i’m in so much pain mentally.
can i tell you a secret? my best friend of 17 years raped and burned me with cigarettes while he was drunk. (you’re the first person i told) i have been cutting myself off and on since i was 9 because my cousin molested me until i was 12 and when i finally told them they said i was lying and i got slapped with being bipolar 2. i have one friend she is a complete ***** she doesn’t even care “it’s all about her” anyway. i am an introverted kind of person. i just turned 25 and i’m scared that […]
This lady came to my school today and talked about the dangers of dark magic. She talked about demon possession and how she was able to conjure spirits when she was in high school. I find it all entirely fascinating, but I am getting far too caught up in the dark world for it to be safe anymore. I feel constantly trapped in darkness and emptiness. I am never happy anymore. I have nothing to live for. I stopped using drugs and cutting nearly six weeks ago, and everything has grown worse, instead of better, since then. Everything is a constant battle. Far too often, […]
This feeling it hurts a lot I wish it would go away. Everyday I wake up pretending to be happy putting on a fake smile for everybody to see. I feel so alone and unwanted by everyone no one understands they or love me . Just tolerate me or push me to the side. I seem to cry every night the days are getting longer and I think that is if I hurt myself I would feel some type of real emotion. Or maybe just that one step into the street can end everything. Poof! I’ll be gone and life can continue like it always […]
I stayed away from Collin for a day. He told me to call and sure enough I did. What happened? He let it go to voicemail, he was testing me to see if I was still there. Possibly sitting around for him when I was not.
I am slowly slipping away from the real world and wanting this all to be a fantasy. I want to be loved but you can never force someone to love you or that will push them farther away. Men like Collin just want to know that no matter what, someone will always be there to catch them when they fall, but when it is your […]
How worthless someone can you make you feel. How you confess your undying love for them and they take advantage of that. How can someone do that? Someone you thought could never ever ever hurt you. Truth is, life is full of ups and downs, with dissapointments, the only thing that matters is how exactly you take that infromation and apply it to your everyday life.
I have been with my boyfriend for a year now (someone who I should not be with due to a bad influence: Weed, drugs, alcohol), recently he had gotten into an accident (DWI)Â I told him I loved him as soon […]
The thing I felt in the beginning was the control I had. Finally I found something where I, only I, had the control on. But now, after more than 1 year, I still do that thing, but it doesn’t give me control anymore. Actually I have totally no control on it. But still I’m doing it, because it gives me a good feeling. For a few seconds. Fight after fight, a battle with myself, got no control on it. It’s was the main reason why I was cutting in the begin. But now it’s not the reason anymore, because there’s no control anymore while cutting. […]
it’s been 17 fucking years.
in all honesty i can’t wait until it ends. 14 cuts this morning, more soon to come. starving myself, pulling out my hair. what a great way to spend my birthday.
anyway, im losing everybody, which is what i want even though it hurts. i dont want anyone to live for so i could finally just fucking die. my birth day isnt a happy day, i’d say its the worst day of my life tbh. all i want is a nice new pack of razor blades…..
I have been saving the blood from cutting. I keep it in a glass vile then use it as ink later. I find it a little morbid but cool! What do you think?
Slit your hips where no one can see
Your good girl image has a reputation to keep
Close the door and let it go
Do it quick so no one will know
Rush of adrenaline as blood spills
Thrill so deep it gives you chills
Blood whispers words you can’t tell
Because if you did they’d give you hell
Clean it up and cover the proof
No one deserves to know the truth
Scars fade and leave a memory
And recent events give you agony
So cut a little deeper
Bleed a little harder
Kiss your beautiful perfect blade
And find a place for her to hide away
Bring it out when you’re scared or lonely
Til then…
Put on a fake smile […]
This is it.
Day in, day out. Staring at the four walls of the room. Depression, Anorexia, they say i have.
Suicidal thoughts.
I’m sat in a mental health hospital, Tier 4, 7-day resident. I never leave.
