I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to be depressed or sad and then we got an ice storm and I got stuck at home and my grandma passed away and now I’m crying my eyes out. We won’t be able to go to Kansas for the funeral and it breaks my heart knowing that I’ll never see her again…
I’m just a fucked up girl living in a fucked up life in a fucked up world. Welcome to where being me is- *Never Enough*-
Just because her eyes don’t tear doesn’t mean her heart doesn’t cry. And just because she comes off strong doesn’t mean there’s nothing wrong.
You don’t understand me and never will. So don’t start that shit ‘bout knowin’ how I feel.
My life is full of empty promises and broken dreams. I’m hoping things will look up, and right when they do, there’s always something to fuck it up, and we’re back at square one.
Do you know what its […]
I can’t take this shit anymore.
I don’t even know where to start my story.
Actually, I’m not going to waste my time typing the story.
Nobody Cares
I hate my life.
I want to die.
It never gets better
Crying each morning,
Crying all day.
Releasing the sorrow,
Releasing the pain.
Fight to wake up,
Fight to get out of bed.
Fighting the demons.
Inside my head.
Where do they come from,
Why are they there.
Maybe things would be different,
If someone would care.
Most look away.
It’s easier for them.
But I have a solution.
They will see then.
Maybe feel guilt,
Maybe feel shame.
Maybe feel something,
If they remember my name.
I hear voices in my head
I believe fairies dwell in flower beds
The night is a mystery and not my friend
For I see things at every corner and end
I cry for four days a week
Because of blame and sorrow my heart can’t keep
My dreams, like everyone else, have gone
Because they too are tired to go on
I don’t believe I belong
Life has been singing that to me like a song
I am a poet, but to everyone my poems appear
To be of sadness, yearn, insecurity, and fear
There’s a new voice in my head
That says I’d rather be better off as dead
But since I’m still present
And death may seem […]
Can’t you see I’m lying
Can’t you see I’m crying
Can’t you see I’m dying
Ask me if I’m okay
I’ll say I’m fine
But when I fall
You’ll see
I was lying
Crying
And Dying
Next week is prom and I’m going with my boyfriend. Â I know thats great and all but after, hes spending the night at my house so he doesn’t have to drive back to his house. Â Cause of the distance from mine to his. Â Cool, right? Â Except the thing is… Â I DON’T WANT HIM TO!!! Â I don’t know why but I just don’t. Â I hate texting, I always have! Â Its even to the point where I don’t want to text my boyfriend! Â I don’t know much about love but he told me he loves me last night and we already started kissing and I’m not sure […]
I have always loved school. Â When I was a little girl I had a ritual, I would watch Martina McBride’s music video for Concrete Angel before school. Â I also have eleven cousins and only two of which are older than me. Â Because of this I’ve always wanted to help people, especially children. Â It’s always been my goal. Â I go to a special school that helps prepare students for a certain career that they are thinking of going into. Â I go for Childhood Education and Human Services, and I LOVE the class. Â My teachers have even told me that I’m the best student out of the […]
My numbness takes me over,
Moving me as it likes.
Today it took my razor,
And quickly began to slice.
With blood rolling down my arms,
All I could do is cry.
Cry, cry, and cry some more.
Slowly collapsing onto my bathroom floor.
I begin to question the fact that Iexsit.
Why wass I placed on this Earth, if this the life I must live?
My numbness again takes over
Grabbing a bottle of pills.
It shoves them down my throat,
One pill at time.
I once again collapse,
Crying a little less.
Then, a smile speads across my face knowing I’ll soon be dead.
