im a female, will be 17 in august, maybe. My family just got a hold of some pictures of me smoking weed and that sparked them to search my room and found soooo much weed and bongs and bowls and lighters and stuff. They are furious and ashamed and they just found out all this other stuff about me to that you wouldnt want your parents to know. I know it doesnt sound like a big deal but my parents HATE me now. my parents arent speaking to each other, they are probably going to get divorced because they are blaming each other for my […]
I’m not quite sure if becoming a user of this forum is a means of an end or a coping method. At this point, it really couldn’t matter less.
One day, perhaps, I will fully disclose the ‘origin story’ (this phrase is funny to me, as if comparing the origins of my condition to the origins of a superhero’s powers); the entire tale of my descent into severe depression, my incessant and quite honestly obsessive thoughts of suicide that had lasted every day for a year, and my journey through psychiatric hospitalization. At one point, I had felt that these points in my life were important and […]
Reality is boring
real-life is boring
real-world is boring
not like movies, comics, novels, anime manga, video games !
also,
I hate Humans , Humans suck
I hate Human , Human suck
I hate Humanity, Humanity suck
I hate people , people suck
Most humans / people only think about Money ,
and this reality is boring !
reallife is boring !
realworld is boring !
people / humans are so shallow, superficial, stupid, ignorant
Humanity is hopeless
if there is God , then God is boring !
even Science is boring too !
Science fiction (Sci-fi) is much more interesting than real Science facts !
why […]
The word “invalid” fascinates me. Someone who is an invalid is somehow considered not valid; not worthwhile; not truly a whole person.
I feel invalidated by most people in my life. They simply don’t understand the physical and emotional struggle I face just to get through another hour; another day of this miserable life.
I am expected to help my mom because my dad just […]
Reading people’s reasons for being on SP, I feel in comparison, that I have very little to complain about. My childhood was mostly a very happy and stable time in my life.
I realise now though that the insular life we led was because Mum and Dad were so in love, that they only needed each other and that was enough for them. This doesn’t mean I didn’t feel they loved me, I always knew that. It’s just I grew up with a sense of exclusion, of being judged and constantly found wanting and just not being good enough. After going through counselling, I […]
Where? Where was God when the bastard my brothers call ‘dad’ was hurting me? Where was he when my brother’s hand was getting burned? When Mom was beating the shit out of me? When they took me from my brothers? When my best friend and Dad were dying? I don’t fucking know. I wish i did but I don’t. I wish I believed in him everyday. I wish Mom loved me. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts in my head. I wish so many things I can’t have. But most importantly… I wish i was dead, that i never existed. That Mom would have had […]
It’s almost 8 years to the day now when I got the call, that mom needed to come over to tell me something, and seated in the worn-out dingy couch on the porch, dark outside, the words spilling from her into me, something that could not be taken back, something final, a new reality shocked into me.
I remember somehow taking it so well, the determination to be strong overcoming any flirtation with falling apart or to pieces about it. It was his decision, and that’s what he did, he is no longer in pain, there’s nothing that can be done about it and we’ll […]
I’m 18 years old (19 in less than a month) and I have been depressed since I was 12. I grew up with my Mum and Dad but my Dad passed away in September 2010 when I was 13. I actually saw him disintegrate in the hospital and it’s literally the most traumatizing thing I’ve ever had to see and that image will stay with me for the rest of my life. He had Huntington’s disease and was unable to look after himself as it affects his speech, movement and eating, he also used to jitter constantly. In 2013 I got tested for the disease and […]
Dear Dad,
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I’m not what you want me to be. I’m sorry I have an attitude. I’m sorry that I keep dissapointing you.
I’m sorry that you hate me. I’m sorry I’m not perfect. I just can’t do this anymore– knowing that all I could ever do
is dissapoint you. All I can do is make you hate me even more than the minute before. I don’t know what to do anymore.
All that makes sense is ending the pain, ending your struggle and stress. Ending the problems that I’ve caused. I’m not a good person. I don’t even like myself, I understand […]
You make me feel so shit. You try to help me but you hurt me. You guys make me feel so depressed. You’ve killed my social life, my only respite from home, my only coping mechanism that seems to work without being overly self-destructive. How can I cope now?
No dad I cannot fucking talk to you, can’t you see?
Every time we talk I stutter. Can’t you see? I’ve never been comfortable around you guys, that’s why I’m always trying to escape. That’s why I do the things I do. It’s all to escape from you guys (mainly) and school.
You guys make me wanna kill […]
Why Dreams is better than reality?
Why is Dream better than reality?
Why is dreams better than reality? Why dream is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi / sci fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, MMORPG , Interstellar , The Matrix , Avengers , X-Men , etc etc, they are much more interesting, full […]
I’m so fucking fed up with everything right now. My parents are driving me fucking crazy by being goddamn indecisive and they won’t tell me what the fuck is going on. Why do you have to play this stupid game?! Why can’t you tell me what’s going on? Why can’t you try to help me instead of putting such pointless weight on me that I can’t do anything about. Stop it. JUST STOP IT!
I’m fucking depressed enough. I’m already batshit crazy and this doesn’t fucking help. It doesn’t help that I don’t have anybody to talk to. It doesn’t help that all of this makes […]
All my life I knew something was different about me… Maybe it was how self conscious I became when my parents couldn’t afford to have more than one or two outfits that fit me when I was little. Or maybe it was how hard my mom tried to make my brother and I happy, but my dad always tore her down.. Maybe it was my parents always being to busy to come to any of my school concerts and events? Maybe it was just me? All I know is that through it all, no matter who I have around me, trying to support me.. I […]
Well, I’m here and I will keep moving forward, yesterday I left my dad’s house, I plan on living with my mom from now on, don’t know for how long and don’t wanna think about it right now, my dad is kinda down, he suffers from “depression” (I think it’s like that, don’t know how to say it in English) so yeah… my departure made him feel very bad, and I keep blamming me for this, being responsible for someone’s sadness like that, that’s very heavy! I feel so… sellfish. I always cared for the others first but they can’t see or feel it and […]
Why movies are better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why movie is better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why reality is boring ?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality ( human’s fantasy is better than reality )
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, X-Men, Marvels & DC universe / movies , The Avengers , Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Naruto, Bleach, […]
I want to share with you a story about my father. I want to share it because my depression is deeply affected by my family relations. The pain and hurts created a Pretend Girl who has been so very sad, so very alone and so very confused. Geee, a build up like that, who could turn away? 😉 I also want to share it because I think we are here in this crazy world to help one another. I want to share my story/stories and if you see part that can help you, I’d be so glad. I am going to write, to publish, to […]
what do you think of life?…
has it treat you well?…
are you happy the way your life is?…
everyone knows that life is not perfect….
who knows……
is yours?
if it is then I’m happy for you..
if it is not then I do hope you find your way……
see ya…….
in the next life……
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
Born poor
Mom, drug addict
Dad, never knew him
Family support, what is family?
Passed through the system
Flushed down the drain
I never had a chance
Death was the only choice
It was never my fault
My final words…
Why the fuck did you have me, *****?