I’ve been here for months, and now, months later, life is still the same.
I look at something and think, can i die using that?
I self harm, i cut, i burn, i don’t stop, razors, straighteners, on my skin, i don’t feel the pain.
I have scars, all over my body, each one telling a story, each […]
i cut myself
but i try to stop
i have a formal party next week and i can’t have scarfs..
but it seems like a scape way.. I’m frustrated I’m depressed all time It’s not healthy but being sad all day isn’t too
alcohol it’s another scape way but I’m 15 and my parents don’t know tha I drink.. and please I can’t be drunk or drinking all day I’m a teenager without money, in school time and I live with my parents
I’m only 16
I need cutting
maybe It’s time for help.. real help
(sorry if my english it’s bad.. I’m from Chile) […]
I just came out to my Dad tonight. I did not plan that at all. Came up totally unexpected. He came to talk to me because he noticed I was depressed and struggling and eventually things led to wanting to come out to him. I was so scared. I knew it was something I needed to do though. It took me so long to get it out. He’s a super conservative Catholic…so you can see why I would be scared shitless. He took it surprisingly calmly. But I don’t feel the relief I wish I had felt. I still feel like he doesn’t fully accept […]
I have been thinking about cutting my arm all day now. Thinking about how to bandage it, what angle to cut it, when and what to use. I miss these thoughts, but I feel like I am letting so many people down by considering them. My mind is in two as I think about cutting my flesh, I think about the look I would get from my mum, the look of inconvenience.
It’s winter, and wearing long sleeves isn’t a weird thing to do now. So hiding my wounds wouldn’t be as hard.
And to be honest, they don’t care. Even if they did notice my scars, […]
I feel like maybe I can actually do something for the good. I try to make everyone happy but at the end of the day I’m not. I feel bad for getting angry with myself for stuff I can’t control. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow with a smile on my face and feel better. I can only hope. I hope everyone is doing good tonight.
A close friend of mine did something similar to this on his page so I decided to try it too. The difference is I guess my suicidal thoughts and low self esteem started long before online friends or dating.
I grew up in a family of eight plus. We did foster care for two kids so there was sometimes an extra girl in the house. I was always biologically the oldest though. If you’ve grown up in a big family, then you probably understand where I’m coming from when I say it’s like survival of the fittest. And when the three oldest siblings are you […]
Last night was just an all around bad night. My girlfriend needed to go to the hospital and I offered to go with her, but she said “no” because I need to sleep for school, understandable. And then my boyfriend said he will go with and she jumped at the idea which honestly just bugged the shit out of me. I mean, how in the world did it make sense that she only wanted him with her. I just was so mad. And then again I was bothered because they just automatically assumed I will watch their 2 year old daughter. And yes, I know […]
I guess a good place to start would be the beginning but I don’t really know where that is. I guess as a kid I always struggled fitting in, I wasn’t the same as everyone else and that was noticeable from a youngish age, I was always bullied in school for being different and was always being physically abused by the other kids. No one ever believed me when I’d tell them what was happening and thought it was all my fault for being so different and started punishing myself for it. At the age of 10 I started cutting and didn’t know that it […]
I have been cutting since my 7th grade year. I don’t really know why I started  or what caused me to feel cutting was a good way out. All I know is that I used cutting as an escape for my pain which then turned to an addicting habit. A girl I knew, Raiyanne used to put small razor blades in her compact mirror and cut whenever she needed a release at school. I don’t know why I decided to cut but that became my way of doing it. My wrists are scarred up so bad from cutting that I’m not even sure how I […]
the hallucinations begin
the maggots crawling on my skin
searching for each fresh wound
wanting to bury deep inside
this dark rotting flesh
of mine
i cry
i only wish to rest
lying here is absolutely
no “good nightâ€
paranoia
filling my mind
drowning in sorrow and pain
this feeling won’t fucking go away
but i have no God
i can not pray
not for this night
nor for any other day.