I just came across this site this afternoon. It’s actually the exact sort of place I had always looked for before, when the darkness always took over. Any time I googled anything about suicide, it was always for help, for “don’t do it” articles, for getting over depression. I realized somewhere along the way, this isn’t something you “get over”, it is always with us. True, it has been a while (less than a year…which is a very long time for me) since I’ve been there, drowning in that blood-red sea with no sign of hope on the horizon, but it’s still in me. I […]
Tag:
Darkness
I am leaving love around the corner with the heavens.
I am not an angel
Nor ever will be
I am something else from the darkness now.
I am leaving that side of myself where it was orignally from.
I will never be a princess
I will never be
Something that had love.
I am sorry I have failed
Memories are dead and gone, anyways
It doesn’t matter
I made a huge mistake, Tried to fix it, but I failed.
Will never be fixable ever again.
Isolation is who i was ever since
I don’t care anymore.
I don’t need help
I’m just tired of fighting for something i will never have… again
The stars have faded
and so has everything else.
Goodbye hopeless […]
I finally feel okay. For once in my life I don’t feel like the world is against me. I don’t feel happy as such but I am okay. Will this last? Or is it just today? Does this mean I could be getting better from my depression?
I’m no longer daddy’s little girl. The princess of his castle. There is no wonder left, no stories of wonderful lands and castles in far away places. Just the terrifying nightmares that haunt me in my sleep. The ones of innocence taken away, the ones of betrayal. Daddy stars in my nightmare and this time he brought friends. Because I have no hope of being successful there’s only one thing I’m good for now.
I stand lost in my nightmare with pain and sadness. I see myself shatter time and time again. And then suddenly I’ve had enough i can take no more pain. I don’t want to feel anymore so I […]
Have you ever dropped whatever you’re doing and just sat outside, staring at a full moon? I did. It was beautiful. So mesmerizing. To me, it somehow resembled hope. It was like the light at the end of a dark tunnel. It made me feel as if my pain is coming to an end. It gave me hope that there still is something beautiful out there. It gave me the guts to keep on fighting. It brightened up the darkness of the night. It was weird. An inanimate object gave me more hope than a human ever could. I guess silence really does speak after […]
Married mother of two with the nice house, white plastic fence, and a dog. I was sexually,mentally, and verbally abused most of my childhood and emotionally abused throughout my pregnancies. I’ve been broken way too many times and the thoughts of everything that happened to me won’t stop haunting me. I tried to kill myself a few months ago with liquor and 90 flexeril, I counted every single one I sadly didn’t succeed. I’m trying the whole happy pill and therapy crap, I’ve been on four different kinds of pills and I get seen four times a month and I just feel sad and […]
Life is just luck of the draw
I wish I was luckier. Life has been going down hill for such a long time, and honestly I’m not sure I can endure.
I’m growing so tired, even my health is declining. I feel so sick, and I’m only 18
Life doesn’t seem to hopeful, and its not just because I’m young,
everything in this world is controlled by might, by power, and I, have no power
Sure, everything is in the mind, illusion and manipulation, but honestly I’m so tired
This world is full of the mindless, the uncaring and ignorant
So many horrible things are […]
Song I’m listening to right now.
I’ve done alot since my last post. I’m being usually creative. My friends are wowed and my parents are impressed. I’m not. It won’t matter in a few years anyway. No matter how many photos I snap or how hard I work the garden, how many times I do simple things to make my and others lives better I’m still unhappy. Even though a smile is weakly plastered on my face. I’m pushing myself to the limits before I die.
No matter if a happy event comes to me or not I will say this. That fear has […]
“I’d wish to never rememberâ€
“It just hurts every time I doâ€
“Every one had moved on…
                                 Why can’t I…?â€
Afraid to be loved
cuz I know that love isn’t for me
Afraid to be loved
cuz all I do is hurt
Being rushed
cuz I know they’ll leave just like that
All the memories of the good
Taunts me every day
Two to three years wasn’t anything
AÂ long distance
Terrified
I sinned
My guilt
My regret
I wasn’t patient enough
Forgive and forget
Easier said then done
I broke his heart
It was my mistake
I wanted him the most
I wanted Angel to come and rescue me
But no he didn’t
He couldn’t
He wanted to be with his friends more
Than to be with me
I came back […]
Something that I once built
As a set of goals and fixed opportunities
Protected my whole life
Been destroyed
By the conflicted torments
All that I did
I still couldn’t do anything to fix it
Because every time I tried to touch those pieces
They would just tremble into dust
Every aspect of broken pieces crumbled
At the tip of a tiny touch
As I walked through the kingdom once again
Felt like a hatred soul had woken up
Followed the same route
Protected the key with just nothing but darkness
Dug up a hole in the very pit of the soul
Tried so hard to not get close again
Tried so hard not to act the same again
Forcefully doing so
Challenged everything
Changed […]
Yesterday was nothing but a dream
It never really happened
When I look outside the window I see nothing but a nightmare
The dreams that I once accepted are now all gone
Just a faded memory
The only time that I’ll wake up from this nightmare
When my prince will come and rescue me
From this prisoned darkness.
