 
  Sometimes I can’t stand to see my own reflection. I can’t seem to see that the person in the mirror is me. I try to not look but when I do I suddenly break down, the world crashes around me. I am unable to do what I normally would which is distance myself from everyone and fade away into my own place. It feels like everyone is screaming at […]
This is the first time I post something on here but I feel like I’m finally ready to do something like this. For this first post I think I’m just gonna tell my story, I need to get it off my chest.
On the 30 of September 17 years ago my brother was born. And 2 years later on his birthday, I was born. We always shared our birthday and it was something really special. Me and my brother were always close, like few brothers and sisters are. Besides being my brother, he was also my best friend.
But it all ended on the 25 […]
my parents don’t even have a clue that thing got worse. It’s useless. I can’t be someone because I freak out in public because of my anxiety. I never leave my room. I want out but I don’t have a way. I’m weak. I want to be strong.
You haven’t slept at home for over two and half years, and I get it i’m 16 now but this started when I was 13 and a half. I don’t need you know because I’ve learned to do this myself to wake up every morning at six and shower, make my lunch, get ready and then wait for you too show up and drive me to school. You evolve everything around your boyfriend. I really just want you home. I want a mom I can talk to about the gossip going around school about the boy I like and anything. “Dads” been out of the […]
I have no clue what to do anymore. I’m losin all my friends my dads diei I’m a failure in school and work. I lost the one girl I loved cause I’m such an idiot. I fail at everything and I honestly don’t want to be alive anymore. I’ve never been so depressed in my life. I just want to end it all I drink myself crazy I cut, burn, scratch, and bite myself…I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’ve tried to kill myself  before. No one knows of course. Sadly the entire bottle of pills I took didn’t do anything but make me vomit the next day away. My family just thought it was the flu. They have no clue that I want to die, they don’t know that I hate my self with the entirety of my being. No one knows. I don’t want people to know, I don’t want to be that weird suicidal girl. The one that everyone pities, the girl that no one knows what to do with. I’m now a senior in high school and graduation is less than two weeks […]
I, like most people here, am looking for answers that we all know don’t exist. Â Despite that we all continue, we push on with blind faith, hoping, wishing, praying that the answers will just suddenly appear before us. Â But I have lost my faith and hope and my wishes and prayers go without response.
I am now 45, and I have been struggling with depression ever since I was 17. Â It has been a long and exhausting trip. Â It has caused me to lose all of my friends, resulted in me being hospitalized for a total of 3 months between high school and college. Â Â And […]
(A lot of the things I have to say in this post are comments I have already made in replies to posts by others. If something I say seems familiar to you, you probably read one of my previous comments.)
I once heard someone say that for some people, this world was never going to be quite right. I agree with that assesment. I see many people here on this site just like me. They feel alone, even in a room full of people. Somehow, no matter what we do, we just don’t fit into “the groove” that everyone else seems to. Because of this, everyone […]
Hearts beats together as one
Brown eyes stare
Hand shivers at your embrane
Knees weaken
What, Why is this happen
Tears falls
A silent mumble
Falls slowly to the ground
Will you be there to lift me back up
No no you wont
These emotions, these feelings
Of solitude , of loneliness has overcome me
No clue nor understanding
What do you want of me
I am dead , cold ice cold
These emotions have caused murder
I died in solitude and alone
Hand-written 🙂
What will I type? What message am I oddly eager to send, although once I begin typing I have to force myself to continue. This terrible apathy that I have acquired, where I care not when I see my mother rotting away, a wasted life, why do I feel the need to add one more silly post in the thousands that languish here already. In this curious journey of reaching another state of mind, I find myself hating my apathy, oh the irony. All that we, the youth at least, need is a sense of purpose. And if not that, then we would oh so […]
I swear, Trevor is either bipolar, a liar, or just weird. He goes and says that I’m ugly one day, but then he acts like he likes me the next. Today, he was talking about me to my friend Bailey. This is what they said : Trevor: Hey, do you know that girl named Courtney? Bailey: Yeah. Trevor: She smells better than she usually does.. Â So, yeah. Weird. I don’t know whether to take offense to it or not because it’s so weird. Seriously. I mean, he may be saying that I used to stink. Then again, he might be trying to compliment me, […]
There seems to be a common theme when I get messages or responses from people on some of my posts. I would like to address those now.
