It has come to my attention that my disease is never going away. It is incurable. I’ve recently talked to a woman that is now 83, who has been on pills for this since she was 18. I’m 16. Never again can i spend the night, spur of the moment. If i miss too many pills they tell me my body will go into shock. That’s nice. I’m worried about my future, can i even have a child? I’ve researched that it may be complicated, depending. I have a higher chance for getting cancer. I have a chance of going blind. All these nice little […]
Really, what’s so great about this world anyways? All I see are a bunch of people who have too many worries to be bothered with some suicidal girl, and I don’t blame them, I wish I could be one of them but I’m not. I’m just a repulsive, hard to love, self harming, suicidal girl. I’m no one special or anyone that will be truly missed. Can someone come and stab me to death, please? It would be much appreciated.
Just waiting the sweet moment when a finaly get out of this place i just can remember or imagine i asked to be at.
Hoping that´s dont take to long.
Hoping that´s dont be with to much suffering, no because i´m afraid to suffer, in a fact is there something more painfull than be alive? This hope come from certainty all this is just a waist of time anyway.
When this feeling started? I just can´t remember and i dont even care about it.
Maybe in small things, small people, small everything…
Dead sweet dead, make no alarm, no sound, no signal… just come here and do your f…… ¨ […]
Driving home last night from a casual party with old friends, I had to laugh. What would they say if they found out that I, the charming, funny, positive guy who was so full of life, slammed his car into a bridge overpass at 82 mph because he couldn’t take the pain of life a minute longer?
In the car at 3 am with no other soul as far as I could see, I shouted as loud as I can, until my voice blew out and there was just a dry rasp left in my throat. It didnt do a damn of good. I pounded the […]
It isn’t my intention to hurt anyone, and I apologize in the case that I actually do. Let’s just face it, I’m not cut out for living. I can’t do things right, I’m useless to my parents, I’m only someone to make fun of, and I’m just hated by a lot of people.
My mom, Kathy, she constantly makes remarks proving just how useless I am. For example, we would walk into the Air Force Academy Clothing Sales store, she would see those stupid “My daughter goes to the Air Force Academy†bumper stickers, and she would make the comment: “I wish I could put that […]
It took all i had to make this. I couldn’t be any more proud. Days are still hard but I’m happy I reached this point.
Is it normal… to look in the mirror and not see yourself in the reflection?
Having been so caught up in everyone’s “expectation†of you. To have completely lost yourself trying to be what everyone else wanted you to be?
Every night you dream of this life, you could NEVER have, but every day you long for it.
You have all these hopes… dreams… ideas… that you want to fulfill but just not enough time to do so.
Then you go to sleep… still having yet to achieve anything extraordinary in your life, waking up in the morning realizing your one day closer to […]
I cant stop crying. Why has everything changed!
I’m back to this rotting heap that is my mind and body.
I wish my body were rotting, maybe then it wouldnt be so fat and gross.
New relationship? Â How can I have a good relationship with someone if I cant have one with myself.
I hate everything about this me.
I cant take a deep breath without tearing up,
I cant shower without a razor to my skin,
I cant sleep without dreaming of darkness and I cant smile without a stabbing pain within.
When did my life end and this nightmare begin?!
Knowing how you paint your eyes..
Many colors in disguise.
You may blink once or twice..
But you’ve grown up way too fast..
And in a blink of an eye you’ve died.
Maybe enough of us get set up to hold a color in your eyes.
To late to live a simple life..
You get what you get..
And still can’t lift the blinds.
You can push me out on a limb..
But who will catch me..
If I can’t see to climb.
Like you..
If I’m blind like you..
Seeing only lies.
All I need is a time between the lines of grey..
In your dark dismay.
I’m slipping back into depression. For the first time in months I deliberately took a razor to skin and edged it in. The familiar slice and twinge offered a precious moment free of the past that haunts me. It felt so GOOD. So tremendously good. My wrist is aching for a gash right now, but I can’t. My wrists are clean. Under my clothes isn’t so pure. It’s the only thing that offers freedom from pain, and I can only imagine that deeper cuts and a tub of warm water would offer all the more bliss. I can’t. I can’t kill myself, can’t and won’t. […]
It’s been such a long time
Since I’ve felt this stinging sensation
Of ice cold metal and lurid fascination.
Deep down inside, I know it’s wrong of me.
But you don’t see, and that’s okay.
Where do you go from here?
When there’s nowhere to go but down.
Lost within the confines of your mind.
Oh sweet insecurities and deafening possibilities
Of how everything could end…
How would you say goodbye?
To the ones who stood by your side,
Who you thought always hated you
And left you with your crippled self?
How would feel on the day
What more do you have left to say?
The […]
Has anyone ever kept years worth of emotion bottled up to the point where you’re afraid to release it anymore? to the point that you feel every ounce of rage you can muster suddenly flare whenever the slightest thing irritates you?
This is my third post. It’s been a couple weeks since my last and I’ve gotten a bit better; my first two posts would’ve persuaded any psychiatrist I was ready and willing to commit suicide. I’ve gotten better. Things have started looking up a bit. But that pain still lingers. And with it, an anger I can’t even begin to describe. All my life I’ve […]
I like to take things a part. Analyze. When things start to look ugly I want to look away. Disappear perhaps just for a little while. During these times I’m terrified of everything especially Drs and hospitals. So I’ve never stayed or sought out help. I have often found myself growing fond of these dark thoughts. Viciousness seems to craft itself in slow motion for my viewing and I look at it like artwork. I believe that those who crawl up from rock bottom are stronger. To jump high you must crouch low. Anger is funny, sadness beautiful.
Ever since I can remember I have never been happy, I have always plastered on a smile to easy other peoples minds, to make it seem like I’m not bothered by my small wasted life. I’m drained, for years I have been fighting off suicidal thoughts but now it’s getting to hard, I don’t want to die, it will fuck up my family and friends but at the same time I can’t hold on for much longer, nothing I do helps, I go to every doctor to get anti depressants I’m scared of doing it, I’m scared of not doing it and living I’m scared […]
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
im 16, All my life ive been depressed an alone. I’m not military family, but I’ve moved around a lot like every 2 or 3 years or less and so now I’m in a permanent place untill I’m 18 or so and ive never had friends and if I did they betrayed my trust ive just been alone my whole life and I’m bullied at school for not having any friends and being a loner ive cut many times and I just don’t know what to do anymore the emptyness and darkness I’m feeling is just driving me crazy.
Well, I don’t know how to exactly go about this. I’ve never told exactly what happened to me to a lot of people….but I guess I can start now. This may be long to some people and for that, I am sorry. If you don’t want a sad story about a dying girl, I would move on. Well….here we go.
I was raised in a small town in the midwest. I’ve gone to the same schools my whole life. My life was good. Everyone’s is for awhile. Then, something changed. 6th grade changed everything.
I had always been bullied. By a girl here and there, a boy […]
The blood drops and
The knife rips
My skin screams as
The pain seeps
One for my mother
One for my father
When I bleed out
Will life go faster?
I can’t deal
And this makes in real
Not to deep, my
Life to keep
In my room, I sit quite
Red wounds scream silent
My eyes close and
I fall into darkness
dose anyone feel like its the end like its the end i dont know how to desrcibe it but i feel really nervous about everyhting and i realzie iam a huge fuck up will i ever get my shit right ever i dont want to go on here and sound like a huge big baby but honstley i think iam getting to the point were iam ready there are certain things i have to do to get ready but idk it really dosent scare me as much as other people i mean its going to happen to evryone anyways so yea i just know iam […]