I do not know what to do, what to think. I truly do believe that my husband does not want me around anymore even though he tries to make fighting arguments that he loves me and that he wants me to be here. I am having by far the worst time in my life and he can’t even be there how he used to be. He used to be so patient. Do entirely blame him for it though. He has gone through a lot with me in the last almost 4 years of being together, a year and a half of being married and 11 […]
Since I was about three years old I was told my life would be become better for the events that played out later.
My parents split when I was three (no I am not heartbroken about it, I have not talked it him in almost 15 years). I was told that my life would take a step in a better direction now that a toxin was gone.
I was sexually and physically assaulted when I was five. No one in my life found out until I was 12/13 because hell at the time I didn’t even know what that was. It was my mom’s boyfriend at the […]
Yes, the actual Earth is beautiful, blah, blah, blah… That’s like telling a maid she should be thrilled busting her back, because she gets to work in somebody else’s big mansion, everyday.
Anybody else want to kill themselves, not just because they’re depressed, but because they think the whole process of human life is shitty? The whole process of being a human, everyday, is just unbearably dull?
I’ve been depressed, before. This time, it’s different. This time, I’m just sick of this crap. It goes far beyond a feeling of simple boredom, just as depression goes far beyond a feeling of being simply sad.
I’m speaking of the […]
I continuously wonder what I did wrong to deserve all of this pain. I’m so sorry for whatever it is, I pray to god (not literally, I’m not religious) that one day I’ll have been through all of the pain I can and will finally be happy, something I’ve never gotten, if this emotional, mental and somewhat physical suffering doesn’t kill me first.
Im a new member and I discovered this website a few days back and I was reading through some posts and I was able to relate.
and yes I’m a cutter. the first time I did that was when I was 15 and now I’m 18
I’ve stopped cutting after a year and recently got back into it really badly. I know its not a good thing and I’m aware of it but it’s frustrating when you have no one to actually support you and know how you feel ( I don’t trust school counselors) no one in the family knows I’ve started again (this time I […]
A – What is expected of us. Something deemed easy to get as long as you try.
B – Good. Decent. Try a bit harder next time.
C – Didn’t you studying? Why aren’t you trying?
D – What’s wrong with you.
F – You failure.
Why is it, that our entire lives, are based off these five letters? Why can a grade make or break your entire future? Why do we spend 12 years of our life stressing over how important these letters our, only to learn that they don’t matter so much once we’re in the ‘real world’?
Because no matter what, letters on a paper are just that. […]
I believe I am apart of a minority of people. I suffer depression and anxiety, but I am far too caring to kill myself. I couldn’t do that to my family. I’ve tried antidepressants, they did nothing. Someone I know from school recently went into a Mental Hospital and I am angry. She is in there because 3 months ago, her friend killed himself. She knows the reason as to why she feels so bad. I have no idea why I feel like this. My life is good, better than many. I am not ungrateful nor am I selfish, but I hate being alive. I […]
Feel like a piece of shit, like no one really cares, and I just need to be dead. That way, everyone else will be happy.
I’ve been coming to this site for a while but just now decided to join. I just wanted to get it all off my chest…
I’ve been feeling utterly depressed and alone. It got to the point that I wanted to end it all. I told the clinic I go to and they got me an emergency appointment. I met with her and then met with my regular therapist. I don’t know though…
I still feel so down. I made plans to try out a sort of social group. It’s some kind of art group. I like to draw so I just thought I’d try it out. […]
Wished I ended it that first night I joined. Life doesn’t get better, it’s just a lie. Funny how people say suicide is selfish, what is selfish is them expecting someone to continue living a life of pain because they want them to. You say family, friends, community get hurt… Fuck them they don’t give a shit about me. No matter how hard I try, it is not good enough in their eyes. We live in a fucked up society and world, fake people smiling…. They are the ones who need real help. I’m done….. I’m done living this fucked up life in this fucked […]
Living this way is drowning. You’re dying, your legs are getting tired, your arms are getting slower. Your breathing is ragged, your mouth is full of water. It’s like a sped up battle for your life, flailing and gasping, heart pounding, ears ringing, the cold, while at the same time everything is in slow motion. It seems to stop. Or it doesn’t stop at all. It just stays there. You’re dying, but you never stop. It never ends. You keep taking that last gasp all over again. You keep dying. But you never die.
