solo rock
The dead spirits
The Angels who were never born
I know this place
Where false prophets
Make dreary promises
My drinks gone cold
I know this place
Where your face
Blends with the ground
Someone else lives your dream
I know this place
Where heaven comes in a pill
Where the laughter is always in the other room
Where you’re sure you already died
I know this place
Where warm faces
Turn to gargoyles
You’re afraid to lift your head
Today I watched
While some guy […]
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The only thing that is keeping me alive now is knowing that i don’t have the proper stuff to do it with. yes i studied all the methods but many are not a guarantee. The biggest issue with me is suffering. I don’t want to do it in a way that makes me suffer, or i end up surviving but physically and mentally disabled. For me its not about an attempt, but success. Thought about shotguns and read about the exact place to shoot. but hell sometimes those are not a sure thing. Plus some of those bad boys are expensive and I wouldn’t wanna […]
I’m not much of a sharer and I’ll probably never share with someone one on one but I feel death haunts me now daily and no one sees how depressed and suicidal I’m getting because I have a way of putting on a mask at the time and look the happiest and I held on to chancr of relationships and love but the girls I’ve loved, liked or simply pursued have the same conclusion harsh rejection. Jay just made me feel like shit and now the voices say I should jump the bridge or let my veins bleed out or buy a nine and go […]
Hmm… Well I’m 27. And this feeling(s) have not subsided since my adolescence. On the contrary, every year gets worse. There is so much to write about. I don’t feel like getting into most of it. But I will say the one of the worst feelings is when you regret regretting ending your life. And it haunts me so. And I know that if don’t end it sunday. Monday will be full of regrets. Deep down I don’t want to end it. I mean I do, but at the same time. I want something worth living to stop me. Ofcourse I feel like a coward […]
It seems like if people aren’t beheading you for being an infidel, you’re being judged for your honesty. I really don’t understand how doctors and other intelligent people can be happy, unless they manage to block out the world somehow. I’ve observed several stories about intelligent people committing suicide, being murdered, or shamefully humiliated by society. I thought that I could be happy by being mean, but I’m just not naturally an asshole like so many others. I feel bad when I make morbid jokes based off of reality. When I talked to my therapist, I often told him what was bothering me, and he […]
Does anyone else keep a journal? I read that writing can be therapeutic if you suffer from depression. It was for me at first but then the journal eventually morphed into a written strategy of how and when I am going to exit. Now I’m more intent on exiting than when I started. I’ve done a lot of research on helium hoods and almost ordered the items I need to make one from Amazon yesterday. I stopped when I got worried that my wife would see the charge on our credit card statement and ask me what I bought. Plus, I was not sure where […]
Which sleeping pills or pills will knock you out for awhile, that you can buy in stores without a prescription?
I don’t come to this site often but I’m really down right now and contemplating ending it.
I’m tired of feeling and thinking of death so much. I can’t do this another year. I can’t change no matter what because 1.) I don’t want to because nothing outside will change and 2.) I’m just in too deep.
I didn’t even buy anyone christmas gifts because I’m a terrible person – I just want to spend my money on what I’ll kill myself with.
sorry if this brought someone down. I just feel lonely.
im tempted to take these tablets maybe theyll help the hurt go. maybe if i buy more, space them out over a couple of days make it look like an accident like i didn’t mean to do it. idk.
I lived alone with my brothers while my parents are living outside of country for 5 years. I miss the total privacy I had before doing all these attemps.. I used to lock my door and no one would even ask me why I did and I really miss that for a reason that partial suspension is my only way out.. could’ve taken all the time I want in my room to do it and get done with it with my room locked but I ruined this chance for myself.. I’ve done other attempts, ***** attempts (with pills) and now that my mom lives with […]
As a child my father abused me terribly and I never felt warm caring love from my parents. Deep in my heart I know they did in their own ways, they just didn’t know how to show it. My father told me I was ugly and would never make anything of myself. Well I did, I became an alcoholic just like him. I have been married 3 times with 2 kids and now I have 3 grandchildren. I am a generous giver, always doing for others but sometimes I need just a crumb from someone to show me they care. Maybe they don’t. It could […]
Lets do it. Lets start a trust fund. We all sell some pf our things then put it in a trust and agree to all meet someplace and use the tust money to pay the fair for who ever wants to come. Then we buy a bomb and just hold hands and sing a prayer or a hymn or something and just wait for it to us all up. Don’t you see that this is your chance!? Stop procastinating! We can do this together don’t you see! we can help each other. We’re all in the same boat so lets just punch a hole in […]
I consider my depression a terminal illness. Some of us battling this illness, we know we will terminate our lives one day. We are basically just waiting to die, because we can’t be saved. The darkness inside will always be there, waiting to resurface . It won’t let us be normal. It won’t let us be happy. It’s like we are slaves to this darkness. We basically sign our lives away by taking all the medication, because once you’re on antidepressants, you can’t stop taking them or else you’ll really be fucked in the […]
I love pens. I love finding them on the ground or on a desk and taking them for myself. I don’t know what it is about having a lot of pens that makes me feel good. I just bought 108 pens on Amazon just now for pretty cheap. I feel guilty, though, because I am from a very poor family that never had the money to buy pens or pencils for school. We’d have a few that we used, the rest were my dad’s pens which we couldn’t use since he wanted to keep them for himself. Maybe I get it from my dad. I […]
Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh i’m falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl i am, it isn’t me …
Nobody has a clue. I smile, i laugh, i put on such a huge front but inside i’m empty. I’m struggling to survive. Not only emotionally but physically too. I can’t even afford to buy food. Most days i go home and sit and watch tv and don’t eat. I eat once a day. I’m slowly fading away and people say “you’ve lost weight, you looking so good” but actually it’s not by choice. Tomorrow is my […]
I am looking for my life partner from any FIRST NATION WORLD, where life is not as depressed as where i am presently living. I lived some years in UK and I never felt depression as i am feeling in India. I am willing to relocate and have enough money that I can buy a small house there.
Every time i read any discussion forum on depression, i get the same answer that you are not alone and somebody is always there to help you. If such a help really exist please come forward to help. I will be thankful for my whole life for such […]
So. Here is my plan. I’d prefer to not be inundated with “we can help!” because nobody can.
I cannot put this into effect until January, unfortunately. But I have done some research, and apparently Kirkland is a good sleeping pill. You can buy them in 96 tablets. I figured that probably isn’t enough, so what you could probably do is, buy a few. Maybe over time, so nobody gets suspicious. Assuming these are water-soluble, make a solution with water and these things. Get into a bathtub. Go under.
And never come up.
Thoughts? Ideas? Criticism? […]
The urge and pain is back. My only way out would be to hang myself (good thing there’s trees around), but im broke right now and I can’t buy the rope. I used to have some, but my parents found it while snooping through my room and they threw it away. I honestly feel like these are my last days on Earth
Trying to get o across America, yo.
………………………………….. this is fucked.
I’ll buy you a new Sony laptop, and that’s it.
I can’t no more, down get me done.
I… Am… Monastic “Oblivion” Cassidy.
At the service, only celestial.
Can’t get high in the mold house.
Down into.
she told me to buy a notepad. a special one. i bought one that’s green because that’s my favorite color. then she told me to make a list of things that make me feel good, for times i can’t think straight and all i can think about is killing myself. i started writing.
listening to music.
reading a book.
writing.
smoking (cigarettes).
having sex.
taking the dog for a walk.
she told me to add new things every time i come up with ones. it does help sometimes. sometimes not. sometimes i’m so depressed i forget i have this notepad. it’s taking all of me.
anyway, thought […]