The blackest of them all
AÂ pit where infinity goes on forever
AÂ melt down
An angel that will carry me off
Carry my heart with them.
I already miss that feeling.
Darkness and the enemy has taken me away for a long time
It was such an adventure but now
IÂ just want to feel safe
Feel protected
And feel loved
Feel accepted
I want my broken wings to be fixed
IÂ already learned my […]
Random Reminiscing , cos’ I let mom read the instructions..
(just like the bubble gum components being molded by our mouth, exchanging places to nowhere )
My clothes, school books, mags, and other toys for big men were designated to be inherited by my close relatives. I really thought she would be happy when she realizes my breathing identity is about to disappear from this lively planet, instead she scolded me, saying I had to help my brothers raise their family. So I wondered again, Am I really just the one selfish? or does it just runs in the family? Nah, we were programmed both from our […]
This is my first entry on this site; so, instead of giving an elongated sob story about how much my life sucks and appears to be in the sh*tter, I figured I’d give it a different spin to, hopefully inspire those who feel they’ve hit rock bottom. However, I won’t do the complete opposite by telling people to suck it up and take it like a man because I feel everyone has trials and tribulations of varying degrees that I cannot entirely comprehend or judge. Ultimately, we’re all different, and the one thing people on this site have in common that I wholeheartedly […]
Anyone else able to feel when the “darkness” is starting to come in??
Seems like I always get these headaches just before it gets real “dark” in my world.  So, I guess this is gonna be another crappy week.
And does anyone else here who did legit ODing suffer from really bad headaches since they OD’d???  Seems like I never really had headaches before, but now I get them a lot.
We all come with baggage of insecurities, fears, shortcomings, emotions. We all feel, that’s what makes us Human. But…some of us are born with something extraordinary, an ability to feel a lot stronger. It’s a gift and a curse. When we are happy, others can’t comprehend how happy, but when we are engulfed by darkness, we feel miserable enough to die. I speak from the inside perspective, and it really isn’t easy to live with. Sometimes, I look at the sky from somewhere high up, and am ready to reach for the heaven and jump. Other days, I feel so powerful, like i can do […]
I’m not here to judge or talk you out of cutting, overdosing, or other means of escaping. Primarily because i myself have been through it all and still am. My life has been a constant shove here and there for me to pick up the blades i keep in my makeup bag. Scars dont bother me, the pain can be grown accustomed to. I have heard just about every cliche from people who swear they want to help. I am not a reject and have always done well in school and outside. I have friends and am not a total failure as a girl. But […]
Please just give me a Chan Marchall eulogy
If I was ever anything at all, it’s all breaking news to me
Breaking down in a rage, just to apologise
It’s really so strange watching all these strangers sigh
It feels like I’m living through my last days every day
On your strongest of days, you couldn’t make me feel any less insane.
Wish the ongoing theme about me, wasn’t “He’s just crazy”
Wish I knew safety
Wish nothing phased me
Wish I felt more than just feelings of unrest
Wish the darkness didn’t cloud me
Wish I wasn’t an emotional wreck
—
I don’t think I’ll be able to relate to any song more than […]
Hi usually I visit here when I am preparing myself to get of this roller coaster joke called life.
I have had a few good rants and read others rants and sad stories.
I have succeeded in alienating my self from all my friends and most of my family . As was planned so I could just slip away.
I have problems with who I am. As I am gay oriented (maybe bi ) male brought up in a gay hateful environment I have grown up to be very homophobic myself. How this relates to me Is I hate myself for being gay. While I […]
lately, my mind has been on its own. what i want is not what it wants. i want to be happy, carefree, an no longer adding heart ache to others cuz of my complaining. i want to be the one that people go to. i want to be the one everyone talks bout in a positive way. i want to say im not depressed. i want this and that but my mind is addicted. addicted to the sadness ive felt for so long. it always thinks negatively either upsetting my friends or causing harm to myself, sometimes its both. i wish to wake up one […]
                                                                   Nothing
                                               I rip my heart open to see who i am
                                                    a void of darkness engulfs me
                                                             i see nothing
                                                             i feel nothing
                                                             i am nothing
                                             i stare at the mirror with the deepest regret
                               i should of done something about it but now im nothing
                                               i cry and cry until i have a thorght
                                                        i dont belong here
                                                              i dont exist
                                                  at the corner of my eye i see
                              a sharped edged blade glimmering in the moon light
                                 i pick it up and take a last look at myself before
                                                            i slice my wrist