It was hard then to get out of that mental state. I don’t want it to come back. It feels like it’ll overwhelm me completely, this time with newer with harder demons, more temptations.
It is after all, just the circle of life aye ?
So, do I risk everything thus far and let go of the grip keeping my head above the waters?
Sigh.
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it’ll be this hard, I’m going back to the start.
Sorry I know it’s bad but people asked me to post it so….
I have other poems too if you want to hear them. Thanks for helping me so far.
I’m down under ground
nobody can see
they don’t notice
my true identity
I’ve been buried alive
can’t come up from under
I’m seen as lightning
but really I’m thunder
My rage is trapped
down under with me
and under ground
is where it should be
If I come up
I’ll never be the same
when I’m looked at
you’ll only see pain
I like it down here
it’s calm and quiet
above it’s loud
and a disturbing riot
If I let go
and never come back
maybe I’ll find the identity
I still sadly lack
It would put a stop
to […]
For about three years now (I’m 16) I’ve been getting these weird intense horrible physical/mental feelings that occur at random and last for about 10 minutes. I’m not sure exactly but I think it could be a panic/anxiety attack. My mum said she used to get them too but she never really understands me and i asked to see a doctor and she said no. So I thought I’d go to the school nurse about it and she didn’t really tell me anything either. I’ve explained to my friend the feelings before and she was just like no you cant call it a panic attack […]
23rd is my day now guys.. I won’t bore you anymore with my posts. No one can never get used to such condition I’m in. I wish I can say I’m happy now that I finally figured out how to end it but.. I just wish my mom didn’t come back to see this, even she understands that I can’t live for her, she told me that. I’ve been trying lately to sort of make my mom hate me to make it easier for her but it only works for a little while then I feel like an asshole and automatically talk to her. It’s […]
I’m at breaking point again. I fell off the rails big time 2 years ago after I was sexually assaulted twice by two different people in 3 months. It took me a while to get back on my feet. I have been to see psychologists and councillors all of which who have different diagnosis and long waiting lists. I thought I could do this by myself but I can’t, whenever I am reminded of either assault in any way I freak out. I’m scared all the time, I’m scared of boys, I shake all the time, I can’t do public transport, I’m just lost.
I’m 23 […]
but myself. I can pretend like I enjoy this existence again but I am exhausted doing it. I went out with my grandmother yesterday and she bought groceries. She was happy to see that some since of normality has come back. It has not and she acts like she doesn’t notice. I am really the walking dead. Not as clever as I once were. The dark has always been comforting and this is my comfort zone. Suicide project. I am not holding out for miracles, much more logical than that. I am expecting the darkness to come again, My body has gotten adjusted to it […]
All I ever wanted to be was loved by own parents but I guess I don’t get that, otherwise I wouldn’t be wishing to be dead. Life’s shit when you think about it why are we even on a planet just to reproduce the population. It’s utter stupidity I can’t stand this pain anymore I just want it to go away and never come back, what did I do to deserve this am I really that bad of a person to deserve this. Please anyone help me
I’ve been on this site a lot recently. I like it here, because it allows me to scream into the void of internet anonymity within a community of like-minded individuals who will essentially scream with me. If only our commonalities weren’t so awful, you know? If only this were a site for kitten enthusiasts or people with an overabundance of zest for life instead of, well, what it is.
