Just those typical brain clouds again, swirling around, filled with negativity, hopelessness, death. I’m fantasizing about something I shouldn’t be but I just can’t help it. It’s not about beating my thoughts anymore, I’ve come to the conclusion that they are simply just there, and they will stay there most likely. It’s almost a peaceful feeling knowing that something is out of your control and you just have to accept it. They come and go, I try not to dwell on them but there are those times where I am just consumed. That is when I feel the most lost, when I am a victim […]
Tag:
Clouds
Set to the music “The Fool on the Hill.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNfS9Ywb2Cc
I have become the clouds. No feelings, just expression. They only appreciate in passing. A compliment here, a compliment there, their heads turn back, to the ground. Beautiful, for those that look. But I am not beautiful, its just a point of view. Clouds at night, hidden from everyone. Unable to see no matter how hard you strain. Sadness, happiness, productive. Irrelevant. No one understands the work that goes into forming me. The sun, creating a phase transition of water, condensing back down… I form rain, snow, thunder. Some hate, others love. Emotionless either way. Some fly […]
Moby – The Sky Is Broken (Markus One Strings Works Remix)
The song is preparing me for the incoming advent with one rule; rather burn out than fade away so it’s full throttle or nothing.
Love for life is gradually fading and the sunsets are getting lesser. As far as I’m concerned – I’m almost done. Can’t fight the endless war of growing pain. I just might get lucky and get a heart attack; death is coming soon for me nevertheless – just pray the God that my demise will be painless. I fear of no death, but the pain.
Maybe this suicide mania of my mine wasn’t […]
I want to share the change that happened in me. Maybe my words will mean something to someone. I met some people that shared some ideas with me and their words hit me where i needed it. These were those words:
I am not my thoughts, feelings or states, those are the things that are just passing through me. I can choose if i want to relate to them. I am the one that is aware of the thoughts and feeling,s, so they are not a part of me. They are the clouds and i am the sky. I exist even without any of […]
I am 300 feet above the ground.
The exhilarating and yet familiar feeling that you are above everything else that man created.
The clouds chug slowly, dragged by the wind that is working its way
to that beautiful place where no clouds have to move anymore.
A step closer to the edge and I’ll be off balance,
tumbling over this ambitious edifice that attempted to scrape the sky.
Hah! Only if they knew. No one and nothing can’t.
The sky is where height ends…of dreams, of tears, of love.
A step closer and it’ll all be gone, plus several seconds of freedom to a place that never existed.
A void paradise where everything else […]
I don’t know what to do. I’m writing this and it’s all so sketchy. There are days I’m not paranoid and then there are days where I question if I should trust the world and my loved ones. I’m just a fucked up statement of life. I hate life and everything it consists of. I don’t wanna see the sun shining and the clouds passing by. I don’t wanna see the grass and the food we eat that in the majority is micro-processed. I feel so burdened with my thoughts, for they consume me entirely. I am not me anymore, I am a […]
S – slowly breathing in and out
A – about ready to scream and shout
V – vanishing faces focused on life
A – already giving up on that strife
N – not enough fight left in my body
N – never wanted my hands this bloody
A – alright I’ve had enough tears
H – how has tis much time past, so many years
C – clouds cover the sky
O – only I want to die
N – needed one last person to care
S – sorry it was only a dare
T – time has flown by
A – and all I can […]
we are shaking
and shaking so hard
but dont loose the grip
its all we’ve got
they cant see the pain
we feel in our heart
its like heartache
and making us falling apart
but we won’t give up
we will be stronger now
we will fight together
till we see the light through the clouds
we all gave up
when it was so hard
but its time to show them
who we are
we were not weak
we still arent
it was just the […]
I didn’t always live in a nightmare. I didn’t always have conversations with the voice in my head. I wasn’t always watched by disembodied shadows. I didn’t always hear tortured screams and maniacal laughter or my name in empty rooms. I used to be “happyâ€. “Happy†is an illusion created to hide all the pain, madness and fear. It was never real. But I used to experience that bliss, “Ignorance is bliss,†they say. That bliss is gone. I used to smile and laugh all the time. I used to think, or be thoughtful. Before the clouds, and locks. Before the black fog that covers […]
I look up and see the clouds above me. I feel pain and only pain when the rain falls. It feels like acid eating at my skin.
I feel pain with every key stroke on this post. I know you don’t get it. IT ALL HURTS.
I feel pain when see my phone, a piecing pain that shoots through me for every text from my so called friends.
The fake smile I put on for the world to see pulls on my heart telling me to cry. I stay dehydrated so IÂ don’t cry so none knows.
