I’ve lived with anxiety and depression all my life. The only reason I’m still here is because of the love I have for my mom. Recently I have found myself in some serious trouble. To the point that I have lost everything I’ve worked for. I’ll be homeless, carless,jobless, pennyless, and loveless. Just a week ago I had all that. I made the mistake to drink and drive. As a out of state truck driver trying to move from AZ to NY to be with a woman whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Of course my dark thoughts got […]
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deal
I’m bulimic. Yes I use laxatives, enemas, diuretics, I self induce vomiting and I binge on food. So what! I’m so sick and tired of everyone making it in to a big deal saying I don’t need to lose weight that I’m not fat I am they are just trying to keep me fat so they feel better about there below par bodies. Its not my fault they are determined to drop weight. And I’m sick of them trying to “warn me” that it would kill me. If I wanted to live FAT then yea I would stop but no I want to be perfect. I wan to […]
I’ve only been to one therapy session before. It was rather recent–maybe two or so weeks ago. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I made the appointment in a moment of desperation (I tried to interact with a person and it didn’t exactly work out). I though that instead of crying and cutting over it, I would be appropriate and handle my porcelain emotions carefully and not break myself. As soon as I called to make the appointment, I found out that I had to wait like 3 weeks. I lost it after I hung up and ended up cutting myself, […]
So this will be a first for me I come from a family run by my father and he’s to type to not seek help for shit and my mother wouldn’t cross him so I’ve always felt keeping everything bottled up is better I have a feelin this will get long so to anyone that wants the short before hand it basically goes im 27 male been depressed for to many years to count now never been on meds or seening someone about it or even really talked about it before in my earlier years have made 3 different attempt on my life […]
Time to go
I leave behind 2 minor children
They are my world……. I am tired of being tired….. tired of waking up everyday to the guilt of my misdeeds of past…….. tired of people saying they understand or just shake it off
tired of always being angry and full of hate I would rather be dead if than to continue to live this way
if you dont know the pain it is hard for you to understand
I am devastated for what my kids will have to deal with but I could no longer go on
Falling in love is great, but that’s just it, it’s the falling that’s fun. The air in your face as you free fall into the glorious euphoria that is opening yourself up to someone and trusting them completely, but nobody thinks about after the fall, the landing. You crash face first into the ground and you’re broke. Someone once said that love is not kind, well I say that love hurts, but even with that hurt and that pain, you still have to remember the fall and all the happy memories, and you can fix yourself, but it’ll take time, but eventually you’ll fall again. […]
I’m 46. I’ve lived half of my life already. I’ve been reading through some of the posts, getting an idea of the thoughts – no surprises really. I have been in the place I am now for about 9 months, and off and on over the last 31+ years. That’s a long time to carry burdens.
I do have grown children. Children. The big debate. I did read a post from someone left behind who in an obvious state of anger blamed the departed for leaving them behind selfishly. I have to say there is absolutely no way to assure those that will be left behind […]
This is my last post, if everything goes well (or horribly wrong, depends on how you see it I guess).
I’m gonna end things this week since some events happened that made me realize the more I prolong things, the worse it’s for me and everyone around me who have to deal with my sorry ass.
I haven’t told anyone but I felt I should just post a little something here. I don’t know.
Anyway. I hope you all the best, whatever the best means for you.
Goodbye
I know the word “cope” implies that there is a method in which we can deal with our problems but I am really just asking what is it that you use to help ease the pain of life with?
For me I suppose it would be Anime & Manga, music too of course. There really is no coping though, just small moments of reprieve…
Why is it so hard to be happy with your life?
People always say you should be happy and blessed that you’re even alive. Really?
I find my life to be so stressful and horrible. I find it so hard to be happy. I always worry about my future. Then I consider suicide and it makes me feel better. Like I don’t have to deal with anything or anyone anymore. I would go into my life details, but there’s no point really.
I guess I can say the only reason I want to live is for other people, but is that how it should be?
