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Enough

by bchrisst

Why is it so hard to be happy with your life?

People always say you should be happy and blessed that you’re even alive. Really?

I find my life to be so stressful and horrible. I find it so hard to be happy. I always worry about my future. Then I consider suicide and it makes me feel better. Like I don’t have to deal with anything or anyone anymore. I would go into my life details, but there’s no point really.

I guess I can say the only reason I want to live is for other people, but is that how it should be?

How can I make myself happy even with the thought of suicide in my head? Seems so impossible. Sometimes I just want to end it all. Fuck it all.

19, m, FL

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2 comments

The Mad Hatter 10/13/2014 - 7:58 pm

As far as I see it, there is no ‘how it should be’, there’s just how it is for each person. I’m living for other people – my boyfriend, my friends and family are the only reason I’m still here, and that’s not to say I haven’t tried to end it before.
As for living with suicidal thoughts, finding a good councillor can help a lot, its helped me. Finding a good councillor can be a ***** and working things out with them is slow and tough but dont give up.
All the best dude.

sere 10/16/2014 - 3:30 am

i relate to how you feel for sure. how oddly comforting researching suicide methods can feel. i am really ptsd triggered today due to unexpected money crisis and have spent the evening finding ways to be dead. i wish the way i want to die was more effective….ah well.

anyway i too have hesitations about what the impact might be on people i know, although i can’t say i feel close enough to anyone for me to feel it would be a huge deal, i still would rather it not be a thing to them….been wondering if i stopped taking my thyroid meds would my heart stop or would i become hypothermic…

but really i dont; want to be dead just feel not so terrible. hell i can live without being happy, just not trapped in hell please. just not so overwhelmingly tired and poor and sick and ptsd triggered.

i hope you found a way to feel less terrible.

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