I stay strong don’t let it show. I see the faces of […]
Gives pain to those that are weak and can come out stronger. Endure and take as a reminder that the earthly ties of anguish are still knitted, and no human can untie what was tied by a supreme being. only the spirit and hand of it who laid the blocks and keyholes to that castle has the right to stand and move in it.
I wake to the sound of sadness and betrayal from a thought far far above. Understanding is all I will never get, actions turn to regrets. I lay, in a room, the ceiling is a dark night sky hidden from shooting stars. […]
It would be nice if, for once, leaving your house didn’t mean potentially ending up in that school parking lot by myself at 3 in the morning.
I’m driving, and I can feel it coming on. I knew it was going to happen as soon as you touched me and my thoughts immediately replaced your hands with his. I held it off the whole evening so I could enjoy my time with you but as soon as I’m alone again, I am truly alone. The wheel become harder to control as my hands start shaking and my breathing gets ragged. My head becomes lighter and fills […]
Feels like I’m aimlessly floating. The addictions I can’t seem to beat and the ones I just don’t want to or see the need to leave behind. Tired of not living.. but don’t really feel like I want to ‘live’ anymore. Floating around and around. Moving inside my head. Thoughts telling me that I’m not here, I’m not really here.. Just watching everything pass by. I’m not on any medication or drugs, thank you very much. This is how things are. Music drives me. Tales of adventures and forbidden love. I get lost in other worlds.. I can’t handle this one. It can’t handle me. […]
Have I told you my favorite word is Halcyon? I hope tomorrow is a Halcyon day.
by jjgirl13
written by jjgirl13
I’ve set my date. It’s tomorrow.
I’ve set it so many times before. I keep putting it off. Dragging my feet. But life isn’t looking like sparkles anytime soon. Well, not life in general. Just me. Life could be sparkles. I don’t think I can see it again though. I’ve lost the art of experiencing joy. There’s no point not living; existing and living are two different things, and I can’t bear the former. Can’t walk the edge of the knife forever. Have to choose a side at some point.
When I look out the window, it’s fall. Fall is my favorite season. The air is crisp, and I […]
A wish
A wish where two friends
Drive on the coastal highway
With the windows down
The music way up high
Just dancing
Throughout the whole trip
A wish
A wish where two friends
Drive into the woods
Up into a hill
Just watching the clouds
Just watching the planes
Just watching the birds fly
Just watching nature
Just having a decent conversation
Like two innocent children
No stress
No drama
No problems
No situations
No fights
Just two friends being children for a day
Just a wish
According to my great grandmother i am an Old Soul. My spirit has been here a long time. I have a very strong connection to the spirit world. I see things that no one would ever want to see. Knock it if you want, everyone else thinks i am crazyu anyways. I can see spirits, and not only people i know. I have seen ghostly deaths countless times, i have seen the wraths tear people in half. No one ele can see them, no one i know. I can’t sleep, i haven’t slept for three days now. This will continue until i pass out and […]
I know everyone has different reasons for arriving at this site, though we all share the same goal. My reasons are mental health related at their core, I guess, and the fallout from the symtoms…
Major Depressive Disorder, a chronic case of ADHD that I discovered myself 10 years ago in my mid 20’s, and anxiety which amplifies my reactions to people who are I guess just naturally reacting to my conditions… a vicious, never ending cycle that brings me here. Sadness, loneliness, pain & the anger that comes with being misunderstood & having no one to talk to.
Suicide is something I began flirting […]
I know this is stupid but I had to make a poem for english and I worked for days on this becaue I tried so hard not to write about anything too deep since we had to explain the meaning being conveyed in the poem… So I guess if you’re feeling sad search or draw or think up a rainbow because rainbows make me happy and this is what happens to me when I see one… And also just to let you know this is a scene I set out of me walking to school…
As I search for that rainbow
Vengeful clouds devour the sky
Chill infects my […]
I had a dream one night.  I was with my friends getting pretty stoned outside on a bright, clear happy day.  I took a hit and looked up into the clear, beautiful  sky as I inhaled, but as I exhaled I began to feel out of place and out of person.  I tried to move, and I did, but at the same time I didn’t.  It was as if I was out of my rotting flesh cage, but my vision wasn’t coming with my spirit.  All that I could see was the clear blue sky… I began to panic.  My unbound spirit was being anchored […]
Theres a darkness when you’re not around,
A sense of sadness that clouds my surroundings.
The tears flow down my face,
And a question of “Why†enters my space.
My chest covered by my knees,
And I’m here crying out please.
But no matter what I do or say,
You can’t come back not even for a day or two.
A sense of sorrow starts bubbling up,
And my hands are cupped around my eyes.
A tear rolls down my lip,
and my stomach does a small dip.
This is all I feel,
Something so unreal,
And that’s all I will ever say or feel.
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