Why is it so hard for me to let people in? Why do I put on a mask and hide my emotions? I can almost feel a curtain come down, blocking my soul from whoever may be there.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel stuck,trapped oddly enough by my family. My husband has too much at work, and I don’t know how my kids would handle me having a second stay in the hospital in one year. That’s why the permanent solution keeps rolling around in my brain. Just be done with all of this. There’s a […]
The spoiler of Life.      HOPE
Hope ,that last  line that keeps you hear grounded.
Hope also brings  along for the run, Faith.
The belief that it will get better. Faith
Witch also stands along side with religion .
IF anyone can stop you He can. By witch name do i call you.
ARE YOU Â the ALL FOGIVING GOD , will you forgive me for what
ive done. Or will you judge me a coward and plugs my soul to hell.
wait is their even a heaven ? In my sleep i fine freedom from my
mind consent war . The peace i seek is their , No more pain, Nothing
simple sleep  is this what death is like? […]
Everyday is getting tougher. I’ve not only lost the family I created with my wife but I can’t seem to find anyone who cares for me. I’m a fat ugly slob who sleeps with prostitutes so he can feel the tiniest shred if intamacy. I am trying to belong to a world that I don’t fit into. Not that I am trying to fit into any particular category that people try to identify themself with. I just don’t fit in anywhere. I am truly a misfit.I can make friends , laugh and pretend to have fun but its ultimately lacking truth and substance. I feel […]
She fell apart over a small error
She lives her life, filled with terror.
She cuts her skin, like it’s paper.
People try, but no one can save her.
She can tie a noose.
She can get a gun.
She can find a knife.
And she’d be gone.
She could drown in a tub.
She could OD on drugs.
She could defy gravity.
But she’s no coward.
So she sits in her head.
Dreaming of dead.
wishing to go.
wanting it to be so.
And so she will wait.
And she will take the pain.
She will stay sane.
As the world goes insane.
Ever […]
I’m to much of  coward to do it quick and easy.
I’m using my eating disorder to die. Not too much time left until that happens I’m sure. I lost 40 pounds in three months and its still going. 83 pounds and losing.
Please hear what I’m not saying. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a mask. I tell you everything that’s really nothing, and nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me.
– The “mask”
Ever since I first thought of suicide, no maybe even before that, I put on the “mask”. For me this social “mask” that I wear has probably caused me a whole lot more damage than hurt, yet everyday when I step out of my bed in the morning, I still put on this “mask”, even if it’s covered in thorns. Why? This “mask” that I […]
I cant bring myself to tell anyone. The one person i love enough to tell doesnt listen. Maybe he listens but doesnt want to know. I hate myself and the life i have. But its not a bad life which makes it so much worse. I have tried to kill myself by cutting when i was a preteen but was so chicken shit i only gave a little scratch. Then as i got older i turned to pills for the pain. Overdosing did nothing but send me off to fitfull bouts of bad dreams only to wake up with a pounding headache. As a side […]
Hi – I’m a 22 year old girl, and I have had the luck to find someone who is the perfect match for me. If something like a “soulmate” exists, then I found mine, the love of my life. However, over 4 months ago I lost him to amnesia….he’s a soldier and he experienced a very bad psychic trauma, since that he forgot nearly everything about his past and his life. Of course, I was gone too. Over the months some of his memories came back, but nothing about me…I only saw him twice in this condition, and the last time was over 2 months […]
So does anyone feel like me and want to commit suicide in a lame way – not quickly, but just by not taking care of myself and not worrying about consequences?
I’m afraid to actually kill myself quickly and noticeably because I don’t want people to think poorly of me. I know, it’s stupid, I’d be dead.  I just have been through a lot and I don’t see life worth living.  So why not just have fun, not care about what situations I put myself in, and then whatever happens happens?
Or is that too slow a process? There’s a lot of pain while waiting. Â What else can I […]
I’m unhappy, I haven’t been diagnosed with depression, but I find that I’m easily depressed. The only moment of repose I feel is either when I’m asleep, (due to the fact that I do not dream, it’s just blackness and my worries fade away… until I wake up and find them again) and when I’m with my girlfriend (one of the few reasons I feel I can continue).) I get this uncomfortable, heavy feeling in my chest a lot when I’m sad and it makes me want to tear my heart out. I often am discouraged due to my lousy fast food job, my lack […]
I’m such a coward…
Everything’s in place for my death, and the only thing holding me back is my fear.
