I’ve been thinking a lot lately about life and everything that goes in it. I have come to find that when we focus too much on everything that is going on at a time when things seeem to there darkest, it is very hard to see the light. However, if we take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at things from a different prospective everything seems to change and we see things differently.
Sometimes you just have to look at it from a new pair of eyes and see a different prospective.
I cant stop crying. Why has everything changed!
I’m back to this rotting heap that is my mind and body.
I wish my body were rotting, maybe then it wouldnt be so fat and gross.
New relationship? Â How can I have a good relationship with someone if I cant have one with myself.
I hate everything about this me.
I cant take a deep breath without tearing up,
I cant shower without a razor to my skin,
I cant sleep without dreaming of darkness and I cant smile without a stabbing pain within.
When did my life end and this nightmare begin?!
the last time i will see the sun come up as i wake
the last time i will look in my closet for what to wear
the last time i kiss my mother goodbye on the way to school
the last time i walk the halls of the murders that killed my confidence
the last time i wave goodbye to my best friend as im getting off the bus
the last time i will greet my younger brothers home from school
the last time i will help with dinner and dishes
the last time i call my dad to tell him i love him
i now dress in my finest clothes
i get the […]
It doesn’t hurt to grow up poor. It doesn’t hurt when your daughter is born with medical problems. It doesn’t hurt not being there when your father died. It doesn’t hurt not being there when your step-father died. It doesn’t hurt when you sacrifice happiness for duty. It doesn’t hurt having your dog put down. It doesn’t hurt not being there when your grandmother died. It doesn’t hurt not being there when your “other†mother died. It doesn’t hurt not being there when your uncle died. It doesn’t hurt when you sacrifice happiness for others. It doesn’t hurt watching others destroy what you built. It […]
I need too really clear my  head of the thoughts of suicide that are running threw my head. I had a plan too go when I got home and the only reason I am staying here is because I am still in love with my ex boyfriend and he said he was coming too visit me and even though he hasn’t told me when I am still going too hold on until that happens I am sick of being in this unhappy relationship with the guy I am with now. with him I do not feel happy I feel very invisible and he does not […]
I stood outside the window as the wind and cold played its part in making me numb enough to watch him cheat. I had just gotten home after I had been in the hospital for 2 weeks, and had gone to visit him to see what project had kept him busy enough to only allow him the time to see his ill girlfriend once during her time in the hospital.
I heard her moaning as I approached the door, and naturally I had to see with my own eyes, so I peered into the window with the slit in the curtains.
It was her, a […]
one of the reason i am depressed is because i hate my job (who doesn’t right?) so i have decided that after one month in hell, I will quit my job. I had a nasty argument with my mother about it. She didn’t want me to leave the job because everyone she knows thinks it is a good job.. a good comfortable job. they don’t know the other end of it. I feel so miserable I get panic attacks I started to feel depressed and I am really stressed out. I lost so much weight the clothes that I ordered online that couldn’t even pass through my […]
i swear i breathe through my scars, so often i hold my breath til they’re open.
that sigh,
the deep breath.
that relief…
if ending it feels like that, i don’t know why i’m afraid.
Read this sentence, then close your eyes, take a deep breath and relax……Don’t worry. You are highly intelligent and as long as you stay focused on what you want to do and how you want to live, you will find a way to accomplish these things. You have a tendency to worry more than you need. I’m sure everything will be different and disorienting at first, but you’ll be back to your personal routine in no time. I am always here 919 381 2658. I don’t want you to risk contacting me anymore than is necessary, but know that I am always here and nothing […]
It’s been a while…
A long while, actually… over a year. People still respond to my last post, which means I have helped over 1,000 people that were considering suicide…
But tonight I write to you in distress. Yes, I too, though a survivor, have many struggles.
Today is my 19th birthday, and I’m alone.
I have been drinking, and thinking much more than is healthy.
I have lost so much… yet I am needed here. It hurts, and I know I’ll get through this, but at times… you just need to vent.
Take a deep breath… think of what has driven you to this […]
I’ve been waiting to die a horrific death ever since I was six. I would pray that during thunderstorms, I would be struck by lightning and go into a c0ma. I knew that my family was to poor to keep me in the coma and they would just let me die. It has never happened but I am very jealous of the people who get hit and survive. What a waste of a lightning strike. Every time I stepped into a car, I hoped a drunk driver would swerve directly into my side of the car leaving everyone unharmed but me. That’s why I refuse to wear a seat-belt, […]
Okay, Rain. Its been a long day. You can still do this though. You can still spare your life tonight. Just 3 more hours until this day ends..just three. And then you can regather whatevers left of your strength and try again. Just watch the blood leak down your arm and over your forsaken wrists..and and stop holding your breath. Today is basically over…just 3 more hours..please..hang in there…hang in there
about year and a half ago today, i was still traveling ireland. I was in strandhill in co mayo, its build on the beach and is one of the best surf spots in all of ireland, I managed to hitch a ride there with some lovely polish girls and arrived at about 5:30 or dawn anyway.
I walked down onto the beach and just sat back and relaxed, i just let the sound of the ways breaking off the beach block out all other noise and i was for a time at peace. A perfect moment.
Suddenly a girl sits down next to me. about my age, […]
Consistent with my usual run of luck, I was laying out my gas-bag stuff and dropped my regulator/flow gauge and snapped off and broke my flow gauge. Since you cannot do the job correctly without it, now I have to go out hunting for one on Saturday. More frigging expense out of money I don’t have.
If it was not for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. :)Â <deep breath>
DR
i drag myself from my bed, from the warmth of my room, from the safty of my house. and go to what i call my living hell. i pull up. park my car take a deep breath and put a fake smile on my face. all i think is i dont belong in the day light. i walk through the halls full of liers and perverts, bullies and bitches and think to myself. i cant wait for college.
walking down the hall. my music blasting.. i look up.. and see your eyes.. the eyes that i used to love. and now every time i look into […]
I always hurt the ones i love. I have created a character, a personality, and the world is my stage.
“The world is a stage and we are merely actors” or something like that, it’s by shakespear or someone else old and famous…
I’m never me. Yes, I’m an actor, but outside of that, I’m to different people. As soon as I walk outside, I’m a different person, take a deep breath, time to put on a show. One in which I’m an annoying singing girl who talks a lot, listens to goth and emo music, and uses words that are to big for most people […]
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