I looked through some of the “My Suicide Note” posts, and it was surreal reading what people intended as their final words. It was even more surreal when they didn’t come back and say they’d failed their […]
Hi everyone, I used to be a frequently posting member of SP even before the site’s new look and new options with the dash (….which really wasn’t all that long ago guess.) I usually found answers and help here whenever it was sought, but it has been awhile since I have come here to say anything of real pertinence. I am back now because I have a real strong conviction and yearning to commit suicide and stop all of this damaged, irreparable ruinage. I know such things get said over and over on SP’ however it is difficult to go through […]
I always asked my self this question (why do people change???) but I never found an answer for it. I found so many people changed in my life some are my friends and even my mom had changed these few 2 years maybe even I changed and I didn’t realized that. there are some positive changes but most people if they changed they change into the negative side . when I use to be a kid I use to come back from school and I find my mom baked for me a cake and I sit to drink my milk with the cake but now […]
family and friends repeat the same words, “itll get better, itll pass with time, this is just temporary” but it isnt, they dont understand how much pain ive been in, and when i get up to do something about my sadness im told im crazy, why would i do that, maybe i am crazy, but im trying yo find my happiness, what im doing now, the journey i took over the holiday week, i may not come back alive, but i am reaching out and trying to grasp my happiness, wish me luck, if this is my last post then that means i did not […]
I know I barely post here anymore, but I still come back every now and then to read your stories. I recently read Shephard’s goodbye. He was a great friend to me a while back and I lost contact with him for a while. I need to know if any of you have had contact with him since his final post. I sent him an email, but haven’t had any response. And I know I may not hear from him for different reasons… But I just need some closure. It’s killing me. Please, if anyone has heard from him, or knows if he’s still with […]
Sample xx06
On to the next sound, cure my ailment, my illness
Forever a shattered machine
Let me drink the liquid and party on
What can I do, what can I do
I need the bounty, together unity
From the depths of a darkness
Je suis Albator from the bottom of the world
Throw me off the precipice, leap of faith or perish
Who can save me, who can save me
Back, up to the North
By the fire, by the fire, and our claws and silver
I haven’t drank cold gold-beer my entire life
Let me glide, escapade into higher-grounds
A grand a month, into […]
I have a good life most would say,a family who cares about me, friends, we’re not rich but we have a good life…and yet, everyday when I go out to live the same routine over and over again, I wish that something bad happens to me, a car accident, a robbery going wrong, being struck by thunder…I don’t know, I don’t want to live anymore, I just…can’t, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why I feel so unhappy when everyone says that I should be fine, and at the same time I’m too coward to take out my own life, I keep thinking about […]
I came on this site a LONG time ago and actually met a friend through here… we were both considering suicide three years ago and we are both still alive… We’ve graduated high school, and made it to college, and our colleges are only 30 minutes apart.
But that’s not why I’m posting… I have come back to those thoughts… Well, they never left. But they’ve kept from suffocating me for a while… Until now. Suddenly, these past couple of weeks, I’ve come to the conclusion that I should self harm again and have been. I have been wanting to kill myself but am not sure […]
Tonight, I had a close friend to me decide that he hates me. He decided I wasn’t worth it anymore, and he told me to f**k off and kill myself. I’m not gonna lie, that hurt me terribly. I wish I could just disappear and never come back. I’m feeling so guilty.. What if I really am the problem? I’m starting to think I’m the problem. I mean, can you blame him, our anyone else, for walking away from me? I’m a *****. I’m stupid. I’m pretty ugly too. I’m fat, I’m mean, I’m prudish, I’m snooty, and I am a terrible person. I’m a […]
Hello there. I’m me. I’m confused and I still don’t like myself.
Am I the only who feels so compelled to run away all the time? I feel like I want to run away from my life. From everything I have. From all of my life. From my experiences. From reality.
I want to run away to restart. You’re right. There are no restarts in life. But. Everything we do in life is based on our definitions, no?
Ah. I’m sorry. One day I will. I might or might not bring you. But this sounds like a pretty good future in my imagination.
Right. Running away. I should run […]
D_Binary
Damn, the high-end sound
And a deepest under
Severely developed
To my comrades, I lost it all
I am the Elephant-Whale
Defected nature has failed
Is it a game, it will continue
Flora and Fauna, run away
But so that I can come back
Can you fathom for me please
I am the backward and you the Sacred Clown
What can be done for the binary
Only with you does my story begin
Aquarius, the victim, what can
Rotting celebacy to replenish
Where are you, magic enchantress
Take me to […]
My trial begins in a couple of weeks. I’ve just come back from a weekend away with my in-laws and had an amazing time.
Obviously the discussions moved round to the allegations I will be fighting, and have had a resounding vote of confidence from everyone.
When you dream of you cutting your arms and their never going to stop bleeding and then you step into that bath filled with cold water wearing that white dress and dreaming that you will never belong in this world but in the end why is there so many people that care? Why is it that people feel the need to be there for you when you know your not worth it? Why is it that you feel like you can never let your self live a bit? Why is it that you want to let someone know your deepest secrets but your scared they […]
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