Fear of death, when it’s the only logical way to end all suffering.
Not just my suffering, but my family and friends’ as well.
Everyone’s better off without me, and that’s the truth.
So all I gotta do is jump…
and let gravity do the rest.
Fear is holding my feet to the ground.
You fucking coward…
Confused. That’s the feeling which describes me the most. I’m male, 22, and I’m currently engaged in a Master Degree. I had depressions before, I also had suicidal thoughts before, but I never tried it. I don’t fear my death, on the contrary, the idea itself is very pleasant to me, but I simply can’t decide wether I kill myself or not.
I know I’m responsible for all mistakes I’ve made. Problem is that I’m the failure. I feel like I shouldn’t stay alive because I’m a pain for everyone who surrounds me. I do have some friends, my parents are divorced, but fine, and they […]
I never thought I could feel this way. Missed connections. That alone was the miraculous thing. How and why did it turn out this way… I will never understand.
I’ve been silently suffering for a while now. I have had thoughts about killing myself several times, but they mostly hit late at night, which is when i feel most alone. I’ve pushed everyone in my life out and i’ve secluded myself from a lot, but not on purpose, it just kind of happened. I’ve lost a lot of people, and i feel like if i just did it and wasn’t such a coward i’d be in a much better place. I’m afraid of doing it because i don’t know what happens next, but i’m sure whatever happens next after that, is a lot better […]
I dont deserve to live. Thats what I think, and thats what I feel everyone else should think about me. Ever since i’ve become a teenager my life has just been shit. You’ll probably say im just overreacting. You’re probably right. But i cant help it. I just hate myself so bad I can barely describe it. Im a failure at life. I had friends, then I lost them, im socially awkward, im a freak, im a coward, im pessimistic, im selfish, im useless, im dumb, im slow and im narrow-minded. I feel like Gods mistake. Aparrently God gave everyone a good trait, but not […]
So I decided to end my life once again. And once again I failed. I had the noose around my neck, I was getting tunnel vision as everything faded, bliss filling me, and I stood back up. I’m far too heavy to actually hang myself on like the ceiling fan whilst standing on a chair and kicking it away, so I go for partial suspension which is all it really takes. I tie my bathrobe into a noose and tie it in my closet, slip my head through, tighten it and kneel. I don’t know why I do it, but each time I get back up right […]
When I was a kid I used to climb rocks and mountains, this one time I slipped and was hanging on the edge of a rock, the fall would have certainly resulted in my demise. I was scared, but then I looked down and for some reason I felt more alive there hanging so close to death. I felt so much life in me on that cliff.
10 years latter, I have finished my education, a bachelors degree and latter a masters degree in computer science and with good grades. I have a pretty decent job. I have pretty much accomplished what ever I was […]
For as long as I can remember I have thought of suicide, even back in elementary… I had no friends until the 4th grade. Things were okay until i shit my pants in the 5th grade therefore once again becoming an outcast. No friends in high school even though it was a fresh start I was still too awkward to make friends. Even when the thoughts are gone or I think everything is going good, it comes right back. Why cant I shake these thoughts? Im a loser and a weirdo, I have no friends and no one likes me. The only reasons I havent […]
I’m lost in a dark room in my own head.
I’m in pain and agony from all the thoughts that circulate.
The frightening answer of suicide and leaving.
I feel weak because I can’t accomplish it. I don’t slice deep enough.
I don’t take enough pills and I don’t use a thick enough rope.
I consider myself a coward. Because I cannot finish what I started in the middle of the year.
I’m alone, I’m scared I’m afraid. I’m worried and I’m in pain.
Each breath I take is another mistake. I shouldn’t be breathing this air.
Am I selfish for wanting it all to […]
I have been struggling with this for a long, long time. Suicide, the word that is there all the time, something I can’t get out of my mind. I know exactly who I am, and what I am going to be if I don’t end this. I’m just an ignorant, ugly, fat, useless waste of air, and that’s exactly what I am going to be for the rest of my life if I dont stop it right now.
I’ve tried everything: I’ve tried to be positive, I’ve tried religion, I’ve tried to have friends, to talk with my family. Nothing works, it seems like I’m some […]