Every time I try to write a note I just keep writing […]
It’s like the plague, eventually it will consume us, some people survive, while the rest of us die in misery, people avoid us, […]
You think it’s easy?
I would love to see you put yourself in my shoes, to feel my pain, my insecurities…my loneliness
You can’t say ” get over it..its easy” or ” you’re overreacting “
Please..having depression or any mental illness isn’t easy or fun…If I could get over it i would!
You think it’s easy not being able to speak for myself without panicking? or being happy then suddenly feel down?..or so down you consider taking your own life?…
you think it’s so easy? Be me for one day..just one and see if you don’t change the […]
I can hold a knife to my wrist or a pillow to my face, and sometimes I feel I will. I just want to make mine and other peoples lives easier.
” It’s easy ” I think ” it’s quick “
But that isn’t my original voice, no. It’s the voice created by the Haters of my life and it seemed to have disguised its self to sound like me.
But it isn’t easy because you have to leave the people you love behind, never able to see their smiles or hear their laugh again.
But even I know […]
For 51 days, I tried being clean. I surpassed the urge to hurt myself using a blade but I still choke myself so I’m not entirely clean. Haha.
Tonight, I cut myself on the upper chest area. Not too deep. I’m going to buy new razors though.
Problem? Mostly because I’m lost. And th people around me can’t seem to understand this.
And just 2 days ago, my mom told me that my father doesn’t really think of us a family.
And I thought to myself if I have ever thought of the same.
Even as a kid, the thing I want to do the most is to burn our house down along with us.
Reason? I just want to end this ruse hiding in the word “family.” It’s downright ironic that my mother and father wanted a happy NORMAL family. Turned out we’re all unstable.
But mom has some escapism issue and tried to make herself believe that we are normal.
Not until I told her I have depression. I tried to open up to her for once because that’s what she said. But it made her more unstable.
So I shouldn’t let her in anymore.
Have I ever thought of us as family. I’m sure I thought of my brothers as my family.
I dunno about them though. Do I love my mother or is it just pity? Am I really capable of love?
Even though I heard the words I’ve been longing for from my brother…
” Don’t die. The three of us will still fight in the apocalypse.”
He finally acknowledged my existence. But even so… It didn’t save me.
Sometimes I think I no longer have a heart to be saved.
I can be stopped but never be saved.
This is my first time posting on this site. I have been sitting here all day reading different posts from people and debated on whether I was going to post or not. Well, here I am. I will try not to bore you.
I have battled with depression since before I was a teenager. However, up till about two years ago I never thought about taking my own life. Now, that’s all I can think about.
My life has not always been easy. I was raped as a child by my uncle. My dad left when I was very young. When I was a teenager, I got […]
my life is so fucking shitty that i cant even write it out into words. why continue? people stay alive because they want to live, but what about the people who dont? why are people convincing us to live when all we really want to do is die?
Just because, I smile, doesn’t mean I don’t know pain
Just because, I laugh, doesn’t mean I’m not hurting inside
Just because, I don’t cry every moment of the day , doesn’t mean I don’t want to
Just because, I can seem strong, doesn’t mean every little thing can’t break me
Just because, I seem happy and okay, doesn’t mean I am
Just because, I say ” I’m fine “, doesn’t mean I am
Just because, I look like I’m independent, doesn’t mean I don’t need love
Just because, I am not saying this […]
This month, I was a victim of abuse. Twice. No, not “use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse”, it’s “treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly”. I’ve been abused many times now, but I think this month is the worst.
Abuse story 1:
So, one day I was in class, didn’t finish my work, so I was supposed to stay back for recess, but I didn’t want to. The teacher dragged my collar (I was about 3-5 meters away from the class when this happened) all the way to the classroom door, and threw me. I hit something, so I got […]