How can I make […]
Mental Health Week ends today in my country. I am very lucky to live in a country that is pretty accepting of mental health issues but even with it’s national recognition on media and such, I can tell you that I still continue to have stigma placed upon me from first hand experience. For instances, I was tricked into disclosing my health issues during a job interview and it was so obvious from what the lady said, wrote and acted after I did disclose my mental health problems that I wasn’t going to get the job. I stupidly tell people that I am feeling suicidal […]
I thought I could come to college and settle in and not want to go home til thanksgiving break. But no, I had to get a rude room mate, be told i don’t belong here, and deal with depression that everything is causing. This weekend I’m’m going to visit home but I’m starting to wonder if ill end up coming back to college. I’ve been doing class and homework nonstop since I came here and I’m taking 20 units. My volleyball coach is mad cuz I’m not doing well in practice and I’m not going to the gym. I haven’t had time because of […]
Well I don’t want to make a big deal about this, I just wanted to let it out. but it just hurts me when people use me. I know I let it happen to myself but the people that I thought I loved are the ones using me. You’d think you were finally happy and you finally had someone you could lean on.. But nope. In just five seconds they turn on you and you’re left alone.. I wish I had someone who I know would never drop me.
Nothing works. medication after medication each one with worse side effects, more medication to deal with those side effects, I’m getting more and more sick and the doctors do fuck all. I’m so pissed off with everything I can’t even put it into words. I’ve got worse and worse, I’m less independent and worse off than I was at 16. Ten years of shite. I stopped taking all meds last night, I give up, I won’t do this anymore. I want to feel alive one last time before I end it all. But before I go, there will be retribution. Those who wronged me are […]
It’s been a few weeks since I have posted, and have come to the conclusion that it’s everyone else that’s screwed up and not me.
I’m convinced that whilst I may have my failings (needy and insecure) I’m actually a nice person.
Intervention by my doctor and local crisis team have helped a great deal, and my meds have been increased significantly. Got a testing few weeks ahead of me but that light at the end of the tunnel is now a lot bigger than a pinhole.
Have discovered an amazing singer recently too (Blossom Dearie) and would recommend that anyone in crisis should youtube her and just […]
Hello everyone, I’m 35, and I had deal with my fair share of depression since my teen years, but the crises didn’t last for long, but two years ago my mother passed away from cancer, my brother and I took care of her trough the whole disease it lasted for two years being the last 3 months of her life the most miserable ones, I tried to prepare myself to deal with her dying and the mourning phases but it has been already two years and the sadness keeps creeping up, it has been almost a month in which I have seriously contemplated the idea […]
Everything has caught up to me again and I am once again obsessed with putting a bullet in my brain. I should have seen it coming – I’ve let things build up. Old ghosts, a recent death of someone once more important to me than life itself, old pain and new pain. The shit has piled up on me and I am suffocating.
I should know better. I should deal with things as they come. But I just can’t. I don’t have that much control over my own life. I am such a useless piece of crap to myself and to everyone around me. It doesn’t […]
I cannot sleep…. I keep thinking about what someone said to me “no one gives a ish”….
No one cares and to have no one in your corner ,hurts. I tried telling a friend a few minutes ago that I still deal with depression and cannot get rid of these sucidal thoughts, And just said ” i thought you wasn’t going to go to that place no more”? Like really…. if i could really had a choice to feel the way I do don’t you think I would choose not to be feeling sucidal, depressed and lonely all the time…Damn, I do wanna be happy but I […]
I have a huge heart and helped out the man I was/am in love with by helping him buy a car. Since we purchased it in February, excuse me, since I, he has given me very little for it. Something else came up so he talked me into getting a title loan on it for him. The car is all in my name and he wants me to tag it…which means everything will continue to be in my name. I want out from under it. It was suppose to be a few month deal and he’s doing nothing to change it. We currently are friends […]
This pain I’m having needs to stop already I can’t sleep it feels as if someone put a knife through me the pain. I’m having is sharpness just when will it ever end my damn scoliosis is such a bother n I feel as if I can’t really enjoy life I know I have appointments to see doctors for them to help me n shit but I can only wait so long till my breaking point. It’s such a ***** to deal with I cry when I’m alone n when my friends or family r around I hide my feeling I don’t want them to […]