1. “Time will heal”(or any variation of that): My answer is this, it has been over 10 years for me. I hurt like it is day 1. My heart has not healed, in fact, it is very much an open, gaping wound. Every where I go I see her. I feel her, I sense her… it isn’t going away. Time is only making it harder on me. If it was getting better, if I was truly on the path […]
I die inside so you can smile
I limp to my room so you can run a mile
I wear rags so you can have style
I cry inside so you can play outside in the leaf pile
I can break this family with one phrase
I could end their naive daze
Mom won’t think its just a phase
and it wont just be my heart set ablaze
But quiet ill stay for the sake of them all
I can take the pain no matter how big or small
I can “Trip” down the stairs and fall
I can get hit in the face with a “Soccer ball”
I live in hell so you can live care […]
I have been dealing with depression for 8 painful years, and have had a self mutilation additction for seven of those eight. I have my ups and downs, but lately I feel like my depression has taken a turn for the worst. I have always felt it mentally and emotionally, but the physical symptoms of depression were always minor. That is… until recently. I couldn’t tell you what triggered my depression this time around. I haven’t the slightest clue. Maybe I’m lonely. Maybe I’m scared. Maybe I feel lost because my youth is very quickly leaving me.
I can’t eat. Every time I even look at food I’m […]
I keep trying to get better, because everyone tells me that I’m sick. That I have a mental disease that can kill me.
So I try again and again.
But I always end up right back here.
I guess I belong here. With the sick and the troubled; the lost and let down. I’m just a sick person looking for what? Happiness? Self worth? Validation? I don’t have a clue. But I do know that I belong with the fallen. I’m here with the people who, even though they’ve never met me, understand me. I’m with those who have given up, who have realized that there’s nothing left […]
Every day its the same thing, like a movie over and over.
I thought I had started getting over my depression, but now I just dont know. Im a senior in high school and I have no clue where I’m going for college, I keep screwing up everything I do and missing opportunities to become happy. Everyday I am looking back and regretting more and more. I feel as though there’s no right choices for me to make about my future and for the first time I am wondering if I should even try. I dont have a troubled childhood or anything like that in my past. Its like I’m just bad at life and I don’t […]
The title says how I feel and how I am.
Pretty much a useless person. I think I am kind to people most of the time, but in terms of helping others, I don’t know how to do it.
Simple things like chores are hard because I haven’t been taught, and apparently, you need sight for a lot of things.
I don’t like wallowing in self-pistty, but let’s be honest, if I stayed, this world wouldn’t be better, and if I left, the world wouldn’t be better anyways.
Am I depressed? Yes. But what can be done? I see a councilor, which is ok, but […]
Controlled by a Masked Man By MissCMF
© Copyright November 2012
I can’t control any move, my head gives up soul comes to prove
The voices chant, the pain begins; I know I will never win
Crashing into tables, causing tears, but no one can know of these fear
When people enter I struggle to stop, act like I’m fine when really I’m not
Â
If I told people what’s going on, they’ll think that I’m crazy that I don’t belong
Who has a masked man in their heads, who when takes over makes the real me
The voices he uses are the ones […]
What do you do when only one thing helps
But you can’t even do that right?
Take the bottle of pills off the shelf
Cuz you fuck everything up in your life
Well that’s what I just did
Downed pills like shots on new years
Popped the tops off a couple of new beers
Ran up to my room and hid
Under my bed cutting my wrist
Making designs to shame an artist
My cuts have a contest
To see who can go the farthest
First prize went from my armpit
Down to my fist
Left arm useless but I still have my right
To end my life […]
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