I have been in a battle with myself for about 2 years. Ever since I was 9 my family has told me that I need to lose weight because im fat. Yeah a 9 year old should lose weight. I’m actually not fat at all but I’m still in a battle to lose weight. i strain myself to work out. I know what you’re thinking just find someone to talk to. Well guess what I don’t have anyone. My mom never listens to me when I try to talk to her about my day or something she completely tunes me out. She has some “mental […]
I cry not because I’m sad but because I’ve built up so many emotions I don’t know what else to do. But crying leads to cutting, cutting leads to burning, burning leads to bruising, bruising leads to suicidal thoughts, suicidal thoughts leads to suicide plans, suicide plans leads to suicide letters, suicide letters leads to suicide, suicide leads to others crying…
I feel so alone.
I know im not though, im surrounded by friends, a thing many people wish for and want.
But i feel so dead inside, I don’t feel happy underneath that grin. I act like a joking clown and don’t take many things seriously. In return, when i am serious, they don’t take regard of it and over look it as one of my jokes. I’ve tried telling them that i hurt, that im sad and pitiful and it makes me hate myself because i don’t deserve pity but, once again, they brush it off and walk away. I act like a hero when i […]
I feel so disturbed, like I’m  going to puke from how upset I am.
I just felt so distant from people today; I knew the people I saw weren’t malicious, but I couldn’t help but feel so far away nevertheless. It made me real lonely.
Then I was pretty much ignored by someone who was supposed to be a friend, and I snapped. My eyes got sore with held back tears and I drifted even further from people,where I was only feeling a constant pain. The worst thing about it all was that inside I felt terrible, but in the crowd I was in at the time […]
My boyfriend and I just got in a fight. Beginning because I wouldn’t send him pictures. He got mad because I sent ONE to a kid over a year ago, as I went through my freshman slut phase. I told him it was a mistake and not to talk about. But he kept dwelling on it. I started crying because this is what it causing my pain again. People bringing up the old me and bashing on me. He kept asking why I was crying and I just kept telling him he wouldn’t understand. Finally, I reminded him of my depression, which he then reminded […]
i’ve been sitting on the floor of my room for over an hour sobbing with my razors in front of me. i can’t take the pain anymore. i can’t take knowing how disappointing and how much of a failure i am. everything hurts and i just want it to end. i don’t want to have to stay here for anyone else but me. im so trapped and i can’t get rid of this feeling. i’m sick of pretending that i want to be alive
I stayed away from Collin for a day. He told me to call and sure enough I did. What happened? He let it go to voicemail, he was testing me to see if I was still there. Possibly sitting around for him when I was not.
I am slowly slipping away from the real world and wanting this all to be a fantasy. I want to be loved but you can never force someone to love you or that will push them farther away. Men like Collin just want to know that no matter what, someone will always be there to catch them when they fall, but when it is your […]
Depression hits us all, I think. There’s not a single person I have spoken to that hasn’t felt it’s clammy hands around their soul. It seems to be caused by many things, from big life changing events, to small things that just build up and knock a person off their feet eventually. Â I’ve had it time and and time again, but usually managing to shake it off like a wet dog. Â This time however, it’s crippled me.
I’ve seen death burn through a families hope, I’ve felt that pain. I got through it.
I’ve felt the devastation of a loved one no longer loving you. I got through […]
I’m feeling so down. All I want to do is laying in my bed, sleeping, crying and cutting. I know I have to go to therapy every monday till friday from 9 am till 3 pm, but I really don’t want to do ANYTHING right now. I’m getting more scared and paranoid every day. Getting scared that someone is following me, or wants to steal my bag or purse. That kind of stupid things. I want to evade them, so I stay inside as much as possible. But the only thing I really want besides wanting to die, is just laying in my bed, sleeping, […]
i wake up thinking about killing myself, i go through the days crying, wishing i wasn’t here. i don’t know how much longer i can deal with this. it’s fucking draining. i think about all the pros there’d be if i were gone; there are hardly any cons. it would just be so much better and easier for the people i care about. i feel like such a burden, i’m a failure too. i’ve been letting everyone down and i’m so sorry. all of my personal issues and disorders are getting worse and i’m scared. i’m so scared. scared of living this life. scared of […]